OH BLAST YOU Congressional poll trackers, why will you not do a fresh poll of Minnesota District 6? Congresswoman Michele Bachmann’s opponent, a rare Upper Midwestern wood sprite of the species tinklenbergus, may be winning by zillions of points after Bachmann’s Friday-night meltdown on Hardball. Or maybe not, who knows! But one thing is for certain: Bachmann keeps having to explain herself, and it is not getting any easier. MORE »

Little weirdo and amateur devil exorcist Bobby Jindal will NOT be John McCain’s losing vice-presidential candidate, the scrawny character announced today after the terrible HURRICANE destroyed the last hopes of McCain’s campaign. “I’m not going to be the vice presidential nominee or vice president,” Jindal said at a news conference to announce the cancellation of other news conferences. “I’m going to help Senator McCain get elected, as governor of Louisiana. Let me be clear: I have said in every private and public conversation, I’ve got the job that I want.” Back to you, Mitt. [CNN Political Ticker]

Here is nutball Harriet Christian, the “older white woman” and New Yorker famous for ranting on the Internet about how the DNC is giving its nomination to an “inadequate black man.” She tells Fox News icon Neil Cavuto that Obama’s victory is illegitimate because “99% of the blacks don’t even know why they’re voting for him.” Touché! [YouTube]