Tag: pt not afraid to be servicey

LADIES! Are You Ready To Dress To Impress Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn?

Hey ladies! Are you always wondering what to wear in order to be all professional-like and whatnot? You know, for business thingities? Like, should you wear lipstick, should you wear heels, should you wear a lampshade on your head?...

The Twelve Ways (LIKE APOSTLES!!!) We Are Persecuting Christians In The US of A

Idiot Mississippi governor is caterwauling about being 'crucified' again. Here are some of the many oppressions Christians in the US face.

10 Things You Can Masturbate With When President Ted Cruz Outlaws Dildos

Earlier today, we learned that during Ted Cruz's days as the solicitor general of Texas, he and his team fought long and hard to ban the sale of "dildos, artificial vaginas, and other obscene devices." This will likely put those...

How To Cancel Your Wonkette Subscription, And Other Important Answers To Terrible Questions

Today we at Wonkette received a very important question that was very stupidly sent to our tipline, to which we can't actually reply as it is anonymized, so we figured instead of responding to the asker, which we can't,...

Slow News Day Things What You Can Read!

Are you enjoying your slow news week? You should. The last time we complained about a news day being slow, Newtown happened, and we haven't complained about a slow news day since. Here are some lovely longreads, dropped simultaneously...

When I Am An Old Lady I Shall Be Ungrateful, And Several Other Most Excellent Outbound Links!

Is your mom this old lady? No, because your mom is not a professor emerita of English. Your mom is, however, ungrateful and ungracious. MOMS! SO COMPLICATED! Is New Pope rocking your world? Is Pope Francis going to be the...

Learn ABC’s 11 Weird Tricks To Surviving A Mass Shooting!

Mass shootings! It is like, they are everywhere, lol! And when someone comes at you with 14 guns and 5,000 rounds of ammunition right after they got out of prison for murdering their wife and inlaws, because seeing if...

Your Wonkette Primer On The Ryan Plan And How It Will Murder America as We Know It

Congrats, Amercia, Mitt Romney picked a VP, and it is Paul Ryan. Of course, dear reader, you are probably already aware of the fact that you loathe Paul Ryan but are unsure about why, exactly. This might leave you...

Sexual Politics: How Not To Be A Male Stripper

There is a movie out, people say it is very good, it has Channing Tatum in it and whatnot, maybe we will see it, that's cool. That is not really "political," we guess, but there is nothing on the...

Wonkette Job Ads: Help Charles Krauthammer Pen His Pulitzer-Winning Screeds!

Wonkette, as everyone knows, is read exclusively by sozzled homelesses and retirees. But your long national nightmare might be over, hobos! Charles Krauthammer needs a researcher, and if you send him a missive filled with stern-sounding nonsense, maybe that...

Journalism Job! Have You Applied Yet At Al-Qaeda’s Mag?

We all have our favorite news and information sources, so why should we be surprised when followers of al-Qaeda have one too? Meet Inspire, the slick, glossy mag created by American citizen (and former cheerleader) Samir Khan and featured columnist...