pt new study proves it

Ha ha, the Pew Research Center apparently paid researchers actual money to produce a study of election coverage bias when they could have just sent someone wandering down to the Kmart parking lot to ask the first person lumped atop a Hoveround with a “Sarah Palin 2016″ bumper sticker duct-taped to the back of it […]

Why do dumb people always vote for terrible candidates? It’s because they’re dumb! This is according to new scientific studies, according to some website: The research, led by David Dunning, a psychologist at Cornell University, shows that incompetent people are inherently unable to judge the competence of other people, or the quality of those people’s […]

Extremely wealthy people discard their own spouses and children as easily as they discard thousands of factory workers. They feel absolutely no guilt as they scheme and connive, and they will rip off other rich people in massive Ponzi schemes with as little feeling as they’ll rape their housekeepers. The rich strap their supposedly beloved […]

Ha ha, here is a fun new study that proves everybody would basically like to trade the 2012 presidential election for, say, a massive asteroid strike: Gallup asked voters how jazzed they were for the Obama-Not Romney campaign year, and people basically started weeping and vomiting, simultaneously, into their phones. “Given a choice, 70% of […]

America’s elected officials range from rat-eyed sheriff bullies who mercilessly persecute the various racial minorities to the president, who constantly murders people all over the world and shovels billions of dollars to Wall Street. And yet, a new survey proves that 62% of Americans “say their past would preclude them from running for public office.” […]

Another big score for “the best health care system in the world,” hooray: a new study by Gallup shows that 86% of full-time employed Americans are missing 450 million days at work due to being either obese or having chronic health problems or both, which doesn’t even count days workers feel ill and don’t take […]

A new Fox News poll says 71% of Republicans don’t want quitter-grifter Sarah Palin in the 2012 race. But why? Isn’t she still fun? No? Apparently not. She is a worn-out old circus hag, and even teabaggers have noticed that the only thing she cares about is getting media attention for Sarah Palin. Could the […]

American voters now agree that an Al Gore presidency would’ve hardly been different from the disastrous eight-year reign of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. See, we really have learned some stuff from Barack Obama! The latest weird Vanity Fair/CBS News poll of random questions proves that 56% of our people say a Gore-Lieberman White […]

Thought you were “doing the right thing” by drinking diet soda instead of the usual corn-syrup sludge that makes up the primary source of calories for Americans? Well, sorry, you are still going to become obese and die of diabetes and cancer, soon. Diet soda — and god only knows what is actually in Diet […]

Here’s an important news update for all the Alan Keyes and Clarence Thomas types who for some reason believe that acting like super-crazy white wingnut Republicans will magically win over white racists: Doesn’t work, never has, never will. White racists despise black people no matter what — and you’ll find the most unrepentant white racists […]

Hot new scientific data from NYT statistics wizard Nate Silver: “Sarah Palin’s potential candidacy, for instance, is only receiving about one-fifth as much attention as it did several months ago.” And why’s that? Because a cartoon millionaire who just flat out calls Barack Obama an African illegal immigrant is crushing Palin (and everyone else) in […]

Look around. Do you see anyone who should be “proud of their life so far”? Of course not. The few people alive who could be proud of their lives are not proud people, so by definition those who claim to be proud of their lives should actually be deeply embarrassed and constantly ashamed of their […]

A sad new study makes that whole “DREAM Act” defeat a little more tragic: More than 80% of Americans trying to join the Army can’t meet the very low minimum requirements. The first 75% gets immediately disqualified “because they are physically unfit, have a criminal record or didn’t graduate high school.” That second pool is […]

Science has finally proven what was always totally obvious: People who get their news from Fox News are the stupidest fucking idiots to ever exist. These cretins have literally no idea what’s going on, with anything. Whether it’s believing that Republicans opposed TARP (it was a big business Republican program created by the Republican administration […]

At least one part of the economy is booming: Stupid surveys commissioned by Vanity Fair or America Online or Associated Press or whatever: First Exit Polls Show Voters Dissatisfied With Government, Worried About Their Finances The first wave of exit polls Tuesday told us what the pre-election polls did: voters are unhappy with the way […]