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Tag: pt new study proves it

Liberal Media Predictably In Tank for Liberal Candidate Mitt Romney

Ha ha, the Pew Research Center apparently paid researchers actual money to produce a study of election coverage bias when they could have just sent someone wandering down to the Kmart parking lot to ask the first person lumped...

Dumb People Not Clever Enough To Choose Smart Candidates

Why do dumb people always vote for terrible candidates? It's because they're dumb! This is according to new scientific studies, according to some website: The research, led by David Dunning, a psychologist at Cornell University, shows that incompetent people are...

Science Proves Rich People Are Generally Evil

Extremely wealthy people discard their own spouses and children as easily as they discard thousands of factory workers. They feel absolutely no guilt as they scheme and connive, and they will rip off other rich people in massive Ponzi...

70% of America ‘Dreading’ 2012 Presidential Campaign

Ha ha, here is a fun new study that proves everybody would basically like to trade the 2012 presidential election for, say, a massive asteroid strike: Gallup asked voters how jazzed they were for the Obama-Not Romney campaign year,...

62% of Americans Morally Unfit For Amoral U.S. Politics

America's elected officials range from rat-eyed sheriff bullies who mercilessly persecute the various racial minorities to the president, who constantly murders people all over the world and shovels billions of dollars to Wall Street. And yet, a new survey...

Americans Becoming Too Sick And Fat To Work Anymore

Another big score for "the best health care system in the world," hooray: a new study by Gallup shows that 86% of full-time employed Americans are missing 450 million days at work due to being either obese or having...

Fox News: Americans Overwhelmingly Want Sarah Palin To Disappear

A new Fox News poll says 71% of Republicans don't want quitter-grifter Sarah Palin in the 2012 race. But why? Isn't she still fun? No? Apparently not. She is a worn-out old circus hag, and even teabaggers have noticed...

Everyone Agrees Gore Presidency Would’ve Been About the Same As Bush

American voters now agree that an Al Gore presidency would've hardly been different from the disastrous eight-year reign of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. See, we really have learned some stuff from Barack Obama! The latest weird Vanity...

Diet Soda Also Making Americans Obese & Diabetic

Thought you were "doing the right thing" by drinking diet soda instead of the usual corn-syrup sludge that makes up the primary source of calories for Americans? Well, sorry, you are still going to become obese and die of...

Politicians Are Racist Against Blacks, Even ‘Republican Blacks’

Here's an important news update for all the Alan Keyes and Clarence Thomas types who for some reason believe that acting like super-crazy white wingnut Republicans will magically win over white racists: Doesn't work, never has, never will. White...

New York Times: Media Stopped Covering Palin Because She’s Washed Up

Hot new scientific data from NYT statistics wizard Nate Silver: "Sarah Palin’s potential candidacy, for instance, is only receiving about one-fifth as much attention as it did several months ago." And why's that? Because a cartoon millionaire who just...

Americans Have No Idea What ‘WikiLeaks’ Is, But Still Love Selves

Look around. Do you see anyone who should be "proud of their life so far"? Of course not. The few people alive who could be proud of their lives are not proud people, so by definition those who claim...

U.S. Army Rejecting 80% of Kids For Being Dumb Obese Criminals

A sad new study makes that whole "DREAM Act" defeat a little more tragic: More than 80% of Americans trying to join the Army can't meet the very low minimum requirements. The first 75% gets immediately disqualified "because they...

Fox News Viewers Most Uninformed People On Earth

Science has finally proven what was always totally obvious: People who get their news from Fox News are the stupidest fucking idiots to ever exist. These cretins have literally no idea what's going on, with anything. Whether it's believing...

AOL Shocker: Exit Polls Show People Are Broke, Sad

At least one part of the economy is booming: Stupid surveys commissioned by Vanity Fair or America Online or Associated Press or whatever: First Exit Polls Show Voters Dissatisfied With Government, Worried About Their Finances The first wave of exit polls...

Scientists Discover Sexy ‘Liberal Gene’

What makes people "liberal," anyway? According to liberal university research scientists at liberal universities somewhere, being liberal means that you are an awesome person with many sexy friends. This is why you are so cool! Also, you probably had...