Do things feel just a little more exciting today? That’s hardly surprising, because the Barack Obama Administration is now 99 days old, which is exactly one (1) day shy of the super-important 100th birthday of the First Hundred Days. How is our young, useless, radical foreign-born Chicago street thug from Indonesia dealing with the stress? Sources say he started off the day by strangling the military imbecile who approved yesterday’s thrilling 9/11 air parade in Manhattan, then he signed an executive order making it legal to kick the shit out of Mitch McConnell, and then he went downstairs to shoot some hoops for a while — using that idiot water mongrel as the “basketball.” [USA Today]

New York was TERRORIZED this morning by, guess who, Barack Obama and his Air Force One. People are still a little jumpy after that whole 9/11 thing, so when a huge passenger jet seemed to be headed for Lower Manhattan, and then for the Statue of Liberty, there was some freaking out. Why is Obama doing this to New York City? Seems he wanted a “cool picture” of his plane dive-bombing Lady Liberty! MORE »

Having successfully completed a hilarious stack of FAIL on Tax Day, the Teabagging Cultists will next flap their testicles against the mouth of 9/11, our nation’s most holy day of remembrance. Just six months or so from right now, the fantastic teabagging momentum will strike again, as America sheds its tears over the anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attacks on the places wingnuts and teabaggers hate most: Washington DC and New York City. MORE »

Why are the wingnuts so obsessed with poop and ass and “prix” and Barney Frank performing medical procedures on their anuses? Here’s old Sour Betsy at some dingbat teabagging fail or another, yesterday, proclaiming to the world that she is, in fact, a piece of shit. Thanks to our pal BlueGal for the horror.

Whoa hey what’s going on at the liberal New York Times? Let’s take a look at the actual news article, which maybe started that whole “Also.” business …. MORE »

Oh noes the wingnuts are very, very upset! Why? This street negro, Barack Obama, allegedly kowtowed to the Saudi King while meeting said Saudi King at the G-20. (The White House says, “Uhh, Obama is a lot taller than that old dwarf, so he bent down to look at him.”) It is shameful for an American president to politely bow one’s head while being presented to a Saudi Prince/King. You are supposed to smooch him up and hold his hand and walk him around your ranch and then give him a loving blowjob, like George W. Bush Junior always did! Let’s remember the good times, together. MORE »

What caused the brief and pretty boring evacuation of the Capitol Visitor Center at 11:25 a.m.? Did the vanilla-chai teabags reach a Singularity? No it was a fire alarm everybody calm the fuck down. A mysterious staffer, “Em-bot,” sent us the entire drama, as represented in Capitol Police emails. It is exciting, if you are excited by, say, Twitter. MORE »

Barack Obama went to what he fancy-calls a “Muslim-majority” nation today, Turkey, to hock his “legacy assets” under the guise of “reconciliation” after years of “Overseas Contingency Operations.” In other words he gave a speech to the Turkish Parliament in which he “promoted terrorism against white Christian landowning Americans.” Everyone should thank our President for this devastating Freeper bait. MORE »

Miss the excitement of 2008? Well, it is not coming back. Instead, tomorrow, there will be a Special Election in some obscure upstate New York congressional district, between people named “Republican Jim Tedisco” and “Democrat Scott Murphy.” Are you feeling some HOPE twitch in your pants? Yes you can! Who will win?! MORE »

Possibly the most ignorant motherfucker to ever walk the halls of the Senate, Rick Santorum was sent packing in 2006 because, even by Republican standards, he is an outrageously stupid bigot and total human failure. For some reason, he was allowed to give a “speech” at some college in Nebraska, where he gave his usual historically wrong and intellectually vapid comments about the exciting moros y cristianos battle still happening, in his mind. Oh yes, there were laughs to be had! MORE »

The war on terror is over, and America won! Here is proof, in the form of a rusty emergency box directly outside the Longworth House Office Building on Capitol Hill. If any homeland security threats remained, this box would surely be unblemished, maybe even operational! MORE »