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* Justice Department tries to whack a wise guy to save Rudy and Hillary’s reputations. [HuffPo]
* Rich white assholes suspect John McCain might be “tainted, perhaps beyond repair.” [Club for Growth (PDF)]
* Second Iranian agent forsakes his homeland for burgers, baseball and big fake titties. [Newsmax]
* Congressman Mike Doyle thinks Pitchfork Media is the hipster equivalent of Fox News. [Tech Dirt]
* Bush edging ever closer to the all-time record for futility. [Political Arithmetik]
* So, you say you never ever want to get laid? [Political Insider]
* Fred Thompson’s new running mate is the other guy from Law & Order. Betcha didn’t see that coming. [Hotline on Call]
* Hurry! Only one day left to get your application in to spend the summer flip-flopping around the Hill and blowing Howard Dean. [Democrats.org]
* Dennis Miller is hosting Rudy’s fundraiser tonight, so, like with dinner, laugh before you go. [Suitably Flip]

Related: Wonkette trashes Second Life protest [Second Life Insider]
Wonkette coverage of Second Life

* Bill Clinton might have called hookers “just to talk,” but he never inhaled, or finished himself off, or, whatever. [Shenanigans]
* Joe Biden tells a gym full of high school kids about all the countries he can’t wait to start bombing. [PrezVid]
* Bill Kristol does a blawg about how HuffPo commenters hate America because they wish Dick Cheney was dead. Great start, Bill! [Worldwide Standard]
* George Pataki considers whether to waste his time running for president. [Hotline on Call]
* Kos nerds spend most of their time talking about Bush and Lieberman — glad we stopped reading that site two years ago. [MyDD]
* He’s not in office anymore, but we know you still hate him — Rick Santorum goes journo. [TAPPED]
* Bill O’Reilly: “the clown that no one laughs at, they all just wish he’d die.” [ePluribus]

* That he thinks announcing his candidacy on Letterman is edgy doesn’t even make a top-ten list of things that suck about John McCain. [WP, NYT]
* Fired US Attorney invents conspiracy theory to help him cope with failure. [WP, NYT]
* Barry Hussein biographer writes 20,000 words in two weeks while political journalists doodle in their notebooks. [WSJ]
* FEC now dropping fines like it was the FCC. [NYT]
* Ken Mehlman charges corporate clients hefty sums to make sure they can keep making shit-tons. [WSJ]
* Congressional Republicans continue their long tradition of trying to hold down people of color by getting petty with William Jefferson’s committee appointment. What’s he ever done? [WP]
* Democrats find a nerd-king in their ranks, let him budget things to his heart’s content. [WP]
* Fill yourself with nostalgia for the age of the classic American liberal dandy. [WP, NYT, LAT]

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* Arianna partied harder than you did last night. [HuffPo]
* West Wing paper airplane competition destroys records of Abramoff visits to the White House. [TPM Muckracker]
* Mahmoud Ahmadinejad pissed that rumors about Ayatollah Ali Hoseini-Khamenei’s death always start with “Iranian supreme leader.” [Regime Change in Iran]
* Karl Rove wants to see Condi vs. Hillary in ‘08. Negroponte does what he’s told. [Democrats.com]
* Netroots swearing-in party is first and last time any of these nerds will be in a VIP room. [Flickr]
* Eleanor Clift’s new nickname for Hillary Clinton is hilarious, so funny — really, just spot on. [The Gaggle]
* Most annoying TV personality in the world thinks Nancy Pelosi is most liberal woman in the world. [Think Progress]

* “George Jr.” was too cool for Christmas cards long before he was too cool for facing political realities. [Daily Kos]
* The Inconvenient Truth parties taking place nationwide this weekend are a Godsend for those too nerdy to attend “ugly Christmas sweater” themed parties. [Washington Wire]
* OPEC celebrates Hanukkah by cutting oil production, “have eight crazy nights paying more for gas, bitches.” [Freakonomics]
* Exciting conspiracy theorists everywhere, the 2008 Presidential election could be decided by a Jewish billionaire midget. [Political Insider]
* But that’s fine, Americans are more tolerant than ever — unless a candidate has worked for the Bush administration. Then they’re fucked. [Political Wire]
* Fox News wants viewers to know that Tom DeLay isn’t a has-been Congressmen, but an Exxxtreme! to the max conservative force. [C&L]
* “Americans fat, lonely, frequently injured by bikes.” [MoJo Blog]

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God knows where they’re pulling these numbers from — we suspect somebody’s ass — but CNN is calling Connecticut for Lamont. MORE »

• A Republican conspiracy behind falling oil prices is impossible, cause they’re not actually falling, sorry. [TPMMuckraker]

• A former guest on Nancy Grace’s show has committed suicide - usually it’s just watching the show that makes you want to kill yourself. [Hit & Run]
• As a youth, nerd king Ben Bernanke carried around a slang dictionary in his pocket so he wouldn’t look like a “square” if he saw a “bird” he “dug.” [Bloomberg]
• While the US has multi-billion dollar Global War On Terror to curb extremism, the Russians use vodka and a few good hookers. [Shakespeare's Sister]
• Massive new “Ground One” amusement park being built in California. Just like “Ground Zero,” only better. [YouTube]
• Video gamers refuse to vote until ballot machines “get better graphics, dude.” [Slashdot]