The Ottawa Herald (of Franklin County, Kansas, not Canada) became a national sensation this morning when it taught us that Barack Obama is actually a dangerous Muslim extremist who will destroy our precious values with his “change” and “hope.” But now the paper seems to be meekly backtracking from the crazy-ass ignorant rant written by the paper’s own printing-press operator! MORE »

At a voting precinct in Chicago yesterday, a vote-scanning machine rejected 20 paper ballots that voters had used “magic” invisible ink pens to fill out. Now don’t go shouting DIEBOLD just yet — these ballots were rejected because there is no such thing as a magic invisible ink pen to be used on paper ballots. The pen was just a stylus for touch-screen voting machines, and everyone in that precinct is a retard. MORE »

Confusion reigned in Bexar (that’s pronounced “bear,” Yankees) County yesterday, as thousands of dullards swamped the elections department with phone calls asking where they could vote on Tuesday. The answer: Nowhere! The Texas primary isn’t till March. MORE »