How do you baffle a not-too-smart nation of people who aren’t really much into book-learnin’? Have competing publishers release similarly-titled books about popular idiot Sarah Palin! Not even counting the “I’m buying this only for ironic reasons” crowd in Brooklyn and Silver Lake, there is apparently total chaos in bookstores, as people who’ve only previously visited bible shops in the strip mall out by the edge of town are now pouring into the Borders and B&N or even trying their hand at “the Amazon,” with pitiable results. MORE »

Black Irish immigrant leprechaun Patrick “Sinead” Buchanan knows what kinds of immigrants he hates: all the ones who showed up after his ring-kissing potato-drunkard parents were dumped by the British in New York Harbor as a final retaliation for the American Revolution. That’s why Buchanan and his wacky white-supremacist friends are, these days, mostly concerned with keeping the Puerto Ricans out of our nation’s courtrooms — them don’t speak good English! Also, these lamers failed to notice their own “The American Cause” conference banner does not spell “conference” correctly, but at least it’s not a dirty, dirty Mexican. [Think Progress/Shakesville]

Here is a SHOCKER regarding the holy trinity of American hobbies (religion, wingnut politics and pornography). It turns out that conservative Jesus Goblins are using up all of America’s precious porn reserves. A new study proves the “red states” consume so much (gay and interracial) naked sex media, it’s crazy! But is there another, hidden angle to this “Wingnuts Love the PR0N” journalistic revelation? Yes! MORE »

Possibly the most ignorant motherfucker to ever walk the halls of the Senate, Rick Santorum was sent packing in 2006 because, even by Republican standards, he is an outrageously stupid bigot and total human failure. For some reason, he was allowed to give a “speech” at some college in Nebraska, where he gave his usual historically wrong and intellectually vapid comments about the exciting moros y cristianos battle still happening, in his mind. Oh yes, there were laughs to be had! MORE »

K-LOAD: Mouth-breathing fart-sack Kathryn Jean Lopez has posted a confusing new Word Jumble, in which she claims that Prop. 8, the Mormons’ financial assault on California homosexuals, “won by the same margin as Barack Obama did in that state.” Obama crushed McCain 61%-37% in California, while Prop. 8 squeaked by with 52%. [Andrew Sullivan]

Truly, Virgil Goode was our nation’s finest congressman, because only he stood up for America when a frightening Detroit Muslim, Keith Ellison, won a Minnesota congressional seat in 2006. See, Ellison was sworn in using Thomas Jefferson’s Koran, but Goode wanted to use it, for masturbation, because Goode represented Virginia’s 5th congressional district, which includes Jefferson’s beloved Monticello. MORE »

Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, a creepy-looking unlicensed handyman in Toledo, was a comical example of how desperate the McCain team became in the final two weeks of the campaign. Because this unappealing idiot was videotaped making a brief untrue claim to Barack Obama, who happened to be campaigning in Ohio near this idiot’s home, John McCain spent his final debate either talking directly through the teevee cameras to “Joe the Plumber” or grotesquely rolling his eyes and grimacing. The next day, Wurzelbacher’s story was easily proven false, and then he proceeded to embarrass the McCain campaign almost every day until, we hoped, he completely vanished forever on Tuesday. It is time to again say good-bye to this clown of lies. MORE »

Here’s something good about our new Great Depression: All Internet companies are going under, soon, along with the websites of newspapers and cable channels, and of course all the companies that provide the free blogging. What this means, we sincerely hope, is the end of Web Comments, forever. It was an “interesting” experiment, etc., and we’ll miss a few comments (the ones on Wonkette), but overall, it’s going to be wonderful to never ever again read some ignorant subliterate racist typing with one finger about the “n____r’s lovers” who are, of course, “biggot biased assholes.” MORE »

Oh good lord. Maybe you all haven’t seen this, everywhere, and maybe that’s why hundreds of you send this to us, every hour, because you haven’t seen it, and yet you know about it, and have the YouTube link. Anyway, very funny! Did you know Sarah Palin is a gullible idiot? Yes? Well, here is more fun proof. [Justiciers.tv/YouTube]

REMEMBER DRUNKY McRAPEY? Jim Gibbons is this incredibly dull/stupid cretin-crook Republican congressman who somehow became governor of Nevada, in the middle of some awful cheap sex-assault scandal. Now his wife has finally left him, the Feds are investigating all his crookedness, people are noticing that he hasn’t actually shown up to work this year, and the Vegas cocktail waitress he (allegedly) threatened to rape and murder has just filed a federal lawsuit against him, for being a scumbag. [Reno and its Discontents/Las Vegas Gleaner/Las Vegas Review Journal]

After a week of witty meditations on Barack Obama’s America-hating friends and asking, “Who is this guy who has been running for president for two years who everybody knows pretty well after seeing him in nearly 30 debates? Did you know some crook sold him a strip of lawn once?” Sarah Palin has BLINKED and decided to stop calling the Democratic nominee a terrorist. Why? Because no one in the McCain campaign can use the same argument for more than a week. It’s all right there in the Maverick Handbook! Right next to the “no blinking” rule! MORE »