The St. Paul Saints made a funny Larry Craig souvenir to hand out at their games last year, and what better to follow it up with this year than a bobblehead showing Al Franken and Norm Coleman joined at the cranium and wearing a Sesame Street costume? (This is the image that Hugh Hewitt masturbates to every night.) Sadly, the Saints have not yet released a photo of this little doll, and you do NOT want to just do random Internet searches on two-faced monsters, so to your right you see a lovely harmless little Roman god with “key and cock,” which are two things Franken and Coleman lack. [Star Tribune]

ANCIENT SEX LIZARD MAKES BABIES: A gruesome, century-old cancer-ridden basilisk in New Zealand somehow impregnated another monster, and 11 baby Cockatrice hatched on Monday. Change is here! [National Geographic]

WONKETTE COMPLETELY ENDORSES THIS 50 WORST MONSTERS LIST: The Buffalo Beast is known for these crushing obituaries of terrible living Americans, and the 2009 edition is built to please/enrage. The 50th, least offensive spot is reserved for your own pretend boyfriend, Barack Obama. Why? To give the list integrity. Anyway, go read this thing, and click the ads and such. [Buffalo Beast]

REMEMBER DRUNKY McRAPEY? Jim Gibbons is this incredibly dull/stupid cretin-crook Republican congressman who somehow became governor of Nevada, in the middle of some awful cheap sex-assault scandal. Now his wife has finally left him, the Feds are investigating all his crookedness, people are noticing that he hasn’t actually shown up to work this year, and the Vegas cocktail waitress he (allegedly) threatened to rape and murder has just filed a federal lawsuit against him, for being a scumbag. [Reno and its Discontents/Las Vegas Gleaner/Las Vegas Review Journal]

Shameful. Poor Joe Lieberman can’t even take a few days to rest at home in his bath of acidic blood-water without the liberal blog photographers staking him out. [NBC5]

Your editor’s sort-of relative teaches at Walter Reed Middle School in North Hollywood! We knew she taught in the Valley but did not know where, exactly — and she is right there, at the heart of the failure of the John McCain Campaign and its weird attempt to put some kind of picture related to Walter Reed Army Hospital behind McCain’s head during his big acceptance speech about his plane crash 40 years ago, even if all most of you saw, on the teevee, was yet another dumb “green screen” behind his bald skull, just waiting for web geeks to fill that vapid void with dancing hobbits, furry porn or Abu Ghraib photographs. Anyway …. MORE »

Last night observers watched the sky in horror as an alien spacecraft infiltrated the Obama Hope Arena’s 17 security layers and bobbed menacingly over the crowd. What was this awful thing, and what did it want to do to Our Barry? One word: probes. Creepy world exclusive footage after the jump. MORE »

What’s with the giant blue bear outside the Colorado Convention Center, anyway? Why is he doing the “paws up, bear trash” thing against the glass wall? According to the artist, the monster mutant is just, you know, looking into the convention center like some awful blue Peeping Tom street masturbator. It’s a commentary on the lousy stock market or something. [9News]

It is not even a slow news day, but all the news is about tire pressure so kill us now. So we went to Idaho Senior Senator Larry Craig’s webpage to see if anything gay was going on and lo and behold, everything gay was going on, in this one screen cap. What a frightening devil this one is, oh, what a terror. [Larry Craig]

A new poll from the venerable AP-Yahoo partnership shows that pet owners prefer John McCain over Barack Obama, 42% to 37%. (The other 21%, we assume, support pet-loving failure Mitt Romney.) Dog owners, especially, support John McCain by a wide margin, while cat owners of course lean towards known homosexual Barack Obama. Obama owns no pets because he hates domesticated beasts. But — as the AP tells us — John McCain owns a “veritable menagerie” of creatures. Sexy! MORE »

Some Obama freaks have trained their parrot to speak some of Barry’s popular catch phrases, including “Yes We Can” and, well, “Obama,” which is actually just his name. The brainwashed monster also says what sounds like “Oh My Cow,” so this household is obviously a local bestiality bath house. Also: this bird is Elitist. If John McCain were buying a goddamned bird, he’d go straight for the parakeet — the Working Man’s Bird. [YouTube]