By the Comics Curmudgeon
It’s absolutely true that politicians are, by and large, hideously ugly. So, if you’re going to get into the political cartooning game, you’re going to have to learn to enjoy inking the minute details of the sagging face-flesh, the terrible combovers, the faces ravaged by decades-old acne scars, the paunches ill-contained by aspirationally sized pants. Yet once cartoonists go down this road, they might find themselves actually enjoying it, like a professional dominatrix who got into the biz for money and finds herself unable to put down the whip in her off hours. (This sometimes happens! I saw it in, uh, a movie.) Anyway, drawing Karl Rove’s second chin no longer has any appeal for these depraved freak-loving artists! In this week’s Cartoon Violence, you’ll see what lies at the end of this very dark path. MORE »

What a way to cap off this frighteningly violent, evil hellscape of a week! Here we have Sarah Palin — on Facebook, to be sure — taking her nastiest remarks from the past, stacking them, lighting the stack on fire, and throwing it square between the eyes of America’s Future, WOW: “The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.” This is the most sublime Trig joke ever written. [TPM]

One of the great pleasures of last year’s campaign season was seeing the consulting firm of Mark Penn, history’s greatest monster, end up millions of dollars in the hole for all the great work they did on behalf of losing candidate Hillary Clinton. How was Penn going to afford his lavish subterranean cave and the constant supply of virgins bearing Ho-Hos without Clinton’s subsidies? MORE »

Good morning! Or IS IT? That all depends on how well are you protecting your family from animal-human hybrids. “Eh, a medium—but responsible!—amount,” you tell yourself. Uh huh, sure. Have you introduced an actual piece of legislation that will BANISH these non-existent monsters from what could be but definitely won’t be reality? Sam Brownback and 20 other 100% pure human (that we know of??) Senators have done just that. MORE »

The New York Times has a SCOOP, about Larry Summers! He is still a dick to everybody, and the rest of the White House economics team pretty much hates him — except for the President, who endures his terrible behavior because he is so BRILLIANT. MORE »

The techno-fascist wizards at Walt Disney’s cryogenic laboratories have designed an android Barack Obama “frighteningly evocative of the real one,” so that the global entertainment corporation can indoctrinate a generation of gullible summer-vacationing children in the ways of our Socialist African Demon King when they just wanted to see the Jonas Bros.-Hannah Montana robot fuck show. MORE »

Good christ but this guy is a terrifying shit-monster — a leering death clown who is supposed to go away, but cannot, because he is the world’s biggest asshole. Thanks, Dick Cheney, for reminding us how to hate again. Here are the main lies from his foul hymn to Satan today. [Talking Points Memo]

Monstrous wingnut Joseph Ratzinger somehow became pope a few years ago — this is because of ancient Catholic-Sith rules dictating that each “good pope” must be followed by a “loathsome beast.” But Ratzi is unique even among the Sith Popes, for he is the first Bishop of Rome to be an actual Nazi, for Hitler, in Nazi Germany. Jesus, talk about your breaking of historical barriers …. Obama’s got nothing on this creep! Anyway, Ratzinger comically lived up to expectations by supporting actual Holocaust-denying fellow wingnut bishops, and now he’s in Israel kissing ass, but luckily nobody believes his evil horseshit. MORE »

VAMPIRES ARE A LIBERAL TERRORIST SEX PLOT: Bram Stoker never imagined that his story of a seductive count who necks with young virgins at night might be interpreted as something sexual, but now that dirty-minded liberals have gotten their paws on the vampire story, the terrorists have won. “I’m all for multiculturalism, but this is too much. As Freud is supposed to have said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Likewise, sometimes the Other isn’t a cool countercultural rebel who puts a thrill up your leg, he is a monster who wants to suck your blood or, if he is technologically savvy and has a religious ax to grind, blow up your kids’ school bus.” Dracula: the Western world’s first Islamic jihadist. Discuss. [National Review Online]

What the hell blew up in the skies over the Maryland-to-North Carolina Atlantic coast last night? Thousands of people supposedly saw terrifying Light Monsters floating down from the Heavens, and then heard horrific booms and thunder and such, and … well it almost sounds like a summer thunderstorm, SCARY, but it is not summer, or something? Global Warming? Let’s quickly & cheaply examine the frightful evidence. MORE »

The St. Paul Saints made a funny Larry Craig souvenir to hand out at their games last year, and what better to follow it up with this year than a bobblehead showing Al Franken and Norm Coleman joined at the cranium and wearing a Sesame Street costume? (This is the image that Hugh Hewitt masturbates to every night.) Sadly, the Saints have not yet released a photo of this little doll, and you do NOT want to just do random Internet searches on two-faced monsters, so to your right you see a lovely harmless little Roman god with “key and cock,” which are two things Franken and Coleman lack. [Star Tribune]