Summer. It’s over, and not even Bryan Adams can make it sound sexy (you might have bought that six-string at the five-and-dime, but MJ is fucking dead). Anyway, an intern needs your help. Last night he smoked a marijuana cigarette. Will John Ensign ask him to pee in a Dixie cup? True or False? [Spotted: DC Summer Interns] MORE »

First Chandra Levy. Then killah bees. Now this. What could possibly make Rock Creek Park more murderous and cruel? Suggestion: unmarked mine fields. [DCist] MORE »

Who twitters for Metro? Tolstoy? You cannot write long-winded descriptions of the Great Steppe of Russia, where the peasants are honest and work with their hands (and the Metro stop has no working escalators). Sorry Leo, there’s a 140-character limit. [Unsuck Metro DC]
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August is rapidly deteriorating into September, which means soon there will be no more summer interns to brighten your day, with intern sunshine. Heavens, we’ll miss their shenanigans — who will be here to jam the ATM machines, with red intern badges? Yes, we’ll always cherish the laughs. The tears. The memories that will require massive therapy … Oh heck, one more can’t hurt! [Spotted: DC Summer Interns] MORE »

The life of a CIA intern: picking Leon Panetta’s nose, and spying on North Korea (using Google Earth Street View). [Spotted: DC Interns] MORE »

OH GREAT JOB everybody. You were all too busy downloading penis enlargement pills, and paying for cheese pizza over the Internet, to bother using our nation’s postal service! Now the USPS is downsizing, and it might even stop delivering mail on Saturday, the Jewish sabbath (!?). Kiss your Christian Nation goodbye. [DCist] MORE »

President Obama basically alienated every law enforcement official in the country when he called that Cambridge cop an ignoramus during his health care phone-a-thon on Wednesday. And now the DC chapter of the National Fraternal Order of Police has publicly chastised the President! MORE »

Experts agree: Sometime between now and 5PM, DC will be ravaged by 70 mph winds, lightning storms, and many inches of rain. And it’ll still be humid as a mofo. Why is Woton so angry with DC? Did a Republican senator elope with Brunhilda? Confess before you get us all killed! [DCist] MORE »

DC is the capital of many things, not just Virginia. For instance, it’s a major destination for senseless violence, and it’s also a “must-visit” for any tourist looking to snag a little “Capitol Hill Dome,” in exchange for a crack pebble. Yes, this is a miserable place. But sometimes — not often, but now and then — something magical happens. Like when three transvestites mug a woman, and then use her credit card to buy panties at Victoria’s Secret. Oh wait, this happened in Fredericksburg. Never mind. [Washington Examiner] MORE »

Intern Jack: How can you sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are both supposed to be organizing paperclips?
Intern Algernon: What are American muffins? Do you think they have them in America?
Intern Jack: Fuck if I know. [Spotted: DC Summer Interns] MORE »

The young intern was hungry for some popcorn, so she put her intern badge in the microwave. Later she spilled some cranberry juice on her favorite pleated skirt, so she used her intern badge to rub the stain out. And after another long day of indexing toenail clippings, the exhausted young intern walked to Metro Center and swiped her intern badge over the SmarTrip reader. Why me? She thought to herself as she took the metro home. Why did God choose me? And for a moment she felt undeserving. [Spotted: DC Interns] MORE »