pt meet your candidates
Tennessee Dems Nominate Insane No-Name Conspiracy Monster for Senate, But At Least He’s Not Harold Ford
It appears that whatever crew of shady state ballot-fucking political operatives have finally released their 2012-edition Alvin Greene Candidate. This time it’s in Tennessee, and his name is Mark Clayton. He will carry the Democratic party banner in this fall’s matchup against Sen. Bob Corker, because his name was listed first on the primary ballot [...]
Dude Running For Gabby Giffords’ Seat Chews Out ‘Crybaby’ Police Officer
And now we revisit Arizona, that great state of lies, anger, and murder, to see which hilarious Republican will maybe replace Gabrielle Giffords in her congressional district. Maybe this guy? “A Republican Arizona state senator running for the U.S. House seat vacated by former Rep. Gabrielle Giffords slammed a local police officer for opposing his [...]
Nebraskan Who Said Funny Thing About Rick Santorum Will Run For Senate
Former Nebraska Sen. Bob Kerrey has changed his mind and will run for Ben Nelson’s Senate seat! He, like Nelson, is an annoying centrist deficit whiner, but (a) at least he’s not horrible old Ben Nelson and (b) he is capable of winning the seat. Oh and (c), he once said this about then-newbie Senator [...]
Alabama Wingnut Candidate Thinks Liberals Will Shut Up Because He’s Black
Here is Les Phillip, Republican congressional candidate from Alabama. He criticizes Barack Obama for befriending all sorts of terrorists instead of joining the Navy, like Les Phillip did. Phillip says he will stop Obama from destroying America, “and they’re not gonna call me a racist.” (Hilariously, he takes off his glasses while saying this, as [...]
California Candidate Guy Apologizes For Not Being Clearer, When He Said He Wanted To Shoot All Liberals
California congressional hopeful and “Lodi grape grower” Brad Goehring — the standard spelling is “Göring,” but you can’t have everything — recently posted this on his Facebook, and everyone on the Internet loved it: “If I could issue hunting permits, I would officially declare today opening day for liberals. The season would extend through November [...]
Alabama GOP Gubernatorial Candidate Attacked For Lack Of Jesusness
The closely monitored Alabama Republican gubernatorial primary race has taken another comical advertising turn, this one not even involving Tim James, who is in like 20th place despite being hilarious. Candidate Roy Moore is attacking fellow candidate Bradley Byrne for suggesting that evolution is something worth considering, and that the Bible is not entirely literally [...]
Strange Market-Shorting Billionaire Monster Would Also Like To Be Florida’s Senator
Just as the months-long war between Charlie Crist and Marco Rubio is ending and a three-way battle along with Democratic Rep. Kendrick Meek is finally ready to take the political spotlight in Florida, some nutter ex-Republican billionaire who made his fortune betting against the housing market has decided that he would like to purchase the [...]
BEST REAGAN USAGE OF THE DAY: Linda McMahon, who owns the beloved pro wrestling organization WWE with her strange husband Vince, is running for the Republican Senate nomination in Connecticut. When asked how she balances her Political Values with the fact that she runs the most overtly trashy company in America, she just started babbling [...]
WOULD YOU PUT THEM IN THE ILLEGAL’S ANUS? “‘I think we should catch ’em, we should document ’em, make sure we know where they are and where they are going,’ said Pat Bertroche, an Urbandale physician. ‘I actually support microchipping them. I can micro-chip my dog so I can find it. Why can’t I microchip [...]
Well, At Least Tim James Has An Aesthetic
Okay, one more. Tim James has another ad. Same dramatic pauses. Same wandering all over the damn place. Tim James is a national treasure and should be put in a time capsule. It makes sense to us.
Alabama Candidate Will Save So Much Money By… Not Taking In As Much Money In Driver’s License Fees?
You may have seen this already, but it is the funniest 30-second spot of the year so far. Tim James, candidate for Alabama governor, is all hot and bothered about them taco-eaters and such like reading in that taco-talk when they get their driver’s licenses at the taco shop. :21 through :27 deserves a Best [...]
Idaho Cartoon Villain Will Save Congress
GAH! So. Can we safely assume that Harley D. Brown, this thick anger-monster running for Congress in Idaho, is familiar with the one and only Super Tuber? [Harley D. Brown for Congress]
Mickey Kaus Launches Important Campaign Site
It’s a great day and here’s why: we finally have a Mickey Kaus for Senate campaign website, so it will be much easier for everyone to donate all of their money to Mickey Kaus, the Slateblogger who doesn’t really blog much but needs a page-view bump anyway to justify his pay. Anyway, if you want [...]
GOOD NEWS FOR MARYLAND! To your editor’s fellow Maryland natives, as well as current residents and people who simply care about Maryland politics for some reason: he’s ba-ack! Ex-Gov. Bobby Ehrlich — an asshole and born-again wingnut radio host — looks like he’s going to run against Gov. Martin O’Malley this year, in an Epic [...]
Dick Cheney Endorses Not-Rand-Paul Kentucky Senate Candidate
Doctor St. Rand “The Son” Paul is kicking his opponent’s ass in the Kentucky GOP Senate primary, big time. This is bad for Establishment Republicans who love endless war and terror and torture. They had hand-selected this guy Trey Grayson to represent their love of death in the Senate, and now he can’t even beat [...]
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