Barack Obama’s mustachioed Merlin, David Axelrod, hates Dick Cheney’s fat hateful ass. This, in itself, is hardly novel: Everyone hates Dick Cheney’s fat hateful ass. But Axelrod gets to go on Meet the Press and call Cheney a dick as part of his Administration job. [USA Today]

Wonkette male makeup expert “Ratty” points out that Senator Kerry appeared on Meet the Press this weekend looking like he’d swung by the M.A.C. counter on the way to the studio. This is not the first time we have seen such horrible makeup errors on MTP in general, and John Kerry in particular. Do none of these people consult a mirror before they go onstage in their clown faces? [MSNBC]

Here’s some year-old video clip of our old pal Tim Russert, before he died while actually working on this very program, Meet the Press, talking to known jackhole David Brooks about Barack Obama’s ability to read the minds of Republicans, and bend them to His will, so that’s why all the Republicans were so happy to vote for Obama. Also, an uncomfortable joke (?) about Jews, at the end, from Brooks. [Meet the Press]

Here are two things we are very tired of typing about, every day: Will teevee’s Chris Matthews run for the American Senate? And, Did dancey boy David Gregory officially get dead Tim Russert’s job on Meet the Press? The final (?) answers: No he won’t, and Yes he did. [Gawker/Baltimore Sun]

• LAMERS: The Huffington Post hears from secret NBC people that America’s Safe Pick, David Gregory, has been tapped to host Meet The Press, replacing interim host Tom Brokaw, who can finally retire and fulfill his lifelong dream of fighting in World War II. If Gregory ends up being the official pick, then… then this really won’t affect our lives much at all. [HuffPo]

“Well Tom Brokaw, heh, I’m disappointed about Colin Powell endorsing that Democrat, but I have FIVE Secretary of States in my pocket too, nyah nyah, and good ones at that — Henry Kissinger, Jim Baker, Larry Eagleburger… Al Haig… heh heh… uhhhhhhhhhhhh… you ever met Al, Tom?… fuck… Tom Brokaw was the fifth… no no no not Brokaw, he’s just some plumber I met in Ohio… fuck… seriously fuck my life… Colin Powell was the fif… oh no he endorsed Bono… was it Bono endorsed me?… who Bono is I have no clue whatsoever… Ah yes, Barack Obama was the fifth Secretary of State to endorse me, to answer your question Mr. Cronkite.” [YouTube/TPM]

Vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin reneged on her vow to talk “straight to the American people” by ignoring the media until after she’s elected President. She has instead agreed to a sit-down today with CNN, the Communist News Network. Palin will talk with some person named “Drew Griffin,” which is an anagram for “Grr! Win if fed,” which means Drew Griffin is a hobo bear who “wins” for food. Bears are also a symbol of communism, and Barack Obama. MORE »

At about the 7-minute mark in this clip from yesterday’s Meet the Press, Joe Lieberman nervously clears his throat and giggles that John McCain has not had any sexual reassignment surgery (that we know of!) and he “remains all male. There’s no question about that.” However, it is a known fact that 98 percent of Republican male candidates have their human testicles removed and replaced with TRUCK NUTZ. What is John McCain hiding? [Meet the Press/YouTube]

A week and a half ago NBC newsman and Meet the Press moderator Tim Russert died, and the earth stopped in its orbit and let out a wild yawp of despair for the most wonderful person who ever lived. Speculation quickly ensued about who would replace Russert in a job that he alone among all living humans was uniquely suited to do: sit in a chair and ask politicians questions. And now we know who will host Meet the Press until the “election,” which will be called off at the last minute when we start bombing Iran. It’s Tom Brokaw! MORE »

NBC/MSNBC political broadcaster Tim Russert died today at work in Washington, killed by a sudden heart attack. Russert and his family had just returned from a vacation in Italy where they were celebrating the college graduation of son Luke. The VP of News for NBC and head of all Washington operations for the network, Russert joined the company in 1984 after working for Democratic campaigns. He took over Meet the Press in 1991 and won myriad awards for his journalism and books. Good-bye Tim! Election night won’t be the same without you. And now, let’s enjoy a Wonkette/YouTube/Photo tribute to “Lil’ Russ.” MORE »

Here is the most painfully awkward moment in the last two days, where Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe tells Tim Russert that his father, “Big Russ,” is dead and watching on from Heaven. “Big Russ” is not dead at all. What revenge does the Hillary campaign have planned for MSNBC? Oh right, killing Tim Russert’s father. [YouTube]