*OLD BUSH TO ENDORSE SIMILARLY OLD MCCAIN:* President George Herbert Walker Bush will endorse John McCain Monday, the Politicos report. George H.W. Bush may be the only American older than John McCain, so this adds some elder credibility to the warmonger’s candidacy. But in John McCain’s native country, Mexico, there are still many people older than him. [Politico]

John McCain hates Mitt Romney with the passion of the gods. So how does he show his appreciation for Romney’s official endorsement today? By saying Mittens made him “a better candidate,” with those hilarious lies and Iraq timetables and state health care in Massachusetts. Mitt Romney being a preppy flip-flopper won McCain the nomination. Is that what you’re hearing? No one’s smiling here.

Just as the world was getting over the end of Mitt Romney’s campaign — as the tears of children in Java, Mongolia, Malawi and even our own United States had finally stopped flowing — our Mittens has decided to formally endorse John McCain today. We miss you, Mittens! Don’t surrender like this to the McCain 9/11 Terrorists! Seeing your name in the news again… oh, the tears of loss have suddenly returned. [AP/Breitbart]

Nice job, CNN! Indeed, no one heard that Fred Thompson endorsed John McCain on Friday. No one reported this at all, until today. [via TPM]

Wonkette’s “Polaroid Liz” Glover is up at New York City’s Fashion Week, with all the famous Movie Stars and popular musicians and various other hobos! Aside from looking at all the pretty new clothes, Liz harassed these celebrities about their presidential endorsements. Nicky Hilton is oblivious to everything, Maggie Gyllenhaal is a mute, and Pharrell Williams wants to know what Liz thinks. Clearly none of them know that there’s an election this year, because celebrities aren’t very smart.

DC council member Marion “America’s Politician” Barry will endorse frisky, young upstart Barack Obama later this week, because Barack helps us forget the past. What’s so bad about the past, Mayor Crackhead? Nevertheless, hooray! MORE »

Famous black rapper 50 Cent has chosen gender over race and endorsed Hillary Clinton. He says Obama would get shot if he were president, just like 50 Cent, because they’re both… men? Beats me. For one of these reasons, Bill O’Reilly has decided to call him a “pinhead,” which is a decidedly lame insult to throw at someone in 2008. 50 Cent will now shoot Bill O’Reilly, and I will endorse 50 Cent as a write-in candidate. Video after the jump! MORE »

The Los Angeles Times endorsed Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination today, as well as John “The Liberal Who Proudly Wants To Occupy Iraq Permanently” McCain for the Republicans. Barack, the editorial board notes, is “a man of African descent, born in the nation’s youngest state, with a childhood spent partly in Asia, among Muslims.” Indeed, his time “among Muslims” is precisely why he’s a fundamentalist Islamic Muslim terrorist today. MORE »

Did you once star in a movie or on teevee, or possibly both? Do you have the sort of rippling muscles that only come from hard work, dedication, hours of staring at fetishistic “men’s fitness” magazines, and steroids? Did your brutal antics once entertain millions of mouth-breathing mulleted Neanderthals during the 1980s? Then we want to hear about who you endorse for President in 2008! MORE »

Hey, remember when the Clintons lived in the south? Arkansas or somewhere? State where a lot of the Democrats are black? Hillary went back there this week to touch base with the folks and got a big nod from the King himself — Elvis! Or, to be more accurate, “Belvis,” the black Elvis. MORE »

*THEY’VE LOST MURDOCH? THEY’VE LOST MURDOCH!:* The New York Post endorsed Barack Obama for the nomination today, and they did so in 2000 Senate race style — by shredding Hillary and Bill Clinton. Don’t the Clintons still have Rupert Murdoch in their entourage? Did we miss some recent News Corp. memo on the Gawker blog announcing a Change? Although Barry probably had this locked when the New York Times endorsed Hillary Clinton. [NY Post]