It’s almost like this guy wants America to have some kind of good health-care system for everybody, even the AARP — the main voters/money-holders of the United States. “I understand how easy it is for this town to become retarded,” Obama just said. Oh and Obama is talking about that dickwad senator who wants to “break” Obama by defeating health care reform. You can’t break a muslin, dummy! MORE »

LIVEBLOGGING DR. OBAMA’S SEX CHAT, 8 PM: If the teevee works, your editor will deliver hot live medical sexblogging tonight, starting at 8 p.m. Eastern, when Surgeon General Barack Obama will actually be “born again” on prime time and sign his own birth certificate authorizing a new moon base completely constructed from the corpses of “birthers.” Do not miss it!

Mark Sanford’s going to talk to the media, RIGHT NOW. We are watching MSNBC, which is most likely to cover it — it is hard to get a camera inside South Carolina — due to its liberal politics. Make your bets NOW about possible sex affairs/love children, closest-without-going-over gets a chocolate dildo…

SUMMARY: If you missed the hot live action, he admitted to having a hot sex affair with a hot babe in Argentina, for a year, and then he apologized to millions of people and Gods. MORE »

Wow it’s morning so that means Barack Obama is giving televised remarks about the latest failed giant business he’s buying us for Ramadan. General Motors! “The collapse of these companies would’ve been devastating to America,” etc., yes we know, “and it would be good for American workers and American manufacturing and good for America’s economy” if, heh heh, GM didn’t have to pay all its debts. Let’s live-blog this by liveblogging, now! MORE »

Oh boy, even on the NPR they are saying, “Sonia Sotomayor is a loudmouth who thinks she makes better decisions than white men.” (”I’m paraphrasing,” says the commentator.) The nerve! This whole scenario is playing out exactly as ordained in Christopher Buckley’s latest fictional opus. MORE »

Somebody on MSNBC said that Obama’s speech was ten pages single spaced and this must be true, because this has been going on half an hour and he is just getting started. How does this guy manage to talk at such lengths without a glass of water nearby? Because he is Magic. MORE »

Remember how Barack Obama doesn’t want to own all these companies, and he’s so tired of having to be CEO of basically everything, and really he just wants to have his wars and play basketball? Well, today is a new day, and Obama is now making Chrysler go bankrupt. But it’s not Chrysler’s fault! It’s not the unions’ fault. Like every bad thing, it is the fault of speculators, stock-jobbers, and other “hedge funds.” Let’s liveblog his speech! MORE »

Are you part of the “broader tapestry of American life,” as Mr. Cool just said? How have you enjoyed Intern Juli as she helmed the HMS Liveblog Ship of State? HA AT EXACTLY THAT MOMENT OBAMA REFERRED TO AMERICA AS “THAT BATTLESHIP,” which is what McCain used to call him, because McCain calls everybody “that battleship.” Let’s continue the liveblogging! We are humbled by it, and we are patient by it. MORE »

Hey friends welcome to the first (1st) part of the liveblog! If you’re joining us from “YouTube,” “aloha” to you. And a very special “Feliz Navidad” to our Barack Obama, who has been the President for 100 days at this point, today. Let’s hear his smug self-congratulations. MORE »

Yes we can haz liveblogging, tonight, beginning when the excitement begins, which is 8PM Eastern and 5PM Western. Do you not have a teevee? Well good for you, but also THAT’S NO EXCUSE because this historic 100-years-war, which will be marked with a fireside chat from the White House (reporters will be burned for fuel), it is also the historic first time YouTube is showing live streaming nude video of the Obama Press Conference. MORE »

Her whole life she’d wondered. How could she, a lively and high-spirited young woman, possibly be the child of a deeply depressed and profoundly lifeless pill addict like her so-called mother? She thought she might have the answer now … MORE »