Yikes! Barack Obama might still like this guy for Health and Human Services, but somebody is out to get poor Tom Daschle, an innocent and honorable man who accidentally underpaid his taxes by a hundred thousand dollars and change. Two Democratic turncoats have been whispering in the ears of Politico reporters, to whom we link because one of the reporters is our beloved Ben Smith, who is “friendly.” The point is, these Democratic sources totally ratted out Daschle, which means they are being disloyal to the president, which means they will be executed. MORE »

Now that it’s officially pre-2009, we can start guiltlessly recycling all the material we’ve already written into Top Ten Posts. Today’s took a surprisingly long time to compile. It seemed like a good idea to look at all the funny terms we used to describe our Political Enemies, and it turns out that phrases like “rancid shit-sack,” “vulgar fraud,” “human garbage,” and “cretin” turn up with shocking frequency around these parts. So, after the jump, a painstakingly culled collection of our favorite mean phrases we used to describe objectionable people such as Joe the Plumber, Eliot Spitzer, and of course our all-time favorite, the humanoid sewer-pipe and self-professed eternal virgin Joe Lieberman. MORE »

Well this is the shadiest sentence ever written: “Located in the heart of DC on embassy road –where all of the embassy’s are.” Hmm, wonder if that’s near Embassy Row, where there are also a lot of embassies? Another major tip-off: “All money will be handled through money wire.” A true plutocrat would never be so tasteless as to mention the word “money,” twice! Obviously, John Edwards is behind this scam. [Craigslist]

Hey John Edwards, want to debate Karl Rove in San Francisco for some reason? Sure why the hell not! That’s what’s going on today in San Francisco, where the two are engaging in a discussion about the economy at a meeting of commercial bankers. No Cameras. This is only Edwards’ second appearance since admitting that he banged a dingbat f-list 1980s New York socialite, “Rielle.” He can slip in to San Francisco and debate “finance” with a Republican fraud-lord for an unusually high speaking fee very, very stealthily, because most media outlets in the area are busy covering the current Gays vs. Blacks vs. Mormons Marriage War that has set the quaint seaside metropolis ablaze. [ABC7]

Vulgar sex clown John Edwards is ending a three-month public silence tonight with a lecture of sorts at Indiana University. He will discuss politics for a cool $35,000, which is more than many American adults make in a year of manual labor. Then he will probably go to Iowa to get them ground ops all geared up for 2012! He’s gotta win it one of these days! [Indiana Daily Student]

With every Republican short of Roberta McCain endorsing Barack Obama, it only makes sense that somebody would try to dig up a Democrat voting for McCain (NO LIEBERMAN DOES NOT COUNT). And here it is, your token Democrat Wendy Button, writing in Evelyn Waugh’s Weblog Compendium of Critical Musings about how the Democratic party has abandoned her. She worked for John Edwards — a big fat libtard liberal with fancy ideas about how government should help people, and poor people shouldn’t be poor — and now, after the media made fun of Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton, she will be voting for John McCain, because he has promised not to raise rich people’s taxes. Huh? On a side note, if this gal can get a job writing for three major Democratic presidential candidates, your Wonkette editors should get the fucking Nobel Prize for literature. [The Daily Beast]

DID JOHN EDWARDS HAVE MORE SEX WITH LADIES?: Intrepid blog reporter Choire Sicha hears that a New York Times Metro reporter is digging into “a story about John Edwards and a Duke graduate.” We are Ethical and don’t want to spread scurrilous rumors, but maybe John Edwards has been fucking a Duke graduate? Maybe John Edwards has been fucking seven Duke graduates and had like 20 babies with each of them, who knows, there must be more information out there. [Radar]

Here’s some low-level fuckery to get you through the afternoon, courtesy of perverse Wonkette Operative “Bobby,” who sends hilarious instructions for sending legitimate-looking TXT announcements from Barack Obama. Who will be the new vice president? Whoever you want, that’s who! MORE »

Look everyone, we are returning “this thing,” your end-of-the-day roundup of political news. New Wonkette Intern JULI will write it. Very nicely welcome Intern Juli!

• Why won’t McCain lose his own 11 homes and $520 moccasins to foreclosure, in solidarity? [The Caucus]
• Four alarm symbolism! John “son-of-a-mill-worker” Edwards’ precious mill burned to the ground yesterday. [Fresh Intelligence]
• McCain is choosing every resident of Ohio as his Vice President. [Marc Ambinder]
• Respected journalist Jerome Corsi links McCain to jihadists in Muslim Kosovo and the St. Regis Hotel. [World Net Daily]
• McCain insists Obama is disguising his shameful ambition with “claims” and “positions” on Iraq. [Top of the Ticket]
• Thumb-sucker/Freudian caricature Sally Quinn wants John McCain to transform into a winged horse and rescue her from an earthquake, just like she used to fantasize her father doing. [On Faith]
• Only the Libertarians can save children from horrible field trips to Mark Twain’s house. [Hit and Run]

One of the weirder angles on the John Edwards Sex Scandal is the part where the guy who says he’s Rielle Hunter’s baby daddy, Andrew Young, has to live in the same weird compound (OK FINE A “GATED COMMUNITY”) in North Carolina as Rielle Hunter, and then they all have to move to California, together, with their families, including Mrs. Young and their three children, because they are all in a terrible sex-induced Witness Protection Program. MORE »

This is so great. It’s from Hannity & Colmes, probably last night but definitely sometime recently, and the panel of guests is saying how John Edwards “getting away” with his affair (really?) reveals a double standard — because when Republicans get caught fucking something that isn’t a wife, it taints the whole party, but with Democrats, it just ruins the individual. In other words, we should not trust liberals because John Edwards banged his fake videographer. Anyway, around 2:50, Alan Colmes for the first time in his life starts crushing everyone. MORE »