• RIELLE HUNTER IS NOW SAD! Jesus, did she think they’d Photoshop some pants onto her? “Hunter reportedly ‘cried for two hours’ after she saw the pictures she deemed ‘repulsive’ that accompanied the 10,000 word interview she did with GQ magazine, according to Barbara Walters.” Eh, the Internet will forget them as soon as the next celebrity takes nudie pics with Muppets (Orrin Hatch, about an hour). And again: this interview is complete hilarity. Rielle Hunter is a cartoon version of what you thought Rielle Hunter would be. [CBS News]

Are we still writing about Gross-ass John Edwards and his she-witch Rielle Hunter and their sexy pregnant sex tape and the GQ interview and sad/insane cancer lady Elizabeth Edwards and all that? Maybe! Just for today, anyway. HERE YOU GO: “On the video, both participants are naked. Hunter is propped up against the hotel bed headboard, with John Edwards belly-down on the bed between her legs. As Hunter, the campaign’s official videographer, holds the camera, a smiling Edwards performs oral sex.” [Gawker]

Are you one of the fistful of Americans who cares what Rielle Hunter does with her life since she bravely bore the child of the android King of Vulgarian Monticello, Mr. Johnny Edwards? Well, read on! Rielle Hunter has completed an interview with GQ and posed for a pantsless photo, just as Susan B. Anthony intended. MORE »

WEIRD EDWARDS SLAVE & WIFE LITERALLY GOING TO JAIL FOR 100 YEARS: Holy potatoes, the judge actually went through with it! This is bigger than Judy Miller and Obama combined: “PITTSBORO, NC (WTVD) — A judge ordered Andrew Young and his wife jailed Tuesday until they produce a sex tape in the lawsuit filed against them by John Edwards’ mistress Rielle Hunter.” SHOW THE INTERNET FIRST. [ABC 11]

Sleazy but “better than John Edwards” person Andrew Young, who illegally sucked John Edwards off every night before bedtime until realizing “hey I can write a tell-all and make big bucks,” is in super big-time trouble. A judge is threatening to send him and his wife Cheri — that’s his real wife; his fake wife is Rielle Hunter — to jail for lying, on the record, about how many people they showed the John Edwards Sex Tape. Was it just a few agents and one ABC News producer, in public, as they suggested? Or was it to all sorts of New York journalists on his big screen teevee, late at night, during epic masturbation parties? MORE »

YOU & THAH BASTARD CAN LIVE IN MAH MILL: “John Edwards has proposed to his mistress Rielle Hunter, and is buying a luxury $3.5 million beachfront home where they can live happily ever after with their love child, The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively.” Right but how awesome is this graphic? [Enquirer]

Hey, here’s a hilarious way to get someone to find your secret, life/career/marriage-ruining sex tape that you filmed with a minor Jay McInerney character: lazily and shadily unwind some of the tape and label it “SPECIAL.” Because no one will want to quickly put it back together and watch it! MORE »

Whoa hey Elizabeth Edwards has left her Johnny finally, according to the People magazine. Hmm. Was there… a problem? As usual, this is poor baby Quinn’s fault: “After meeting the love child that rocked her 32-year marriage to one-time presidential candidate John Edwards, Elizabeth Edwards has had enough… Last December, Elizabeth met the 23-month-old Frances Quinn Hunter – the baby John fathered with mistress Rielle Hunter – in a mediated visit at a North Carolina hotel.” Jesus, did the creature have a massive anus on its head or something? [People]

Have you read the Wall Street Journal’s review of Andrew Young’s book THE POLITICIAN about John Edwards yet?? It’s not really a review so much as a “check out all of these fucked up things John Edwards did while running for president” laundry list. +1, Wall Street Journal. MORE »

WHAT IS THE JOHN EDWARDS SEX TAPE LIKE? Fancy reporting, Gawker, about John Edwards and his boning on camera. We’ve already seen it. There’s a still, to your left, with the three main participants. [Gawker]

Well well well! Well. Well. Well. HMM. John Edwards has arrived in Haiti to do relief work. He is perhaps the only person on Earth right now who can volunteer to bring doctors, food, and supplies to dying Haitians and become more of a monstrous asshole by doing so. MORE »

Well! John Edwards, he of corrupt temperament and “Scott Brown good looks,” announced this morning apropos of nothing that he is the father of his baby, John Edwards’ Baby. This admission follows a two-year bad-faith charade in which Edwards denied impregnating inconsequential Jay McInerney character Rielle Hunter. Turns out there’s a trashy-sounding Edwards campaign tell-all coming out next month, and Edwards wanted to beat Jay McInerney to the punch! MORE »

Look what’s up for pre-sale, everybody: the memoir from John Edwards’ famous ex-slave, Andrew Young, about how he would blow and grundle-pump ol’ Haircut every morning for years, only to be rewarded with an order to claim the fatherhood of John Edwards’ bastard child. Hey, publisher’s website? We think you have the wrong Andrew Young here, in your bio. If you thought you were getting that Andrew Young to write a book, well then, ha ha ha, oh man… don’t shoot the messenger! [Macmillan]