WASHINGTON, DC, 11:25 AM, TUE NOVEMBER 10 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS

Posts Tagged ‘hijinks’

GAMBLING ADDICTS

‘Missing’ Stevens Juror Skipped Deliberations For Horse Race

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

That is the Swedish word for 'kook'The jury deliberating over Ted Stevens’ corruption trial consisted exclusively of angry cat ladies and addled kooks, one of whom was so disruptive she almost caused a mistrial. But then there was this OTHER juror, Juror No. 4, who ALSO messed things up by disappearing, mysteriously, to “go to her father’s funeral in California” over the weekend and never turned up again. (She was replaced at the last minute and bam, the alternate and the old jurors quickly reached a verdict.) But HMMMM has anyone ever been to a funeral on a racetrack where they race horses, for sport and money? MORE »


HIJINKS

Straight Talk Express Will Vote For Obama, Too

Thursday, August 7th, 2008

A boil on the assPoor Straight Talk Express, it sure had an awful go of things yesterday. At some point, either before or after it crushed an elderly black handicapped war veteran hero’s minivan, some rascally kids put an Obama bumper sticker on it. Check out the first comment on this website, too: “We were planning on doing that in my home town in iowa with a Ron Paul sticker, but decided against it as we figured it would upset people rather than make them laugh.” Huh? [Political Irony]


DEMOCRATS

Democrats Launch ‘McCainpedia,’ It Be Dumb

Monday, May 19th, 2008

Oh golly look at what those rascals at the liberal Democrat party are up to now. They have made a website called “McCainpedia,” a clever play off of “Encyclopedia,” and it is the first website to do this. This site is not funny, and Ageist, and that’s all there is to say about “McCainpedia.” [McCainpedia]


JOHN MCCAIN

McCain Chides America for Being Hippies

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008

John McCain spent day three of his “Service to America” tour much like he did day two: by telling everyone younger than him that they’re a bunch of lazy sallies. He went to Annapolis and its Naval Academy, where he graduated like last in his class. He said “too few Americans live up to their civic responsibilities and challenged them to do more to serve their community and country.” Then he listed all the trouble he caused as a young midshipman whose father and grandfather were both admirals. He also forgot an entire page of his prepared remarks, because he is too old to read. MORE »


TEXAS

Paultards Enraged At Fake City

Monday, February 18th, 2008

This is the city they were so mad aboutRon Paul’s most fervent supporters were outraged to learn that “Watson University” had rescinded an invitation for the Libertarian congressman to speak there. One commenter on The City Desk declared angrily that “Ron Paul can teach your entire student body more in 1 hour than they learn in 4 years of study.” But the biggest problem with this educational institution isn’t their brazen dis of America’s greatest patriot. It’s that it doesn’t exist. MORE »