Tag Archives: pt hard times

  hard times

Terrified DNC Reporters Trapped Inside Filthy Butthole Murder Motels, Nation Laughs

There is a crisis, in Charlotte, that outweighs all other crises in America — including “the gaffes” — right now: the DNC assigned reporters to a bunch of shitty motels and they’re unhappy. And how does the Democratic platform address this? What about the Republican platform? Not a mention, proving once and for all that this is the most unserious presidential race we’ve ever witnessed. Now your Wonkette, which is first and foremost a Rich Person’s Blog, made accommodations at a palatial, 17th century French-style estate with a stable of 400 dancing horses. Maybe if these others reporters ever got off the welfare and got jobs for once in their pathetic lives, they could live the Wonkette 1% life, too. For now, let’s read tragic descriptions from the National Review of the squalor that we, as a nation, have allowed our proud national political reporter class to all die in. Read more on Terrified DNC Reporters Trapped Inside Filthy Butthole Murder Motels, Nation Laughs…
  hard times

Rick Santorum Spending Kids’ College Money On His Funny Campaign

Rick Santorum chose a hot Tennessee BBQ joint yesterday to unveil his new campaign message: He’s really poor. How poor? He’s so poor, he has to run for president, the last job in America that comes with decent health insurance. How poor? He’s so poor, he makes many hundreds of thousands of dollars per year and then blows it all on the aforementioned presidential campaign. Because he’s been dipping into the Holy Santorum Chest of Treasures and Investments to cover the costs of his campaign, which he wasn’t supposed to touch until his second-wedding night. Read more on Rick Santorum Spending Kids’ College Money On His Funny Campaign…
  hard times

Mitt Romney Has Worn A Garbage Bag, Just Like You

The whole world (or a few thousand people) laughed at Mitt Romney for mocking those poor NASCAR fans he encountered the other day in their plastic ponchos, telling them, “I like those fancy raincoats you bought. Really sprung for the big bucks.” Why didn’t Mitt buy them all golden GORE-TEX rain-repellent space jackets? Does he even want to buy the presidency anymore? But no, he says now, he wasn’t mocking them. There are plenty of times when he’s had to wear much worse — garbage bags, even. He loves garbage! He probably only rents his suits, too, when he’s not wearing his beloved garbage bags. Read more on Mitt Romney Has Worn A Garbage Bag, Just Like You…
  hard times

Fancy Rich CA Lawmaker Lady Caught Stealing From Nieman Marcus

California is a very broke-ass state, and so apparently, are its politicians: San Francisco’s Democratic Assemblywoman Mary Hayashi got caught lifting a few thousand dollars’ worth of merchandise from official rich person store Nieman Marcus. How very “Winona Ryder” of her! Come on, though, just go steal something more normal for a politician, like “education” maybe, or “our children’s future.” Those things are still legal. Read more on Fancy Rich CA Lawmaker Lady Caught Stealing From Nieman Marcus…
  hard times

With Jobs Scarce, Bounty Hunter Forced To Play Accordion For Tips

Let’s see, what do you want us to post right now? Another “Nancy Pelosi says she has votes for health care but of course it’s not being voted on” or “Sad Boba Fett playing accordion for tips in the subway station”? EXACTLY. Read more on With Jobs Scarce, Bounty Hunter Forced To Play Accordion For Tips…
  hard times

HAROLD FORD, JUST STRUGGLIN’ TO PAY THOSE WATER BILLS: “Now I’ve taken a 45-day unpaid leave of absence from my job at Merrill Lynch. It’s not right to draw a salary when I’m out every day campaigning. Fortunately, I’ve still got a little NYU teaching job and some MSNBC, so for a while I think I can put food on the table.” Are you sure you don’t need a few bucks? Don’t hesitate to ask. [NY Post] Read more on …
  hard times

Dow Drops 733, S&P Down 9%, Worse Since ’87 Crash

In good news, oil is back to September 2007 prices. (In bad news, gas was still $3 a gallon then, so, uhh …) WHAT DOES IT MEAN. It means the numbers are finally coming in to back up the gloom. Nobody in the stores, no demand for gasoline as people have no jobs, no money, and use their car as a “rusty tent.” So, we’re back to Black Friday territory, from last week. DON’T EVER LOOK AT YOUR 401(k) AGAIN. Read more on Dow Drops 733, S&P Down 9%, Worse Since ’87 Crash…
  hard times

Liveblogging the Depression Town Hall Debate, Part II

If there was ever a time for an old-fashioned community meetin’ at the old town hall, what with the world comin’ to an end and such, that time is now, brothers and sisters. But, we can’t even do a Great Depression right, so get ready for a lot of inane questions submitted via Twitter on the Internet or whatever, as McCain prepares to challenge Obama on the question of whether black people should even be allowed to vote, let alone run for president. Read more on Liveblogging the Depression Town Hall Debate, Part II…