Tag Archives: pt go to jail go directly to jail

  go to jail go directly to jail

Politico Puts Michelle Obama In Mommy-Wars/Bad-Feminist Jail

Michelle Obama, you are UNDER ARREST on the charges of being a BAD FEMINIST! You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will lead you to be fucked if you do and fucked if you don’t. You have the right to an attorney, if you can even find one, since all the attorneys are hairy-legged spinster career womyn from Wellesley who hate women who give up their cool jobs to be “mom in chief” and also want to murder them probably, and no jury would ever convict. What’s up, Michelle Cottle writing at Politico? Do you got some feminists to pit against some other feminists, to call each other bad feminists? Oh boy, we CANNOT WAIT. [The higher education gap], finally, was an issue worthy of the Ivy-educated, blue-chip law firm-trained first lady, a departure from the safely, soothingly domestic causes she had previously embraced. Gardening? Tending wounded soldiers? Reading to children? “She essentially became the English lady of the manor, Tory Party, circa 1830s,” feminist Linda Hirshman says. Oh, we get it! Linda Hirshman is a giant asshole! Read more on Politico Puts Michelle Obama In Mommy-Wars/Bad-Feminist Jail…
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Hero Hawaii Democrat Going Around Smashing Homeless People’s Stuff, Because They Are ‘Disgusting’ — Wait, What?

Hawaii News Now – KGMB and KHNL What the everloving fuck, Hawaii? You are so cool! You are HAWAII. Prezzy Bamz was born in you! You were multicultural before multiculturalism was Satan’s immigrant basket! Everybody is all mellow and high and gets along unless you are in Makaha or accidentally crash someone’s house party in Waipio Valley, in which case mad wahines might try to fight you and the cops don’t even go down there because they are scared of the 50 crazy people who live there and their feuds! At least, everybody is mellow and high and gets along except this state representative — AND DEMOCRAT — Tom Brower, who has been going around smashing homeless people’s fucking meager belongings, because of how homeless people are “disgusting” and he is going to solve the problem, WHAT! Read more on Hero Hawaii Democrat Going Around Smashing Homeless People’s Stuff, Because They Are ‘Disgusting’ — Wait, What?…
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How Is Maureen Dowd Committing Journalistic Malpractice Today?

There is a bit of girl-on-girl violence going on at the moment, and it has nothing to do with Mitch McConnell and his Tea Bag friend. But who is instigating this Mean Girl parade? Oh, it is Maureen Dowd, imagine that. And why should she go to Journalism Jail today? Just for being, generally, the kind of lady “journalist” who probably is the reason Aaron Sorkin makes every one of his lady “journalist” characters a complete fucking emotional wreck of a nitwit who can’t find her labia majora with both hands and a mirror. (Because she and Aaron Sorkin used to bone. Sorry, try not to think about it.) Let’s get into it, we guess, sigh. Read more on How Is Maureen Dowd Committing Journalistic Malpractice Today?…
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Lauryn Hill, Joe Francis Both Going To Prison For Crime Of Being Too Rad

Why do you people insist on enslaving Lauryn Hill, by buying her records? Now, thanks to you, she is going to prison for not paying taxes on the 50 million units she sold, and if that is not slavery, we do not know what is. Or actually, if that is not slavery, Lauryn Hill does not know what is. Let’s go to the tape, TMZ! “I was put into a system I didn’t know the nature of. … I’m a child of former slaves. I got into an economic paradigm and had that imposed on me,” Hill said. She continued, “I sold 50 million units … now I’m up here paying a tax debt. If that’s not likened to slavery, I don’t know what is.” Huh. Well. We will go through some other things that are like slavery — like maybe some false imprisonment and attempted sexual assaults or something, perpetrated by one “Gentleman Joe” Francis, who is also going to prison — after the jump! (It is a bad day to be an asshole celebrity, is what we are saying, SADFACE.) Read more on Lauryn Hill, Joe Francis Both Going To Prison For Crime Of Being Too Rad…
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86-Year-Old Minnesota Lady With Dementia Revealed As Vote Fraud Ringleader

Drudge Sirens! We have finally found some voter fraud! And we mean REAL voter fraud, unlike a GOP guy throwing away voter registration forms, GOP voter suppression efforts, an election worker adding GOP votes to blank absentee ballots, or idiot Fox News fans “testing” whether vote fraud was possible. No, by “voter fraud,” we mean “someone who wanted to vote for Obama (though it was actually just the primary).” Duh. Margaret Schneider, an 86-year-old woman in St. Peter, Minnesota, voted twice in the 2012 primary elections: once by absentee ballot on July 13, and a second time on election day, Aug. 14. The fraudster admits that she double-voted, but the liberal media merely winks at this crime against democracy with a lot of phony excuses, parroting some nonsense about her having been “diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease” and claiming that “dementia is one of her symptoms.” We believe that firmness is the only way to deal with sweet old ladies with degenerative neurological conditions, and we call upon elections officials nationwide to make sure this never happens again by requiring all voters to undergo DNA analysis and a colonoscopy before voting, and also by sending her to jail forever and ever the end amen. Read more on 86-Year-Old Minnesota Lady With Dementia Revealed As Vote Fraud Ringleader…
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Former French President Nicolas Sarkozy: Hurry Up And Wait For Jail

America let George W. Bush return to his quiet, private life so his undocumented workers he could clean up dust bunnies in his suburban McMansion even though he tortured us all (some of us, literally) for eight years playing neo-con puppet to Dick Cheney’s and John Bolton’s war administration. This says a lot about America (not all of it good). Perhaps we were nice to George because it would hurt our collective John Wayne Gacy hearts to see a wild n’ free cowboy behind bars. But France doesn’t have any cowboys. This Friday, June 15, former French president Nicolas Sarkozy will lose his presidential immunity from criminal prosecution and be eligible for investigation for some alleged crimes we already told you about (taking illegal campaign contributions from two crazy people: L’Oréal heiress Liliane Bettencourt and dead dictator Moamar Gaddafi) plus two more: Read more on Former French President Nicolas Sarkozy: Hurry Up And Wait For Jail…
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FBI Foils Stupid Jerk Anarchists’ Stupid Violent May Day Nonsense

Dear “Anarchists,” no one likes you, stop trying to blow shit up even if it IS the Federal Reserve. (A bridge? You wanna blow up a BRIDGE? The kind the WORKING MAN drives on, with his fambly? Way to stick it to The Man, dicks.) CLEVELAND, Ohio – The FBI arrested five men Monday evening, saying they had planted what they believed were explosive devices under the Ohio 82 bridge over Cuyahoga Valley National Park as part of a May Day protest today. The five men were “self-proclaimed anarchists,” who intended to detonate two improvised explosive devices (IEDs) under the bridge in Sagamore Hills, but had purchased the inert devices from undercover FBI agents, officials said. Read more on FBI Foils Stupid Jerk Anarchists’ Stupid Violent May Day Nonsense…