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Liveblogging The Last Arizona Apocalypse & The End Of All Things

Is it really already the last debate? Have there even been any before tonight? Wait, the intern telling us something… !!!… okay, so there have been about 20 debates! Thanks, intern. (You’re fired.) Well, this process has certainly made us a better nation. So let’s watch tonight’s CNN debate live from the gay Mexican firecracker hellscape of Arizona and type some nonsense about it. Read more on Liveblogging The Last Arizona Apocalypse & The End Of All Things…
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America’s Collapse Briefly Stalled By Sexytime Obama Pic

Terrible oil spills destroying however many states/Gulfs of Mexico? Stock market collapse, again? Who cares, just look at these sexy grownup people dressed all fancy and not having sex affairs with bloggers or whatever. Read more on America’s Collapse Briefly Stalled By Sexytime Obama Pic…
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Get Ready For Tax Credits And Weatherization Incentives!

Oh, you didn’t know? Allah made Harry Reid black, as “punishment” for saying “Negro dialect.” But he still has Harry Reid’s voice, is the thing! Anyway what’s this thing, jobs bill, okay sounds good… Read more on Get Ready For Tax Credits And Weatherization Incentives!…
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“ECONOMY” GROWS AT HILARIOUS PACE: Ha ha ha GDP grew 5.7% during the last quarter of 2009, just like in the good old days, when people had jobs. How healthy does this economy sound: the major reason for growth was that “businesses reduced inventories less aggressively.” Stupid move, businesses. It’s not like anyone’s going to buy your shit. [Reuters] Read more on …
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Single Comical, Failed Underpants Bomber Rewrites Entire Government Agenda

Now hopefully you all didn’t forget that in America, we only address domestic issues such as energy, transportation, health care, jobs, etc. when there is either a real or imagined lull in NATIONAL TERROR AND WAR issues about which we can do nothing to fully protect ourselves, did you? Because now the lull is over, so stop whining about your personal bankruptcy problems! This one retarded Nigerian crispy penis airplane man who may or may not have been involved with a sub-division of Al Qaeda has officially freaked out an entire nation and rewritten the Obama Adminstration’s agenda, forever. It’s a good thing Terrorists never expect a whiny titty baby nation to comically overrreact to every attempted plot they pretend to undertake, right? Read more on Single Comical, Failed Underpants Bomber Rewrites Entire Government Agenda…
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Chelsea Clinton’s Getting Married To the Investment Banker Son of a Federal Prisoner!

Love is in the air! Famous first daughter Chelsea Clinton is getting married to some guy she’s shacked up with, in Manhattan. He’s a Wall Street hotshot, and everybody loves those guys. And his dad is a convicted felon who recently got out of FEDERAL PRISON. The Clintons: Still making everybody else look better. [Chicago Sun-Times] Read more on Chelsea Clinton’s Getting Married To the Investment Banker Son of a Federal Prisoner!…
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Gridiron Dinner Features Usual Masturbatory Hijinks, Minus The President

Barack Obama missed out on the much-ballyhooed Gridiron Dinner this weekend, an event in which journalists and politicians sit around very expensive tables with long white linen tablecloths and quietly give each other handjobs. Instead the president stayed at Camp David with his family, blah. Fortunately, Joe Biden attended the dinner and brought home the larfs. Read more on Gridiron Dinner Features Usual Masturbatory Hijinks, Minus The President…
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World Still Unsure How Marc Ambinder Feels About Ross Douthat

How are the Washington journalists responding to the selection of new NYT op-ed columnist Ross Douthat? The Atlantic‘s Marc Ambinder, for one, has mixed feelings: “Ross is a late-twenties-year-old public intellectual with the sensibility of a 60-year eminence grise, the range of a Hitchens, the pitch of a conservative AJP Taylor, the conscience of a Neibuhr and the intellectual honesty of his frequent sparring partner, Andrew Sullivan… Bill Kristol was just a mistake, but boy, talk about the rebound: I think Ross is the sharpest, most innovative heterodox thinker of his generation, left or right… As the chairman of the Atlantic would say, Ross is in his vertical hour. And now, one of the greatest minds in the country has one of the world’s best megaphones.” He concludes that Ross Douthat is best read while in the nude. [Marc Ambinder] Read more on World Still Unsure How Marc Ambinder Feels About Ross Douthat…
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Barack Obama Relaxed Your Summer Dress Code!

Guess what, Democratic National Committee kids working through the hot summer months while everybody else is pretty much not thinking at all about the election? The DNC says you can sorta dress down for summer — but not like a complete whore or a bum! Read the new Dress Code and feel the wind beneath your … uh, skirt. Read more on Barack Obama Relaxed Your Summer Dress Code!…