Dennis Hastert, you remember this comically repellent monster? Once he was a Speaker of the House, and then he resigned to go work in George W. Bush’s secret cryogenics laboratory where he toils to this day trying to make the Earth’s largest dildo out of recycled human organs. Anyway, Hastert has a son who wanted to run for Congress, but now he can’t, because he lost in the GOP primary yesterday. MORE »