Wonkette operative “Miriam H.” sends us this historic photo of our nation’s greatest president, George W. Bush, at a Texas baseball game today, where he threw out the first pitch. He is looking east at Mecca because it is that time of day. This is the closest a Wonkette operative has ever gotten to George W. Bush — THAT WE KNOW OF. Gross.

Wow, judging from this photograph alone, St. Louis looks awesome. Dedicated legal journalist “Allison” writes: “Obama confidante and gorgeous Darfur lover George Clooney was just spotted in St. Louis. Filming started today here on his new movie, Up in the Air (otherwise known as George Clooney stalks around airports in bland, featureless cities like St. Louis). Georgie was shooting at an urban-blighted apartment building across from my office. I had no idea until I started hearing shrieks from our conference room overlooking the scene. See attached the photo (taken by my bud Lauren). George is the tiny figure with the rolling suitcase, just above the window ledge covered in bird shit.” Thank you Allison and Lauren, for your service to America and Darfur.

Wonkette clutch operative “Mark” writes, “I saw Ashley Todd in a Barnes & Noble in Pittsburgh. Her wounds have healed, though she looked a little nervous. She was just drinking a coffee and reading a magazine. I would call her a freeloader for not working at 11 AM on a Tuesday and reading magazines she doesn’t intend to buy, but that’s what I was doing too.” No, “Mark,” we all know that you were there to carve her up with magazine papercuts while being a black person.

HMM it appears as though greaseball failure Barack Obama is being extra sneaky today in Washington. Several operatives have seen Hussein Obama Jr. inconspicuously wandering about such barren wastelands as “Dupont Circle.” He must be buying drugs from the homosexuals! Or just picking a boring vice president, as per usual. You decide, after the jump. MORE »

• EMERGENCY OBAMA WONK’D: Wonkette bodybuilding operative “Will” sends us an important notice of Barack Obama’s whereabouts this morning: “At washington sports club on connecticut north of dupont. He and reggie love were lifting free weights and listening to ipods. Barack’s musical selection? Eminem - Lose Yourself.” What a loser!

Wonkette Bitter operative “Carl” brings us a very important EMERGENCY WONK’D today, in which he spots Barack Obama at Eliot Spitzer’s hooker hotel in Washington D.C. Barry, of course, is in town today to vote in favor of the illegal FISA overhaul. But mostly he is just talking on his cell phone and riding in a foreign terrorism-supporting S.U.V. and ignoring “Carl” and his Bitter friends. Read the account, after the jump. MORE »

How the hell is Mike Huckabee doing these days? Well, he’s thirsty, and he’s still running for President of Jesus, and to finance both of these things he delivered a paid speech in the Cayman Islands — where the Fat Cats hide their money — this weekend. Wonkette operative “Mikey G.” happened to spot Huckabee at Miami Airport on Sunday, presumably when our heroic candidate was returning from his Island holiday. Huckabee, of course, was very alone, and no one knew who he was. MORE »

Reader C.J. writes: “OMG its George Allen With his wife at Austin Grill in Old Town. Right now. Both of them are having beers which is actually kinda awesome. NO VISIBLE FOOTBALL. Man oh man….Mrs Allen is a total SWILF!!!! Damn.” MORE »