We’re getting pretty local here, but it is important that everyone memorize the story of how Mark Musselwhite, former mayor of “Gainesville, Georgia,” was arrested last Saturday. Basically he was constantly naked and running around naked everywhere but didn’t know he was naked, because of all the alcohol. Police report, OH YES… MORE »

Former Congressman John “Slappy” Sweeney of the famous New York 20th District, who lost his seat in 2006 after beating up his wife and getting wasted at frat parties, got another god damn DWI over the weekend, his second in eighteen months. It is not clear whether he had a local broad on his lap — as he did the last time, when he was pulled over for nearly crashing into a police car. We await more DETAILS. [Times Union]

Here is Japan’s beloved finance minister, Shoichi “Slurry Joe” Nakagawa, performing his hilarious “drunken finance minister” routine at some G7 press conference. Now he must resign! That’s how they roll in Japan. [MarketWatch]

It’s Caroline Hergenrother! Do you know Caroline Hergenrother? Caroline Hergenrother! She’s just to the right of the friendly wiener. She’s a Republican state House candidate in Ohio, is Caroline Hergenrother! And this weekend, she was dancing at a bar with someone who wasn’t her husband, so her husband got drunk and started punching everyone in the bar — including Caroline Hergenrother, his wife, accidentally! Caroline Hergenrother, YOU SO CRAZY CAROLINE. Check out her annoying website with the talking hobbit version of herself. [PolitickerOH]

Because it’s Video Day at Wonkette (how did that happen?), let’s watch what happens when the editors of Reason, Utne Reader, your Wonkette writers and friends, and a random funny Ron Paul fanatic from Boston meet again in a terrible Irish pub just steps from the beloved Xcel Center and just moments after John McCain disrespected women by dropping balloon bombs on Andrea Mitchell. That’s right, a few moments of drunken hijinx. MORE »

You’ve seen the drunken Bush falling down the stadium steps, you’ve seen the sweaty drunken Bush baffled by the volleyball gal’s ass, and you’ve seen him making terrible faces while his daughter cringes. You maybe even saw a similar shot to this one, over at Gawker’s nice collection of Bush In China Foto Funnies, but this is something special, so very special and retarded. TWO-MINUTES LATER UPDATE: It’s a crappy photoshop. But funny! [Democratic Underground]

George W. Bush wasn’t just dripping sweat while acting like a lunatic at the Olympics — he also couldn’t actually stand up on his own. Jesus! See the creepy close-up, after the jump. MORE »

Dawn Gibbons has been living in the Nevada Governor’s Mansion alone since earlier this year. Jim Gibbons, the moronic alcoholic waitress-assaulting sex criminal who was comically elected governor in 2006 and took a secret midnight oath of office in his Reno living room, has moved back to that Reno house. He served Dawn with divorce papers, but she says he won’t tell her why he’s divorcing her. MORE »

Once upon a time, a brilliant young Yale Law graduate stood poised to bring new vigor, hope, and innovation to American politics — but 35 years of experience have compacted this idealistic upstart into a bejowled diamond of Hate. Want proof? As recently as 1992, Hillary Clinton was exchanging suspiciously human-sounding pleasantries with homeless people! MORE »

Way back in the Fifth Century, Eliot Spitzer took a “white slave” to Ireland. After many years of imprisonment, Little Saint Patrick escaped back to England, which was part of Rome at the time, and he remembered his Irish slavery so fondly that he vowed to return and destroy Paganism. It only took another 1,500 years for Ted Kennedy to drunkenly crash his car off a tiny bridge and drown his girlfriend. Learn more about St. Patrick’s Day, after the jump. MORE »

First Grandlady Barbara Bush revealed last night that Engaged First Twin Jenna Bush is at the White House right now with “15 girlfriends” having a Wedding Shower. Let’s hope President George doesn’t absent-mindedly wander in while the mimosa-drunk gals are trying out the novelty dildos! [Washington Post]