Tag Archives: pt dinguses

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Harold Ford Calls Kirsten Gillibrand A ‘Parakeet,’ That Jerk…

It’s 2010’s “Macaca Moment,” in which the insane Tennessee monster Harold Ford Junior calls Kirsten Gillibrand a “parakeet,” an East Indian slur against white women and how they have vaginas. Kirsten Gillibrand “fired back on Twitter,” wanting alllll of New York to know that she will not suffer this puerile attack on women! Read more on Harold Ford Calls Kirsten Gillibrand A ‘Parakeet,’ That Jerk……
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The Political System Works, Assuming You’re Okay With Scum-Suckers!

According to True Democracy, it is good for politicians to remake their positions according to the political will of the body they’re representing. (Maybe! PoliSci 101 was just boring enough for us to drop the shit out of it and read poetry for four years instead. American Politics is easy enough to figure out by reading like two articles per week and not being fully retarded. And yet…) But according to common humanity, Harold Ford Junior is the embodiment of diarrhea. This morning: “I am pro-choice — have always been since I entered politics almost 15 years ago.” In 2006, when he was running as a pro-life candidate: “Let me say this. No, no. I was not pro-choice at one time.” HAROLD, FOR THE LAST (not really) TIME, YOU ARE NOT BARACK OBAMA. [Eschaton] Read more on The Political System Works, Assuming You’re Okay With Scum-Suckers!…
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Idiot Ben Nelson Introduces War Bonds Act, Because He Is Responsible

Good lord. Senator Ben “Wario” Nelson has introduced the “United States War Bonds Act of 2009″ this afternoon, “which would authorize the Treasury Department to begin selling bonds to fund the wars.” But this is superfluous, because we already have such bonds: they are called United States Treasury Bonds, which we use to finance any sort of deficit spending! For how many years, as a child, did Ben Nelson drink paint-thinner on a daily basis? Read more on Idiot Ben Nelson Introduces War Bonds Act, Because He Is Responsible…
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Ahh, Here We Go: Maybe That Murdered Guy In Kentucky Loved Raping Children, Writes Conservative Blogger

We didn’t really bother writing about the case of Bill Sparkman, the brutally murdered census worker in Kentucky who was found with “FED” carved into his chest, because the narrative was too boring and predictable: liberals would immediately type about how this murder was yet again the fault of Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly for the way they talk on television; conservatives would respond with something even more ludicrous, like “the killer was actually a liberal who loves public options” or “the guy was killed for being a child predator, a.k.a. a liberal, so it’s fine;” and Wonkette would finally chime in to make fun of the funniest conservative claim. Well here we are at part three! Let’s actualize it: Ha ha, conservative blogger Dan Riehl DOESN’T WANT TO MAKE ANY CONCLUSIONS, and doesn’t have any facts, but hey, maybe Bill Sparkman fucked kids constantly and this was just a retaliation? It could be true or it could be not true! Read more on Ahh, Here We Go: Maybe That Murdered Guy In Kentucky Loved Raping Children, Writes Conservative Blogger…
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JOHN EDWARDS WANTED HIS WIFE TO DIE CONSTANTLY: The New York Times obliterated John Edwards this weekend, with its report about how he’s preparing to FINALLY be like, “yeah that’s mah baby.” Most terrifying part: “In the [book] proposal, which The New York Times examined, [former aide Andrew] Young says that he assisted the affair by setting up private meetings between Mr. Edwards and Ms. Hunter. He wrote that Mr. Edwards once calmed an anxious Ms. Hunter by promising her that after his wife died, he would marry her in a rooftop ceremony in New York with an appearance by the Dave Matthews Band.” Ace job, bro! [NYT] Read more on …
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The Washington Football Team And Its Lawyers Are So Mean!

Sorry but this might be a “LOCALS ONLY” post and the rest of you are just going to have to deal with that, okay? Okay. PSST, HUMANS IN WASHINGTON: our local professional sports team, the Redskins, who play in Maryland, is the worst organization on Earth! Read more on The Washington Football Team And Its Lawyers Are So Mean!…
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L.A. TIMES TEEVEE LISTINGS COPY EDITOR TO BE ‘WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD’ EVERY NIGHT FOR THE NEXT YEAR: A correction from the print edition of today’s Los Angeles Times: “FOR THE RECORD: TV listings: The Prime-Time TV grid in Thursday’s Calendar section mistakenly listed MTV’s ‘Jackass’ show on the MSNBC cable schedule at 7 and 10 p.m. where instead MSNBC’s ‘Countdown With Keith Olbermann’ should have been listed.” THIS ES OUTRAGE! [LA Times] Read more on …
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Maryland Politician Proposes To Lady During ‘Mock Police Raid,’ Wastes Valuable Public Resources

United States Senator Ben Cardin of Maryland has a nephew in politics! You knew this. But did you know that said nephew, state delegate Jon Cardin, is a tacky dingbat who should probably resign after diverting scarce police resources from MURDER INVESTIGATIONS to his dumb boat for the purpose of scaring his girlfriend into marrying him? Read more on Maryland Politician Proposes To Lady During ‘Mock Police Raid,’ Wastes Valuable Public Resources…
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Give Barack Obama Money, Because Health Care Reform Hasn’t Been Passed Yet!

A number of understandably perplexed readers have forwarded us this weird, offensive e-mail from the notorious spammer “Mitch Stewart, BarackObama.com,” who wants us to donate money to the DNC — one dollar a day “until real health insurance reform is signed into law,” so as to “show the insurance companies and their allies in Congress that their delay tactics will only make our movement stronger.” Well that’s a great idea, pretend Obama organizing troupe at the DNC! But down here on Planet Earth, we’re going to tell you “no,” and also maybe to eat a bag of lightly salted poison rat dicks. Read more on Give Barack Obama Money, Because Health Care Reform Hasn’t Been Passed Yet!…
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Mean Senator Forces Treasury To Cancel Clown Parties

Well hats off to Senator Byron Dorgan, who read about the Treasury’s proposed “Humor In The Workplace” presentations for Bureau of the Public Debt employees, called the Department to complain, issued a few grandstanding words about Wasting Taxpayers’ Money, and got the events canceled. Good for you, asshole. Two 3-hour presentations from a fun clown at $15 an hour. You just saved the American taxpayers a whole $90, aimed at bringing some levity to what must be one of the government’s most soul-crushing office environments. You’re a hero, Byron Dorgan. And if money’s the problem, your Wonkette editors will gladly and patriotically lead these presentations for free. Intern Riley is good at drawing and stuff. [The Hill] Read more on Mean Senator Forces Treasury To Cancel Clown Parties…
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Lieberman, Graham Threaten To SHUT DOWN SENATE Over Dumb Amendment

Gay-for-each-other fecal demons Joe Lieberman and Lindsey Graham are being suuuuuuchhh baaaaabieeesss now that the few decent law-abiding and moral Democrats in the House have promised not to approve any spending bill that would send the sneaky Lieberman-Graham Amendment to the White House, which of course loves it. If you haven’t been following, the “Detainee Photographic Records Protection Act of 2009″ amendment allows the president to legally ignore any court-mandated Freedom of Information Act release of “any photograph that was taken between September 11, 2001 and January 22, 2009 relating to the treatment of individuals engaged, captured, or detained after September 11, 2001, by the Armed Forces of the United States in operations outside of the United States.” NO BUT REALLY. And now Lindsey Graham and Joe Lieberman are threatening to shut the Senate down until this comically fascistic fart-nugget of an amendment saves America. Read more on Lieberman, Graham Threaten To SHUT DOWN SENATE Over Dumb Amendment…
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MARK SANFORD REJECTED AGAIN: Skinny communist blog hipster Peter Orszag has rejected South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s request to use his stimulus money to pay down state debt, because of the lack of stimulus. This is the second time Orszag has had to tell this nut to go away, and now Mark Sanford will be the Republican nominee in 2012, assuming the country exists. [AP] Read more on …
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NOT BLUNT ENOUGH! Ha ha, Republican legislators aren’t even pretending to work on policy anymore — they are running around with megaphones just yelling about 2010, if this quote from Rep. Patrick McHenry is any indication, which it is: “We will lose on legislation. But we will win the message war every day, and every week, until November 2010… Our goal is to bring down approval numbers for [Speaker Nancy] Pelosi and for House Democrats. That will take repetition. This is a marathon, not a sprint.” Wow, this is simple enough that we won’t even need Politico to tell us what it means! (Although they will anyway, in a top five list.) It is interesting, though, that people like Patrick McHenry assume there will be a basic government or social order in 2010. [Greg Sargent] Read more on …
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Are There Really People Who Watch CNBC All Day?

Here’s one of the more unlikable people we’ve heard of for the first time today, CNBC’s Rick Santelli, at some trading floor in Chicago, going *apeshit* over Barack Obama’s $75 billion mortgage plan to keep “the losers” in their homes. Maybe Obama’s plan isn’t so great, who knows, but one thing is clear, and that’s that Rick Santelli hates poor people — and by poor people we mean the bottom 50-90% of per capita income earners. How else would you explain the fact that he and his trader friends are *just now* starting to worry about Moral Hazard? [Calculated Risk] Read more on Are There Really People Who Watch CNBC All Day?…
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More About That Indignant Martyr, Judd Gregg

While we haven’t yet turned on CNN to hear the Best Political Team On Earth tell us what we think about the politics of what we think about Sen. Judd Gregg’s decision to withdrawn his Commerce Secretary nomination, we think he’s coming off like an idiot. Other people who think Judd Gregg is coming off like an idiot include Robert Gibbs, and Judd Gregg. Read more on More About That Indignant Martyr, Judd Gregg…
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Mark Penn Poll: Mark Penn’s Ad Is Best Ad Of Politics

Politics magazine will release the results of their “2008 campaign poll of political insiders” this Thursday, but we already know the winner of one category: best ad of the presidential race. It is Hillary Clinton’s “3 a.m.” ad, the one about how Hillary Clinton was the only person who could answer a telephone at night without getting us all killed, or raped. Mark Penn was the “thrust” behind this successful ad, which you may have read about in any column Mark Penn has written since then. Hell, Mark Penn’s company even conducted this Politics poll, ha ha! No, seriously, that’s actually true. We can’t wait to see the winners of other categories, such as Best Thing Written (Microtrends), Worst Thorn In One’s Side (Harold Ickes/Patti Solis Doyle tie) and Best Floating Film Script In Hollywood (Microtrends Part I: Pages 1-74). [WP/The Fix] Read more on Mark Penn Poll: Mark Penn’s Ad Is Best Ad Of Politics…