Remember the guy who used to be president? Yeah, him! Well, it’s going to take a little more than showing a bit of polite restraint if he wants forgiveness for … well, pretty much everything between November of 2000 and now, this very moment. But we will acknowledge the ability of even a dumb & dangerous clown to redeem himself in his final moments, as we learned from that one time when what’s his name killed his father, Darth Vader, and then Darth Vader was really just a silly old bald-headed fat guy, and then he was nice for half a second before he died, so Jesus accepted him into Heaven. MORE »

Barack Obama has a new ad called “Dignity,” and it is all about what a candidate loses in the process of running for President. Ha ha, just kidding! But the part in the end where he strangles the old lady is pretty undignified. [YouTube]

Despite being the only party to repeatedly get actual Hollywood actors nominated and elected, Republicans like to whine about “Hollywood values.”

Somehow, criticizing the idiocy, divorces, obesity, dumb religions and drug addictions of the famous makes regular Americans feel better about being dumb divorced obese Jesus-freak OxyContin addicts who are also poor and ugly, so every GOP candidate for every possible office has to dedicate at least one commercial or mailer to the pursuit of “traditional family values” as seen only on Little House on the Prairie reruns.

Anyway, draft Fred Thompson! Learn about how he’s not a complete amoral scumbag like the declared Republican presidential candidates, after the jump.

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