Frothy shoutmonger Joe Wilson is a man of few words — as in, he only knows a few words in the entire English language. But he’s working on it! MORE »

MITT ROMNEY POST SOMEHOW EATS DICK CHENEY POST: So where did that little post about Dick Cheney endorsing Kay Bailey Hutchinson go? you are wondering. We don’t know! Some complicated technological problem (”Jim Newell being retarded”) made us write the Mitt Romney post where the Dick Cheney post once was. This must have something to do with “Mizz Wonkette.” Anyway, yeah, uhhh, Dick Cheney is endorsing Kay Bailey Hutchinson, it’s big news! [Austin American-Statesman]

Joe Biden, who… as… everyone… is… well aware…??… has been in Eastern Europe for a long time, continues to be amazing: “Mr. Biden shrugged off Mr. Cheney’s point that the old administration left behind a review of Afghanistan. ‘Who cares what —’ he said, and then stopped himself to find another way to put it. (’I can see the headline now,’ said the famously free-wheeling vice president. ‘I’m getting better, guys.’)” The electric dog collar must have gone off. It would have been VERY CONTROVERSIAL for Joe Biden to say, “Who cares what Dick Cheney thinks?” Very Agnewian and enemy-marginalizing, as this week’s news would have it. [NYT]

Robert Gibbs, being more Nixonian than the square of Richard Nixon: “What Vice President Cheney calls ‘dithering,’ President Obama calls his solemn responsibility to the men and women in uniform and the American public. I think we’ve all seen what happens when somebody doesn’t take that responsibility seriously.” SIR that is a former crypto-President of the United States of whom you speak! Is this really appropriate, to play hardball with a belligerent psychotic ogre — literally, the worst person you could imagine — just to preserve your precious “agenda”? Is this what the presidency means to Barack Obama? [YouTube]

So Dick Cheney told Obama to stop “dithering”! Haha, oh, right! Yes, he’ll get right on that… ceasing to dither. This is a hilarious and formidable old man insult used to express one’s displeasure with the lack of bombs and troops and guns and bombs and shit currently being sent to Afghanistan. “Having announced his Afghanistan strategy last March, President Obama now seems afraid to make a decision, and unable to provide his commander on the ground with the troops he needs to complete his mission,” said Cheney. It’s like: is Obama scared? Scared of WAR? Ha! Dick Cheney didn’t realize the President was a GIRL who needs to write in her diary 10 times a day before deploying more American soldiers to Afghanistan. [Los Angeles Times]

HYPOTHETICALLY, IF THERE WERE, IN FACT, DEATH PANELS, IN SOME CASES IT MIGHT MAKE SENSE TO THINK ABOUT USING THEM. On an unrelated note, Vice President of Hell Dick Cheney is headed to surgery today so that he might rid himself forever of his tragic back pain. It is somewhat of an experimental treatment, as this is an operation typically performed on human beings. [Washington Post]

ALL OF THIS IS FACTUAL TRUTH: “So thank fucking christ that the Commander in Chief is no longer subjecting the nation to death porn. No, this year it’s limited to a nutty little cult leader on basic cable who is encouraging his radicalized band of fanatical followers to invade the cities where the tragedy actually happened in order to shock the populace back into fear. Glenn Beck is an actual terrorist, and the people attending his rally in DC tomorrow are al-Qaeda in America.” [Alex Pareene]

That dreadful scandal-bastion known to some as “the University of Wyoming” is back in the news, because of mean old Dick Cheney: “CHEYENNE, Wyo. — A decision by the University of Wyoming to name a new center for international students for former Vice President Dick Cheney is drawing criticism from people who say Cheney’s support for the Iraq war and harsh interrogation techniques should disqualify him from the distinction.” HA! Dick Cheney, man. A $3.2 million donation from the Cheneys for this so-called “center,” designed to house the very people he despises: Foreigns. The four or five international students at UW should really consider ever walking into this fishy building… something seems a little “Bagram-y” about all of this. [AP via Indecision Forever]

The British are terribly, terribly cross with America’s former Vice President Dick Cheney. The meddlesome Cheney somehow found himself all mixed up in counter-terrorism investigations over there! It seems he almost totally botched the UK’s arrest of three British guys who were plotting to blow up seven airliners headed for North America. Specifically, Cheney tried to have them arrested before they even bought plane tickets on the planes they were going to bomb. Ha ha! It’s cute, how anxious he is. MORE »

Well look at this! The DNC has made the decision to go out of its way, now, to engage Dick Cheney and his cartoonish teevee babble about murder and blood and global sadness. Maybe now that the mighty DNC has spoken up, teevee anchors will be too scared to bring Dick Cheney on their shows to tell his lies! This is how things work, on television. [Greg Sargent]

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