Senator Max Baucus, the other vampire squid from Hell, runs the Senate finance committee when he isn’t sharing pâté made from the livers of dead cancer victims with all of his good friends in the health insurance industry. Some people simply do not care for this Max Baucus, with his lobbyist-whoring and foot-dragging and complete disregard for fellow Democrats when it comes to drafting acceptable health care reform legislation in his committee. So “these people” ( = his colleagues) have come up with a Plan to drive the ancient demon from his lair forever. MORE »

Obese, constipated hell monster Mark Penn has written a new edition of “Microtrends” — no not the book about how to lose a Democratic primary with a Clinton, but the Wall Street Journal column about pornography! IN WHICH HE WRITES: “Running counter to the pack is almost always the key to real success.” Complete pornography! FURTHERMORE: “Most of the microtrends being created by the financial crisis have been about resetting our tolerance for risk.” In other words there are three Microtrends right now: people taking on risk, people taking on no risk, and people just sitting around doing whatever. So granular! But which one gets to be prom queen hmm? MORE »

From yesterday’s Power Lunch of the Living (?) Presidents, here’s an official White House photograph of George H.W. Bush Sr. “41″ and George W. Bush Jr. “43″ protecting the elitist patriot Barack Obama from these two scary old white-headed Democrats. Notice which two dudes aren’t wearing flag pins. [White House]

What better way to celebrate your favorite President-elect than by taking a leering purple gnome-head and rubbing it joyously over your nethers? Buy sixteen million for your family and friends, for the holidays, and they will never ask you for a holiday gift again. [Etsy via Washington Post]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Now that the election is over and Barry Hussein Von Hopenstein has won, we can admit that as part of the vast media conspiracy, we were all thoroughly very deeply in the enormous tank. Also in the tank were all political cartoonists, except for a few, to whom we will not give equal time today, due to our in-the-tankness. But like all members of the media, the cartoonitariat is a fickle thing, and they are all beginning to show us the horror that awaits us under President Obama. Read on to find out how bad it will get … if you dare. MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
America! Your long national nightmare of presidential debates, which has been grinding on since before time began, is now over, if by “over” you mean “over until the first debate between Sarah Palin and Mitt Romney on who should be the Republican nominee for the presidential election of June 2009.” The question thus arises: What have we learned from the debates? Ha ha, obviously we’re Americans and have therefore learned nothing, basically. MORE »

A horrified America watched John McCain stagger up from his debate chair last night and turn into a monster. He almost caught our Barack Obama! What was happening? Clearly, the special anti-monster juice McCain drinks before public appearances was starting to wear off. They got him in the titanium-lined SWAT van just before he fully transformed. But fully transformed into what? MORE »

So once upon a time in a small town in Kenya, people kept having a lot of car accidents. A local pastor named Thomas Muthee of course blamed a “demonic influence” for this problem where people crashed their cars into each other, and some lady had to leave town before everybody killed her to death for being a witch. And then! The pastor visited Sarah Palin’s church in Alaska and asked God to make her governor. MORE »

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, the Indian street urchin who is also somehow a Mexican Catholic exorcist, is 36-years-old and supposedly “beloved” by his backward state, for being charismatic and Strong. He has been a governor for literally -2 hours. The state has chosen this moment to start hating him, for reneging on a campaign pledge in a comical fashion that marks the birth of a new, iconic American Failure. MORE »

Hillary has a new “Clinton” on the campaign trail who is incapable of making terrible racist remarks, because it is a dead “balloon doll” that cannot say anything at all. Bill Clinton has been locked in some lunatic’s basement in Austria until Hillary somehow manages to take the nomination from Jeremiah Wright. [AP Photo]

U.S. President George W. Bush has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for “fighting terrorism and promoting world peace,” according to a BBC News report. Bush has successfully promoted peace and democracy in many terrorist nations, including Iraq and Afghanistan, while making Americans safer and more prosperous at home. MORE »