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  death and taxes

Phil ‘Not Tiger Woods’ Mickelson May Quit Golf To Teach Obama, Moochers A Lesson

You know how, whenever the Powerball payout gets really big, someone wanders around your office collecting for a lottery pool? And you know how there is always one guy who takes that moment to explain that winning the lottery isn’t so great because taxes? By the time lottery winners take the smaller lump-sum payment and all the taxes are paid, he loudly explains, that $100 million payout is suddenly only worth like $25-$30 million. And if other people also picked the same numbers, then the prize is split. And then you have to split that with everyone else in the pool. Probably, if you win, you’ll only end up with a a million or two and who can even live on that? Turns out professional golfer Phil Mickelson is basically that guy. The mullety Garfunkel to Tiger Woods’ Simon is really mad the gub’mint is taxing his golf earnings at a slightly higher marginal rate, so he might quit playing a game that paid him $67 million last year. Read more on Phil ‘Not Tiger Woods’ Mickelson May Quit Golf To Teach Obama, Moochers A Lesson…
  death and taxes

Joe The Plumber Explains To Stupid Hippie Why Paying Taxes Is Cool (VIDEO)

Hey stupid Occupy hippie! Why don’t you love paying taxes, like “Joe” “the Plumber” does? Taxes are cool, they pay for parks and police! Also, it is your patriotic duty to pay your fair share and not, say, divert all your “bread” (that is “money” in hippie language) to your accounts in the Caymans! Or maybe it is only unemployed people that Mr. The Plumber thinks should pay awesome taxes, not job creators like Joe himself, who is busy creating jobs (his) by running for Congress, we guess. For a while there in Mr. The Plumber’s “Fun $5 Friday” video (which you can watch below!), we were worried he was going off conservative script by going on and on and on about how he LOVES TAXES THEY ARE THE COOLEST, but then we realized nah, he doesn’t REALLY love taxes, he just hates all those people who are too poor to pay them even more! Stupid freeloaders, with your signs and your demonstrating and your #Occupy movement. Don’t got a job, huh? Can’t “go to work,” and “feed your family”? Why don’t you just run for Congress and pay yourself $5,000 a month like Joe? Idiots. Read more on Joe The Plumber Explains To Stupid Hippie Why Paying Taxes Is Cool (VIDEO)…