Posts Tagged ‘daily briefing’

Duh: Most People Are Not Really Concerned Enough About Swine Flu To Actually Go Get A Flu Shot

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

Obama is demanding that the companies that received the most bailout money pay their highest-earning employees 10% of what they normally do. [New York Times]
Oh here’s something new: everyone is worried about getting sick but is too lazy and/or too terrified to actually get a flu shot. [Washington Post]
The weird Jett Travolta/Bahamas were not really so fun that one time/extortion case has been declared a mistrial. [CNN]
Terrorists fired mortars at an airport in Somalia in hopes of killing the country’s president as he boarded a plane. They killed 20 people, but none of them were the president. [AP]
Larry Summers has a good feeling about the the strength of the economy in general and the value of the dollar specifically. [Reuters]
AT&T is really pulling out all the stops trying to keep this net neutrality thing from happening. [The Hill]

Tags: at&t, celebrities in the news, executive pay cuts, jett travolta, larry summers, net neutrality, daily briefing, somalia, wall st.
Posted in Wonkette | 41 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Don’t Think These Two Random Guys Won’t Suggest Putting The Berlin Wall Back Up

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009

Two completely random European journalists are requesting credit for the fall of the Berlin Wall. See, they were the ones who asked tuff questions about it! No one had even THOUGHT about knocking it down—that is, before the quality of their journalism alluded to it. [WSJ]
Actual winner of Afghanistan’s election, Abdullah Abduallah, might team up with Hamid Karzai in some sort of coalition of convenience, thus rendering a run-off election unnecessary. [New York Times]
The latest iteration of the Democrats’ fantasy health care bill is $871 billion. Everyone will automatically love it because of how under Obama’s limit of $900 billion it is. [Washington Post]
Apple has signaled it’s time for you to get a new computer by designing a much, much cooler-looking laptop than than the one you currently have. [CNN]
Good—eh, well, relatively goodish—news for widow(er)s: Congress passed this new bill that eliminated the two-year marriage minimum of green card eligibility. [Los Angeles Times]
Obama demanded that Big Finance JUST DEAL WITH his proposed banking regulations. He said this at a $15,000-a-plate DNC fundraiser at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Manhattan. [The Hill]

Tags: abdullah abduallah, berlin wall, europeans, financial regulations, geographical irony, green cards, health care reform, Obama, daily briefing
Posted in Wonkette | 33 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Actual Pigs Are Getting Swine Flu. What’s Next, Like, The Actual Swine Flu Virus Getting Swine Flu?

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

After being prodded by basically everyone on Earth, soon-to-be-former President of Afghanistan Hamid Karzai is ready to admit that he did not actually win the re-election. [New York Times]
A new poll says that most people think the public option would be a good thing, actually. [Washington Post]
Swine flu has spread to this one actual swine in Minnesota. It’s hard to feel bad given how appropriate this seems! [WSJ]
A US scientist was arrested for trying to sell important secrets to someone he thought was an Israeli intelligence guy, but was actually just an American intelligence guy about to arrest him. [CNN]
Iran is two seconds away from doing something it might possibly regret to Pakistan—possibly bombing it, or possibly explicitly threatening it with bombs. [AP]
Apple, Inc. shares are the highest they’ve ever been. There are still no available Genius Bar appointments. [Reuters]

Tags: afghanistan, apple, hamid karzai, iran, pakistan, daily briefing, public option, swine flu
Posted in Wonkette | 38 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Deflating The Last Of The Air Pockets Of Humanity In The Awful Balloon People

Monday, October 19th, 2009

Big Oil and Big Natural Gas are fighting, like they always do! It’s about energy policy, like it always is! [New York Times]
David Axelrod and all his friends are preemptively very offended—on behalf of America—by Wall St.’s big bonuses. [Washington Post]
Pakistan soldiers cornered a bunch of Taliban people in South Waziristan, which is a place they really wanted to be for whatever reason. [WSJ]
A suicide bomber interrupted a meeting between Shiite and Sunni tribesman in Iraq by blowing it up and killing six military commanders. [Los Angeles Times]
The sheriff who has jurisdiction in Evil Balloon County, Colorado, confirmed the hoax and will now be doing everyone on Earth a favor by pressing charges against the hellish Balloon Parents. [CNN]
Three people died of non-Detroit-related reasons while running the Detroit Marathon. [Detroit Free Press]

Tags: balloon boy, energy policy, iraq, pakistan, daily briefing, suicide bombers, taliban, wall st bonuses
Posted in Wonkette | 41 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Balloon Boy: A Case Of Highly Orchestrated Whimsy?

Friday, October 16th, 2009

Bank of America lost $1 billion—and your Wonkette editor’s debit card!!—in the third quarter. [New York Times]
Do not read this, keep thy heart pure: Boy in the Balloon? Likely a publicity stunt. [New York Times]
A weak dollar is good news for things that are made here and exported elsewhere. This is an important news article from a city’s major newspaper. [Los Angeles Times]
The FDA would prefer that everyone not buy the powerful Swine Flu Antidote on the Internet for all the regular reasons buying drugs on the Internet, without telling your doctor, might be unwise. [CNN]
A 6.1 magnitude earthquake hit Jakarta this morning and you know quite frankly everyone there is a bit sick of the earthquakes at this point. [CNN]
UN Human Rights Council endorsed a report in which both Hamas and Israel were accused of war crimes in Gaza. [Guardian]

Tags: balloon boy, fda, gaza, israel, jakarta, daily briefing, swine flu, war crimes, weak dollar
Posted in Wonkette | 64 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Ugh, Weird: Germans Are Building A New Berlin Wall Out Of Styrofoam And Then Knocking It Down

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

Obama, to prove he does not hate New Orleans and has zero plans to willfully destroy it—as per the tradition of his predecessor—will visit this afternoon. [Los Angeles Times]
Over 30 people were killed in a series of coordinated terrorist goings-on in Islamabad. [New York Times]
The Arctic’s ice will be completely gone in 20 years. Add “carbon emissions” to “rock salt” on the national What Melts Snow list. [Times Online]
Obama wants to give $250 to every senior and disabled person this winter, since there will not be the traditional increase on Social Security benefit checks. [Washington Post]
Probationary Kennedy Maria Shriver has apologized for talking on her cell phone while driving, for such is illegal in California. This is like literally the third time this has happened. [CNN]
Uhh… the Germans are constructing a new Berlin Wall, out of Styrofoam… because they want to knock it down again. Ha ha. It seems this is how most things start, in Germany. [WSJ]

Tags: arctic, berlin wall, california, germany, global warming, maria shriver, new orleans, Obama, pakistan, daily briefing, terrorism
Posted in Wonkette | 35 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

There’s… Literally An Opportunity To Capitalize On Your Oregon Trail Faceobok Group Membership

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

JPMorgan Chase reported $3.6 billion profits for the third quarter. This is one of those folkloric “good economic news” stories! [New York Times]
Now that Obama (& Olympia Snowe!) have defeated Chuck Grassley, Baucus, etc., he must now combat Big Health Insurance Lobby. [Washington Post]
There’s a second gold rush, except it’s a rare minerals rush, happening right now in California’s Mojave Desert. Go west, young man. [Los Angeles Times]
Hillary Clinton yelled at America and Russia for running around like this is still the Cold War. It’s not, apparently, was her point. [CNN]
Exciting job opening! Lots of potential for growth: Rep. Robert Wexler of Florida has quit and taken a job at Center for Middle East Peace and Economic Cooperation.
McChrystal is worried that all corruption in Afghanistan might basically cancel out the work that new troops could (will) be doing over there. [AP]

Tags: afghanistan, good economic news, hillary clinton, job openings, jp morgan chase, jpmorgan chase, daily briefing, robert wexler, russia
Posted in Wonkette | 28 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Switzerland Is Feeling Just “Ehh” About Its Neutrality Lately, You Know?

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

In March, Obama will be sending 13,000 more mostly non-combat troops—in addition to the original plan of 21,000 combat troops—to Afghanistan. This is the stuff of surges, people! [Washington Post]
Big changes afoot at your local mall, as Disney will be looking to revamp its store there, I Thought That Closed. [New York Times]
Russia admitted that while yes, diplomacy is important, not having sanctions with Iran is perhaps even more important, and therefore more diplomatic? In a way? Like dialectically maybe? [AP]
Do not miss the crucial deadline of this Thursday if you have yet to tell the government about your illicit off-shore banking goings-on! [Los Angeles Times]
Switzerland is rethinking its whole neutrality schtick. You see, being so relied on is so boring. [WSJ]

Tags: afghanistan, disney, iran, obama afghanistan policy, daily briefing, russia, sanctions against iran, switzerland
Posted in Wonkette | 12 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

How Excited Are You About Economics, The Nobel Dénouement?

Monday, October 12th, 2009

One of the winners of the Nobel Prize for Economics is some American gal, Elinor Ostrom, who is the first lady economist ever to win. Something about communities and resources, anyway it was uncontroversial! [CNN]
So our government is still working out the kinks in its system of telling when foreign people who visit here actually leave. [New York Times]
Bombings, bombings, bombings all weekend in Pakistan, all thanks to the Taliban. [WSJ]
There is a new song on the Internet from the dead, apparently self-referential pop star Michael Jackson called “This Is It.” [LA Times]
A gang of British Greenpeace people had a sleepover party on the roof of the Palace of Westminster to let everyone know how much they despise climate change, and also politics. [Guardian]
China is so excited to be able to sell Hummers soonish! There are some minor “regulatory emissions things” to figure out, but other than that, just pure excitement. [Reuters]

Tags: china, environmentalism, greenpeace, michael jackson, nobel prize, nobel prize economics, pakistan, pollution, daily briefing, the taliban
Posted in Wonkette | 47 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Your 2009 Nobel Peace Prize Winner Is American President Barack Obama!

Friday, October 9th, 2009

WELL, WELL: Barack Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize! For nuclear things! Anyway this is better than at least 3/5 of the summer Olympic events. [New York Times]
The moon, well, most of it, managed to prolong its existence overnight despite NASA’s best efforts. [New York Times]
160-ish people were killed in mudslides in the Philippines. The last time things were this flood-y there was 40 years ago. [AP]
A car bomb in Pakistan killed 42 people and injured 60 more. No one officially took credit but people are generally thinking “Taliban.” [Times Online]
Olympia Snowe arguably still matters. This seems tenuous! Anyway, the LA Times has interviewed every known resident of Maine to prove it. [LA Times]
Gen. McChrystal and the military people would like 40,000 troops sent to Afghanistan. [WSJ]

Tags: 2009 obama peace prize, afghanistan, nobel peace prize, Obama, olympia snowe, pakistan, philippines, daily briefing, war and peace, way 2 go barry!
Posted in Wonkette | 119 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Pakistan Would Only Like The $8 Billion If There Are No Strings Attached (There Are Strings Attached)

Thursday, October 8th, 2009

Herta Muller, the famed rather depressing Teutonic authoress, has won the Nobel Prize in Literature. [New York Times]
Hooray, the Senate Finance Committee has approved the most recent health care bill, which means it could be sent to the Senate floor by the end of the month! [New York Times]
Pakistan would rather the U.S. not interfere in its new civilian government actually, even if this would mean the U.S. would send along literally $8 billion in aid. [Washington Post]
End-timesily, there have been four earthquakes in the past 11 hours in the South Pacific today. [CNN]
Fall shopping was not such a hit this year it turns out, and it’s looking like most stores will be reporting declines. [AP]
“Royal Mail” employees in England are THISCLOSE to striking after losing a contract with Amazon. Amazon loses things all the time though! [Guardian]

Tags: economic news, health care, health care bill, herta muller, pakistan, daily briefing, senate finance committee, south pacific
Posted in Wonkette | 34 Comments »