Tag Archives: pt daily briefing

  daily briefing

In Just A Few Hours, Scott Brown Will Be Crowned America’s Most Beloved Kennedy

Let’s all play this game in which we try to guess Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein’s bonus. Won’t be depressing at all. [New York Times] Toyota recalled many Priuses (Prii?) because of brake problems. Although, if a car crashes and ceases to exist, can you even imagine how that will like erase its carbon footprint? [Washington Post] Read more on In Just A Few Hours, Scott Brown Will Be Crowned America’s Most Beloved Kennedy…
  daily briefing

Thank You, NYT, For Taking ‘The Revolution Will Be Televised’ Lede Away From The Rest Of The Internet

The Tea Party Convention thing in Nashville will be broadcast on teevee, for a reason that apparently exists. [New York Times] Abstinence-only education works after all, which means the government will probably deploy a slightly re-worked “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (Anything)” policy in our nation’s middle schools. [Washington Post] Read more on Thank You, NYT, For Taking ‘The Revolution Will Be Televised’ Lede Away From The Rest Of The Internet…
  daily briefing

Obama Makes Arrangements For Less Death, More Money

In his State of the Union Wednesday, Obama will announce a spending freeze for many of America’s domestic programs. As these programs do not include Lost, no one will care. [New York Times] Read more on Obama Makes Arrangements For Less Death, More Money…
  daily briefing

Conan O’Brien Gets Ted Kennedy’s Old Senate Seat Too!

Everyone’s threatening Facebook statuses worked!! NBC will pay Conan O’Brien $33 million dollars, and he can go back home to the television in eight months. [Los Angeles Times] Obama has decided that our country’s commercial banks can’t be as big as they want or trade for their own accounts, which is a thing that’s problematic, because of economics. [New York Times] Read more on Conan O’Brien Gets Ted Kennedy’s Old Senate Seat Too!…
  daily briefing

I’ve Been Crushed By the Tumbling Tide (TIME!)

Barack Obama went to Taxachusetts to ask the voters to remember that they’re mostly liberal people, so maybe they might want to show up and vote. But maybe they don’t care anyway because MITT ROMNEY gave them socialist health insurance already. [VOA] Read more on I’ve Been Crushed By the Tumbling Tide (TIME!)…
  daily briefing

Everyone Do Some Celebratory ‘Stoner Culture Thing’ In Honor Of New Jersey!

Medical marijuana is now legal in the nearby state of New Jersey! This is a thing MTV orchestrated, for its popular Jersey Shore documentary series. [New York Times] Miep Gies, the very nice Dutch lady who hid Anne Frank and her family from the cast of Jersey Shore, has died at 100. [Washington Post] Read more on Everyone Do Some Celebratory ‘Stoner Culture Thing’ In Honor Of New Jersey!…
  daily briefing

Imagine Reading This Daily Briefing While Driving To Work, On Public Roads!

A good place for the Internet to go is the dashboard of moving cars. This is just science! [New York Times] Failed Nigerian Terrorist was formally charged with failing to blow up an airplane—or “attempted murder,” in legalese. [Wall Street Journal] Read more on Imagine Reading This Daily Briefing While Driving To Work, On Public Roads!…
  daily briefing

Bis ans Ende der Welt

Nobody blew up Times Square with their underwear so w00t!1! [New York Times] U.S. stock markets dropped by a percent or so in the last minutes of trading on the last trading day of the year, because We Are All Screwed. [Marketwatch] Read more on Bis ans Ende der Welt…
  daily briefing

Making Sure A Plane Bomber Will Never Not Actually Bomb A Plane Again

The Department of Homeland Security will begin smuggling more plainclothes air marshals on planes, most likely by just putting them in a regular Advil bottle. [New York Times] Regarding the aspirational terror act, Obama, from Hawaii, has finally issued important threats about Investigating Things.  [POLITICO] Read more on Making Sure A Plane Bomber Will Never Not Actually Bomb A Plane Again…
  daily briefing

And May All Your Christmases Be White Trash

Levi Johnston’s OxyContin-dealing mom is back home and under house arrest. It’s a Festivus Miracle! [Anchorage Daily News] Some disabled guy called “Gator” pushed an empty wheelchair into a post office in some Virginia hillbilly town, shot a gun at nothing, and held a couple people hostage for nine hours. He asked for pizza, then gave up. And so would’ve Dickens, if this was the material he had to work with …. [CNN/WDBJ] Read more on And May All Your Christmases Be White Trash…
  daily briefing

The Twitter Industry, Comprised Solely Of Website Twitter.com, Saves American Economy Forever

America’s economy has expanded for the first time in four quarters, presumably by exchanging the four quarters in for a dollar. [AP] An online anthology of song lyrics that do not quite merit away message status—”Twitter”—is America’s only successful business. [Reuters] Read more on The Twitter Industry, Comprised Solely Of Website Twitter.com, Saves American Economy Forever…
  daily briefing

China Holds Up Climate Change Negotiations; Earth Literally Burns

Afghan President Hamid Karzai is furious on the outside, feelings-hurt on the inside that the US and the UN considered just cold replacing him with someone else during the fraudulent election of his own design a few months back. [New York Times] Read more on China Holds Up Climate Change Negotiations; Earth Literally Burns…