Depending on your sources & your level of paranoia, either a couple of racist dingbats were arrested around Denver’s trashier motels Monday, or an elaborate plot to assassinate Barack Obama was busted up by clever Colorado cops. In any case, a trio of local losers are now in jail (again), and at least one of them mumbled something about wanting to murder our new president. MORE »

You’ve heard about the Montauk Monster and the terrible secret government laboratory on Plum Island, but what will our Leaders do to stop the reign of biological terror from the Department of Homeland Security’s Monster Island? Even Hillary Clinton is frightened! MORE »

When a terrible monster was found washed up on the beach near Montauk, New York, on July 12, the local newspaper speculated that the mutant beast escaped from Plum Island Animal Disease Center, the top secret government lab known as “Monster Island.” Wonkette has since learned that the Biosafety Level 3 (or Level 4) facility was taken over by the Department of Homeland Security in 2003, has had numerous biohazard accidents in recent years, was investigated by the House last year, is no longer patrolled by Federal Protective Services police, and has been the subject of environmental sabotage by government contractors. Worse, the Bush Administration is currently trying to shut down the island laboratory and replace it with a monster lab on the U.S. mainland, where the deadly diseases could easily spread to livestock and people. MORE »

A bunch of congressmen from Texas were flying to D.C. so they could vote on some Texas thing, and then OMG the Continental jet had a slight loss of cabin pressure so it made an unscheduled landing in New Orleans, and the the congressmen got on another plane to Washington. In other words, NEW WORLD ORDER ALMOST KILT DR. RON PAUL! MORE »

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As Hillary Clinton has been reminding us during the long 2008 primary season, Robert Kennedy was assassinated in June. Historians say RFK was specifically shot, multiple times, 40 years ago today, in the tranquil year of 1968, at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles after winning the California primary. MORE »

Oh, you people. We did a nice post about the Bilderberg Group having its big annual elitist meeting in the D.C. Metro Area, starting today, and what do we get for it? A lot of angry paultard-esque emails calling us dumb and elite and not elite and not intellectual and, probably, sheeple. Let’s review the evidence and enjoy the Email of the Day, after the jump. MORE »

MICKEY KANTOR TOTALLY CALLED INDIANA PEOPLE “SHIT”: So maybe the “white niggers” part of that Mickey Kantor video was altered, but were Indiana’s people the referent of his “shit” usage? Check out this review of The War Room from 1993: “Whether Carville and company are play-acting somewhat for the cameras becomes less important as the film progresses. One can only keep up an act for so long — especially in the throes of a campaign. Carville’s tearful farewell speech to his staff as they close up just before the election, Stephanopoulos’s frank talk with a potential blackmailer and a Mickey Kantor comment about the people of Indiana (when it looks as though Clinton’s ahead in Dan Quayle’s state) attest to this.” Mickey Kantor called Indiana people “shit,” so Hillary Clinton probably agreed or something. [Washington Post]

That instantly infamous video clip — it’s from The War Room, which is a funny documentary about the ‘92 campaign — does NOT feature Clinton bigwig Mickey Canton calling the nice people of Indiana “white niggers,” Kantor tells the Huffington Post. Kantor says he would never use that word, the N-bomb, and that this is a “conspiracy” and “libel” and he is going to make YouTube stop this right away. Kantor does not dispute the other part, where he says, “Look at Indiana — wait, wait, look at Indiana. 42-40. It doesn’t matter if we win, those people are shit.” [Huffington Post]

As America mourns the suspicious death of “D.C. Madam” Deborah Jeane Palfrey and gives up hope that anyone or anything can bring down Dick Cheney (or even David Vitter), let’s look back in anger at other recent suspicious suicides involving Our Federal Government. Did you know one of Palfrey’s escort-service contractor ladies also supposedly hanged herself? And what about all these FBI targets and mysterious CIA agents meeting weird, tragic ends? WTF, people, WTF? MORE »

A long time ago in the 1990s there was this teevee program called The X-Files — a creepy mix of Nixon-era political conspiracy, the occult, fake terror attacks, FEMA killing everybody, and Space Demons. It seemed completely fantastic until 2001, when Dick Cheney and George W. Bush began their reign of horror. And finally, after years of silence, the creators of the X-Files are talking about how this administration stole all their ideas, even 9/11! MORE »

Here’s a collection of words and names that will automatically creep you out: Dallas, Secret Service, big crowds, guns, Barack Obama. At a Wednesday rally in Dallas, unnamed “federal officials” stopped the weapons screening for thousands of random people who turned out for Barack Obama’s rally at Reunion Arena. Why? Well, there was kind of a long line, and the 17,000 strangers seemed like a “friendly crowd.” MORE »

Happy Dead Presidents Day, everybody! Our most beloved non-Reagan dead president, John F. “Jack” Kennedy, was killed by Lyndon Johnson’s Anti-Castro Cuban CIA Mafia Military-Industrial FBI Complex way back in 1963. We still don’t know exactly what happened, because “the government” won’t release the files for another forty or fifty years (or never), but the Dallas Morning News says a weird old transcript proves or doesn’t prove how “lone gunman” Lee Harvey Oswald and mafia-nightclub tough Jack Ruby discussed killing JFK so, uh, the Chicago mob wouldn’t be bothered by Kennedy’s little brother, Bobby Kennedy, who was attorney general back when the attorney general was expected to do anti-crime things rather than just torture innocent foreigners forever, in Cuba. MORE »