Bland Maryland nobody Michael Steele could’ve gone the rest of his life bothering absolutely nobody at all — personally, he is about as offensive as a kitten. But fate and history combined to elevate him from “former lieutenant governor of some Eastern Seaboard state and perennial campaign loser” to leader of the Republican Party! All because those mean Democrats got a black man elected president and left the GOP scrambling to find anybody “of color.” MORE »

Polls are closed! And according to other polls done all day today, the winner of South Carolina’s charming, old-fashioned Confederate Primary Election is … either McCain or Huckabee. This changes everything! And nobody will really accept the results with happiness (except the “winner”) because of all the broken voting machines, and the lack of those ballots some people like to use.