By COOZLEDAD, regarding the TIME Magazine horror plate: “Is that a barely discernible lipstick print on Clinton’s cheek? And that goofy ‘happier than a pig in shit’ grin? This has got to be some kind of hypnotic trigger for a wave of assassinations, or Cialis has mounted a huge subliminal campaign.” [Wonkette Comments]

Courtesy of CHICAGO BUREAU, in response to this: “GO CRY EMO BALD EAGLE.” [Wonkette Comments]

LIONEL HUTZ: “As a heads up to everyone: The next time you are attacked by an enraged black bear, drop to your knees and offer it $20 to suck its cock. This will keep you from becoming a statistic.” [Wonkette Comments]