Wonkette

Poor Mark Foley. In olden times (two years ago), he was just another affable barely-closeted gay Republican, well liked by his colleagues and constituents. Then he got caught exchanging sexy instant messages with 17-year-old male pages who were pretty clearly like, “Whatever, you old creep,” and suddenly everybody thought he was terrible. Now Foley’s breed of harmless homosexual Republican has been hunted almost into extinction, even as exorcism fetishists, alien warlords, and angry old crooks flourish within the party ranks. Let’s see what the fragile, endangered Cocktobrus floridianus has to say for himself. MORE »

Republican hero and proud father of Cocktober Mark Foley hangs out in Beverly Hills, apparently, and chatted with a TV producer and a talent manager who thought he looked familiar. Maybe because he was on CSI or something? He said “Yes I am that guy who had to resign from Congress because I sent some sexy emails to a page when I was drunk, blah blah blah.” Then he said he supported Barack Obama for president, thereby ensuring a glorious 72-year McCain/Palin reign of terror. [Wilshire & Washington]

O fair Cocktober, ye slayer of perverts and porn-filth fans, ye scourge of bathroom goblins and peen-flashers! Today’s Cocktober Update features a judge in Florida who was accused of showing off his man-parts in a Starbucks bathroom on the campus of the University of Miami. MORE »

Democratic Rep. Tim Mahoney, the freshman Congressman who took over gay pedophile Mark Foley’s Florida seat in 2006, has confessed that he boned that person Pat, and that he boned another Florida trailer trash county administrator, and that he has boned “multiple” other non-wife gals since forever. When asked HOW MANY EXACTLY, his frightening response was, “You’re asking me over a lifetime?” Yeah, c’mon people, he’s not a freaking abacus, he’s not a math numbers… scientist… expert… guy. The hell kind of a question is that? [AP]

Jesus, what are they putting in the water up there? Today’s tale of New York politicos embroiled in grody sex scandals brings you Robert Groezinger, a lawyer and aide to a New York state senator, who is accused of downloading a bunch of child pornography to his home computer. Authorities say Groezinger corresponded with someone in California, the international capital of perverts, in order to get over 40 images of whatever, it is gross, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE. MORE »

Yesterday all we knew about this fellow Chris Ortloff was that he had been arrested in a hotel room with some manner of sex devices on his person and an alleged intention to do dirty things to a minor or minors. Now we learn the nature of the devices (garden variety, alas) and the intended victims (fake 11- and 12-year-old sisters). MORE »

Three cheers, for Cocktober is in full swing! Some tragic former upstate New York assemblyman and current parole board member was busted for allegedly arranging a date with what he thought would be an underage person but turned out to be the State Police. Hmm! Our fake fantasy victim has no gender here in this write-up. MORE »

THIRTEEN DAYS, people, THIRTEEN DAYS it took this year to hear about some sweet Cocktober 2008 action. People just aren’t having as much inappropriate scandal sex this year, who knows why, maybe because of the Surge. But. The man on the left is Democratic Congressman Tim Mahoney of Florida, famous for ousting perhaps the greatest Cocktoberist of all, gay child-fucker Mark Foley, in 2006. Mahoney defeated Mark Foley with a brilliant platform of being a living human who was not Mark Foley. But now Mahoney will lose that seat back to the Republicans, because he’s been fucking that “thing” on the right and paying it hush-up money. MORE »