pt cocktober

This “Michael Grimm” fellow, remember him? Of course you don’t, it is not like he is Ted Yoho or Louie Gohmert, he is just some asshole from New York who apparently was being investigated by the FBI once (we reminded ourselves while doing a quick archive check and found this greatest ever correction, by us, […]

Oh look, a poorly produced video about some guy named “Jim,” a.k.a “our bitch who got us drunk.” (No, not Jim Newell, although we will make him our bitch and let him get us drunk if he asks nicely.) This video is about Jim Henderson, formerly a senior attorney at the American Center for Law […]

Well yikes, etc.! Pictured above is Detroit internal affairs (heh?) officer Angelica Robinson, who tweeted this angsty self-portrait after finding out that her lover, Detroit Police Chief Ralph Godbee, was sexin’ on someone else. Robinson, as you might have guessed, has had her service weapon removed from her possession, WHICH SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA. […]

‘Sup Boynton Beach city commissioner Marlene Ross? Oh, you are totally sure an “evil,” “sinister” fellow commissioner has been threatening to extort you over the sexts you sent to your first cousin/lover? And much of the story is given to you breathlessly narrating in bodice-ripping Shades of Gray dialogue how you tried to hold off […]

Meet Roland Corning! Roland Corning, a 65-year-old married man, likes two things: 1. being an assistant district attorney in South Carolina and 2. filling his Ford Explorer with sex medicine and sex toys and 18-year-old prostitutes (for sex) and taking all these things to the local cemetery on Monday afternoons (for sex). This is illegal, […]

Apparently this wasn’t much of a news story when France’s Culture Minister Frederic Mitterrand actually wrote it in 2005, but now that he has supported Roman Polanski, everyone is pointing out the part of his memoir where he admits to loving little boy prostitute cock, in Thailand — the very same crime that Roman Polanski […]

COCKTOBER  1:18 pm October 8, 2009

by Jim Newell

JESUS CHRIST, THIS WAS OLD NEWS: YES FINE OKAY TIPSTERS, Levi Johnston is going to be nakey in Playgirl, according to the new story that is the exact same thing as the story from several weeks ago. See? Lauri Apple even did an illustration back then and everything! But anyway, Levi is working out six […]

As bait goes, this one’s too easy, and we think that celebrated marijuana pundit Andrew Sullivan knows that, but nevertheless: “I recall one marathon twelve-hour session of passion many years ago now. It was only afterwards that I realized I had barely had a single trace of an analytic thought for the longest period I […]

COCKTOBER  10:11 am November 12, 2008

Mark Foley Breaks 2-Year Silence

by Sara K. Smith

Poor Mark Foley. In olden times (two years ago), he was just another affable barely-closeted gay Republican, well liked by his colleagues and constituents. Then he got caught exchanging sexy instant messages with 17-year-old male pages who were pretty clearly like, “Whatever, you old creep,” and suddenly everybody thought he was terrible. Now Foley’s breed […]

COCKTOBER  10:36 am October 21, 2008

Mark Foley Reappears!

by Sara K. Smith

Republican hero and proud father of Cocktober Mark Foley hangs out in Beverly Hills, apparently, and chatted with a TV producer and a talent manager who thought he looked familiar. Maybe because he was on CSI or something? He said “Yes I am that guy who had to resign from Congress because I sent some […]

O fair Cocktober, ye slayer of perverts and porn-filth fans, ye scourge of bathroom goblins and peen-flashers! Today’s Cocktober Update features a judge in Florida who was accused of showing off his man-parts in a Starbucks bathroom on the campus of the University of Miami.

Democratic Rep. Tim Mahoney, the freshman Congressman who took over gay pedophile Mark Foley’s Florida seat in 2006, has confessed that he boned that person Pat, and that he boned another Florida trailer trash county administrator, and that he has boned “multiple” other non-wife gals since forever. When asked HOW MANY EXACTLY, his frightening response […]

COCKTOBER  11:28 am October 17, 2008

Albany Awash In Sick Porn Filth

by Sara K. Smith

Jesus, what are they putting in the water up there? Today’s tale of New York politicos embroiled in grody sex scandals brings you Robert Groezinger, a lawyer and aide to a New York state senator, who is accused of downloading a bunch of child pornography to his home computer. Authorities say Groezinger corresponded with someone […]

Yesterday all we knew about this fellow Chris Ortloff was that he had been arrested in a hotel room with some manner of sex devices on his person and an alleged intention to do dirty things to a minor or minors. Now we learn the nature of the devices (garden variety, alas) and the intended […]

Three cheers, for Cocktober is in full swing! Some tragic former upstate New York assemblyman and current parole board member was busted for allegedly arranging a date with what he thought would be an underage person but turned out to be the State Police. Hmm! Our fake fantasy victim has no gender here in this […]