Tag Archives: pt booze newz

  booze newz

Here Is Your Obviously Necessary New Hampshire Wonkette Drinking Game!

NO we have not yet entered the 2012 general election phase of America’s ongoing destruction, but YES, it is time for a Wonkette drinking game, because how else was anyone planning to survive the hailstorm of dildos raining Apocalypse and Gloom on our nation from the New Hampshire GOP primary tonight? Yeah, WE THOUGHT SO. Let’s recap: Mitt Romney is going to win, but if he wins by less than a 250-million-point margin, then he has Lost, forever, because then the entire universe (Twitter) would be required to shut up about who will win the Republican nomination (hint: he won’t win by enough for this to happen). Ron Paul might win second place because no one has been paying attention to his batshit platform of dismantling the federal government and HOORAY MAREE-JUWANNA LEGALIZATION, and Jon Huntsman will come in third or possibly second because whatever, “Hunts-mentum” was a fun distraction for a couple seconds. Everyone else amounts to the collection of empty acid rainwater-soaked Skoal canisters piled outside your Uncle Bruce’s trailer. Let the drinking begin! Read more on Here Is Your Obviously Necessary New Hampshire Wonkette Drinking Game!…
  booze newz

Michigan Bars Take Away Lawmakers’ Booze to Protest New Law

Remember that one time when the Minnesota government shutdown was ended by the threat of a statewide booze cutoff? That worked pretty well! You can take away everyone’s health care, unions, jobs, retirement, education, public roads, hope and the fillings in their teeth, BUT YOU CANNOT HAVE THE BOOZE. Michigan’s bar owners are pretty much hoping for a repeat victory with a slightly smaller target demographic: Michigan lawmakers. Bar owners are angry over a new indoor smoking ban that they say has dramatically cut business (true story: Budweiser tastes like stale refrigerator coolant fermented in a gas station toilet even with a cigarette, so…RLY, Michigan bar patrons?). In response, a group of 500 bar owners haS decided to impose their own ban and refuse to allow lawmakers into their establishments. Haha, we like where this is going! Read more on Michigan Bars Take Away Lawmakers’ Booze to Protest New Law…