Wacky whore & fraud Rod Blagojevich, who was indicted on 16 counts of epic corruption in Chicago yesterday, is currently on vacation at the Florida amusement park Walt Disney World. Oh, and he is with his family. Some local teevee reporter lady got wind of this yesterday and went to his hotel pool area to harass him, ha. In the end we are introduced to a new and very comical figure, this very touchy fat slob who may or may not be Blagojevich’s bodyguard. [YouTube]

There is only one way we’re buying Rod Blagojevich’s sure-to-be-shitty “inside story” about how he’s an “incompetent crook” and “washed-up circus clown” — and that’s if Chicago’s Lauri Apple actually provides the cover art. And the “book” is not actually written by Rod Blagojevich, and is also not about him at all. The back cover needs to be the famous “I CAN PARACHUTE ME THERE” illustration, the end. [Chicagoist/TrendPiece]

Forgotten hairball Rod Blagojevich thought he could finally cash in big with Barack Obama’s Senate seat, but that didn’t work out too well. Then Rod went on every talk show and cable-news program to jabber hysterical bullshit, and that really didn’t lead to riches, either. Now, at the end of both his political career and his brief stint as America’s Diversionary Joke, Blago has signed a very modest “six figure” deal to write an idiotic book. (”Six figure,” in this case, almost certainly means exactly $100,000 — a lot of money, to most people, but a lot less than the $155,600 he used to make as governor of Illinois.) [AP/WBBM]

Here’s a preview of former Illinois Gov. “Rod” Blagojevich on tonight’s episode of the David Letterman show. This may have been a step too far for Blago — in case you forgot, he has a real trial coming up, for “criminal” charges — because Letterman at 89 years old is still rather deft at asking certain folks, in the most awkward of ways, why they would appear on his show with 2-ton bindles of bullshit slung over their shoulders. [YouTube]

Attorney Edward Genson has abruptly quit his role leading the Gov. Blago defense team two days before the idiot’s impeachment trial begins in the Illinois Senate. Instead of listing the standard “personal reasons” or a professional conflict of interest, Genson cites that JESUS CHRIST HOW DO YOU WORK WITH THIS IDIOT: “I never require a client to do what I say, but I do require them to at least listen.” MORE »

How AP writer Michael Tarm resisted the urge to end this headline in ” — no, but seriously, we’re not even joking,” we’ll never know. [AP]

Rod Blagojevich for the win! The comedy continues, as smirking creep Dick Cheney swears in megalomaniacal Death Monument-builder Roland Burris. This marks the end of racism and the Triumph of the Black Spirit. [AP]

RACISTS IMPEACH BLAGO: “SPRINGFIELD—In a historic vote, the Illinois House has impeached Gov. Rod Blagojevich, directing the Senate to put the state’s 40th chief executive on trial with the goal of removing him from office. The vote by the House was 114-1 and marks the first time in the state’s 190-year history that a governor has been impeached…” Well this is just terrible news, isn’t it. But what’s this now? “A spokesman for the governor said he won’t resign.” Hooray! [Chicago Breaking News]

Here’s CNN’s coverage of the wacky Kipling-inspired Blago press conference, in which the governor of Illinois is on cocaine, lots and lots of cocaine. And for those of you who didn’t understand our constant exclamations about Rick Sanchez’s Twitter in the liveblog, well, pay attention. It is the best possible thing to happen on cable teevee, showing crazy Internet peoples’ comments during actual news events. One of the last ones sums up the hilarity: “sundaycosmetics: Are u taking story ideas fm Twitter?” [YouTube]

So Blagojevich tried to shake down Jesse Junior for $25K years ago, and Jesse was all, “I don’t think so,” and then Blaggy somehow made Mrs. Jesse Jackson Junior not get some sweet job, and then he was all, “Now you see what $25,000 is worth, you punk,” and Jesse Junior thought this over, for a couple of years, and then went straight to the U.S. Attorney’s office. Illinois is incredible. [CNN]

We already knew that National Review Online editor and former secretary Kathryn Jean Lopez was proud of America when the Blagojevich scandal broke because (a) it was simple enough for her to understand and (b) it didn’t involve queers. In her column today, however, she offers even more trenchant insight regarding Blago’s conscience — why he didn’t have one, so to speak. Perhaps a childhood tragedy left him scarred? Perhaps “narcissistic personality disorder,” which is a medical disease? Perhaps lingering depression? Simple greed? Please. A writer of K-Lo’s caliber need not engage such ridiculous psychological dalliances. The point is that Blago is evil because he loves abortion, much like the Democrats. MORE »

Here’s some courtroom sketch of that Blaggy guy, Illinois mafioso Rod Blagojevich, suffering under the burden of this incredible hair monster. Here’s a quick tip for voters on the lookout for “clean” candidates: If they have hair like this, in 2008, they are a complete fucking criminal. No exceptions. [Princess Sparkle Pony]