Today, in our ongoing celebration of profane Republican lawmakers, we bring you the beloved Ohio smoke-mummy John Boehner. On Friday he very coyly suggested that Nancy Pelosi’s “Let’s All Give Anal Beads to the Polar Bears for Christmas” enviroterrorist legislation was not quite to his taste … MORE »

The grand mystery of Eliot Spitzer’s comically hypocritical whoring is what exactly was being discussed when classy hooker “Kristen” was told by her madam that Spitzer “would ask you to do things that, like, you might not think were safe ….” Although we remain hopeful that it was something really weird and dangerous, possibly involving a trapeze and a velvet hovercraft, the consensus seems to be “He didn’t want to wear a condom.” But why are they speaking to each other in such stilted circumlocutions? We could make up a whole list of similarly pointlessly roundabout talk at the super-premium Brothel of Ambiguity. Let’s do it! MORE »