May 27, 2012
pt barry can you hear me?
Barack Obama Wishes You a Gay Military Industrial Christmas
by Sara Benincasa 4:00 pm December 24, 2010
Happy happy Christmas week, you elf-fellating scum! Yes, it’s time for the Season of Lying to Children about the existence of any one of a number of Magical Miracle Men. To truly get in the Christmas spirit, I suggest you cut down a Druid’s tree, set a sacred pagan grove on fire, and start an [...]
Barack Obama Would Like To Know What Bon Jovi Thinks
by Sara Benincasa 3:48 pm December 17, 2010
Well, hello, Wonketteers! This will presumably be the last “Barry Can You Hear Me?” of whatever year it is, so I’d like to take a moment to thank all of you knuckle-draggers for straining your third-grade reading skills in order to absorb the pure genius I spew at you each and every Friday. What a [...]
Barack Obama Loves Human Sacrifice
by Sara Benincasa 2:30 pm December 3, 2010
Merry Jewmas, freaks! By “freaks” I of course mean “all Wonketteers,” not just the Jews. You see, this Season of Light has given me time to reflect that each and every one of you is a disgusting excuse for a carbon-based life form, regardless of which obscure imaginary desert god you pray to on the [...]
Obama Is On a Manic Medal-Awarding Spree
by Sara Benincasa 4:16 pm November 19, 2010
Greetings, skankarellas and skankarinos! What did you do this week? Award the Medal of Honor to a very handsome young man in uniform? Announce the recipients of the 2011 Medal of Presidential Freedom? Did you give a fucking medal to anybody, you worthless sack of European rabbit excrement? No, of course not, because you are [...]
Obama Hits Weird-Japanese-Commercial Portion of Presidency
by Sara Benincasa 4:20 pm November 12, 2010
This week, Barack Obama went over to Asia to see what happens when a model minority owns an entire continent. He obvs already knew, because his hippie mom made him live there in some off-the-grid shack for a hot minute with a foreign non-daddy, but it was worth another look to see if anything had [...]
Obama Is Just Fine With the Election Results, Okay?
by Sara Benincasa 3:13 pm November 5, 2010
Barack Obama had a Very Tough Week, in that he was still the president and the first black chief executive of these United States and a hero to millions around the world and brilliant and handsome and also, fuck you, he gave you health insurance and saved your stupid auto industry. But whatevs, people in [...]
Barack Obama Will Not Stop It With the Home Invasions
by Sara Benincasa 9:20 am October 22, 2010
Oh, hello there, filthy Wonkette freaklings. I didn’t know today was the Skank Parade! Aren’t you cute, with your sallow whorefaces and your characteristic odor of rot? I suppose you’ve come to this space in search of your weekly dose of breathless celebrity reportage about a man who is greater in body, mind and spirit [...]
Hopey Loves the Little Children, All the Children of The World
by Sara Benincasa 1:13 pm October 15, 2010
Well hello there, you dirty little hamsters! What did you do this week? Jack off to shirtless photos of Carl Paladino advisor and known titty enthusiast Roger Stone? Stretch your intellectual muscles by taking in a Christine O’Donnell television special? Or, haha, maybe you burned down a house, for Christ! Whatever you did, it was [...]
Barack Obama and the Ghost of Rodney Dangerfield Go Back To School
by Sara Benincasa 3:10 pm September 17, 2010
It is time for the “Back to School” episode on America’s favorite pornographic Interweb serial, “West Wing One Cup,” so one could be forgiven for assuming one would see images of Barack Obama going back to his Muslin kindergarten in the Congo to say, “Hey, everybody.” Unfortunately, this does not occur in this week’s installment. [...]
Barry Obamar Celebrates the Muslin Terrorist New Year 5771
by Sara Benincasa 4:40 pm September 10, 2010
L’shanah tovah, bitches! Happy Jew Year and all that jazz. Even though it is Rosh Hashish-nah and not Yom Kippur, my estranged lover, Official White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary, has enacted a Day of Atonement. Today, he’s made a giant gesture to get back into my good graces. He put up my beloved pornographic serial [...]
Barry Would Love To See You In September
by Sara Benincasa 2:12 pm September 3, 2010
Vay-cay-shun, all he ever wan-ted! Va-ca-tion, haaaaad to geeet awaaaaay! These are lyrics from an ancient funeral dirge that Barack Obama never sang or thought of while on vacation, probably, even though this was a hit song when he was in high school, in Kenya. Anyway, he’s backsies from the Vineyard just in time for [...]
During Times Of Trial, It Is Then That Jake Tapper Carries You
by Sara Benincasa 9:59 am August 27, 2010
Official White House Videographer Arun Chaudhury and I are the Sammi and Ronnie of the Internets. Usually, Arun posts the latest episode of everyone’s most beloved soap opera serial, West Wing Week, at approximately 12:01 a.m. on Friday morning. But lately, he’s been toying with my emotions by posting late and then trying to make [...]
Why Does Barack Obama Hate Thursday?
by Sara Benincasa 12:41 pm August 20, 2010
Sometimes, even superfans get angry at their favorite auteurs. For example, every time I think about those Star Wars abortionfilms with Hayden Christensen, I get PPSD (post prequel stress disorder) and have rage fits involving visions of Jar Jar eating George Lucas. Last Friday, I was rather incensed at my own favorite director, Official White [...]
If we learn one thing and one thing only from such classic love stories as Trainspotting, it’s that momma don’t do so well when she ain’t had her “medicine.” And this week, for some fucking reason, stingy and manipulative White House videographer Arun Chaudhary neglected to post his Obama porno show West Wing Week at [...]
Usually, Barry Can You Hear Me? entails a frame-by-frame analysis of official White House videographer Arun Chaudhary’s West Wing Week, which is like Triumph of the Will except not evil and also with less choreographed marching and visual symmetry. But this week, Arun went on a tour of the Gulf Coast to talk to Southern [...]
