Tag Archives: pt barry can you hear me?

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Barack Obama Broke An Intern’s Heart

Barack Hussein Obama is the greatest president in the history of ever, and those who do not show him adequate fealty are instantly thrown into the Den of Despair (i.e., Joe Biden’s hamper full of dirty boxer briefs.) Let us journey now into Wonkette’s very own “Week in Review”-esque weekly review of our Dear Leader’s activities, “Barry Can You Hear Me?” As per usual, our guide shall be Official White House Videographer Arun Riefenstahl-Chaudhary’s weekly afterschool special/snuff film, West Wing Week. Read more on Barack Obama Broke An Intern’s Heart…
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Barry Hates Riding In Cars With Boys

Greetings, liberal larvae! I hope you enjoyed your Dear Leader’s Most Sacred and Honorable Birthday Week in the appropriate fashion: prostrating yourself at the Virgin of Obamalupe altar you’ve built in the corner of your shack with colorful tin cans and wee little milagros depicting Michelle, Sasha and Malia with glorious halos. Other things happened this week besides the anniversary of the birth of your dusky-hued Christ, but it’s not like you care. So without further adieu ado (note: my Francophilic instincts got the best of me), let’s get into Office White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary’s weekly “Triumph of the Will” reboot, West Wing Week! Read more on Barry Hates Riding In Cars With Boys…
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Barack Will Never Give You A Follow Friday

Why hello, liberal political fetus monsters! It’s time once again for the only weekly feature on the Internet, “Barry Can You Hear Me?” In case you are new to this game, this is the special place where we celebu-stalk Barack Obama via God’s own newsreel, West Wing Week. Let us see what this terrible (black) excuse for a carbon-based life form managed to totally ruin this week. Read more on Barack Will Never Give You A Follow Friday…
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Barry Is Officially Your BEST PRESIDENT EVAR

Haha, what “happened” this week in Barack Obama’s life? Nothing of great import, surely! Except for OWNING comedy and OWNING assassination, that is! That weird scraping sound you hear is the sound of Barry’s GIANT BALLS being dragged around the country, while we collectively open wide our American Mouthhole to lovingly teabag him in the right, obedient way Jesus God intended. It was also a great week for Official White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary’s jingoistic “Red Shoe Diaries”-esque softcore serial, “West Wing Week,” which has racked up like thrice as many views in the past 24 hours as it usually does. Your kolumnista knows this, because she is an Arun Superfan. Now on to the murderous fun! Read more on Barry Is Officially Your BEST PRESIDENT EVAR…
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Barry Obama’s Donnie Darko ‘Easter’ Adventure

Greetings, asshandlers! ‘Tis I, the greatest of Friday authoresses, here to impart wisdom and Journalistik Insightz about something other than the fucking Great White Wedding of the Year. While it is funzies to watch a nice rich inbred “English” boy whose real surname is “Saxe-Coburg and Gotha” mix up the gene pool with fresh blood so as to avoid the dreaded mandibular prognathism/shark eyes/trouty mouth of his forebears, it is even better to watch President Barack Obama present his freedman papers to the mob of angry stupid Amurrrican whites with their lynchin’ ropes and their switches, i.e., your asshole grandparents and idiot cousins. Let us dive into the weekly column that ought to be called Zebra Beat, because it follows this president who is BLACK AND WHITE BOTH AT ONCE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! As per usual, our guide is Official White House Pornographer Arun Chaudhary’s West Wing Week. He is like Leni Riefenstahl, but a dude and One of the Good Guys! Also: unlikely to carve out a future as an octogenarian photographer of coral reef action. Anyway, on to the Barry! Read more on Barry Obama’s Donnie Darko ‘Easter’ Adventure…
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Barack Obama Is Your Prophet and Savior of All Beautiful Things

What a week, amiright? Whew! The handsomest president on Earth traveled around the country doing handsome presidential things, while we ended common decency forever and also GLEE returned! Let us dive into the deep pit of sexy that is Barack Obama’s daily shed-jewel. We will be sure to speak slowly and use tiny words in order to better accommodate our site’s newest ravenous horde of “fans.” Read more on Barack Obama Is Your Prophet and Savior of All Beautiful Things…
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Barry Has a Hot Staff

This column is a tribute to the handsomest man on Earth, Barack Hussein Syriana Obama, but it is also an ode to our nation’s finest pornographic weekly serial, West Wing Week. Come now, and fap away as I unveil the newest seductive visual pleasures from this hot, frothy source of political propaganda. Read more on Barry Has a Hot Staff…
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The Libyans Won’t Steal Barry’s DeLorean

Aloha, unrepentant liberals! ‘Tis I, your noble weekly columnist, showing up for work for frigging once. I’ve been writing a book so as to pay the bills in this roaring U.S. economy. Bills are of course the toasters in the bathtub of the world, and my fear of them is commensurate only with my love for President Barack Obama, the subject of this brilliant column. Read on, and learn more about the saintly he-man to whom none of us will ever measure up. Read more on The Libyans Won’t Steal Barry’s DeLorean…
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The Butt-Touching of Our 44th President

It is the customary habit of your authoress to commence her weekly Barack Obama fan kkkolumn with various nasty comments about you, her loyal and handsome readership. This week, she wishes to begin in a spirit of love and compassion, for this is the way of the Christ. It is too bad you are such a piece of human excrement that she has to hold her nose while typing. Read on about the lewd things our president has done, if you even know how to read, you back-alley abortion of an American. Read more on The Butt-Touching of Our 44th President…
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Barack Obama Won’t Stop Crashing Science Fairs

Alright, you knuckle-biting asshandlers, it’s time for your favorite Pulitzer Prize-winning kolumn to return with a sexy vengeance! Yes, fapping masses, your weekly investigative report/breathless Obamarrr fanfic installment is back. I’ve been busy traveling to tell jokes and do filthy things with your D.C.-based Wonketteers (and also Jim Newell.) Here is what Muamarbama Barackfi did this week while Michelle tried to teach a nation of fat shitsacks to eat non-fried vegetables. As per usual, you can follow along at home by watching Official White House Pornographer Arun Chaudhary’s stimulating and sweaty “West Wing Week.” Got your hand lotion and empty sock ready? Good! Read more on Barack Obama Won’t Stop Crashing Science Fairs…
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The Week In Barry Drinking Game

Hello! Would you like to know what your President Mahmoud Barack Hussein Al-Bama did this week? Well, this column will tell you everything in vast, accurate detail, based on Official White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary’s weekly pornographic Inter-tubes serial. But let us imagine instead that you would perhaps be more interested in a WEST WING WEEK DRINKING GAME! If so, just skip past all the hard-hitting investigative reportage to get to the end of this posticle. Deal? Deal! Let’s do this thing! Read more on The Week In Barry Drinking Game…
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The Week Barack Obama Loved Salmon and Bears

Greetings, stains. It’s Friday, and that means it’s time for another examination of President Barry Hussein Soetero’s least un-American cracktivities. This week, my Internutz were all afouled up, because I live in Egypt, apparently. As a result, I relied not on my beloved “West Wing Week” (sorry Arun C.!) and instead defected to the Jake Tapperocracy that is ABC News’s Political Punch blog.Try not to fap into your Ronald Reagan commemorative mugs while you absorb the finely-wrought, sensitive prose I’m about to unleash about Barack Obama’s work week. Read more on The Week Barack Obama Loved Salmon and Bears…
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Barry Gives Richard Gere The Finger

It is no secret that this column relies heavily on the contributions of your Official White House Videographer, one Arun Chaudhary. It is also no secret that this columnist (Richard Cohen with bigger tatas) becomes enraged when Arun thinks it is okay to go away to places like Sudan and not put up a brand-new domestic “West Wing Week” (this is the dirty sex serial that Arun churns out each week using only a laptop, a flip-cam and Hope.) But this week, your public-access Internet teevee slave made up for last week by bringing a whole buttload of domestic video AND Kal Penn AND extremely hot presidential aide Reggie Love (1:50!!). Also: anal rape and China. Read more on Barry Gives Richard Gere The Finger…
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Barry Knocks It Out Of the Park

This weekly “column,” as they called it when newspapers were still printed, is a place to say funny, crazy, foul and often highly sexual things about our handsome preznit (and, occasionally, his staff.) Generally, your authoress is dependent upon the mad videography skillz of one Arun Chaudhary, Official White House Videographer and In-House Paparazzo. But two things are different about this week. First, lazyass Arun took an all-expenses-paid vacation to Sudan and made “West Wing Week” all about that inspirational African story rather than the NUMBER ONE MOST INSPIRATIONAL AFRICAN STORY OF ALL TIME, Barry “Kenya Hear Me” Hussein Obama. (Oh, and Arun knows what he did.) And second, your authoress got the eerie feeling that this week, Barry did indeed hear her, and maybe you and everyone else, too. Let us proceed with these two unusual conditions in mind as we enter the world of the only living black man to charm more white people than Meshach Taylor. Read more on Barry Knocks It Out Of the Park…
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Barack Obama and Other Persons Have Resolutions To Share

Like Jesus Christ, Official White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary is generous in the extreme. His marvy White House propaganda tool West Wing Week is usually a breathless account of your handsomest president’s every holy facial tic and sacred bowel movement. But this week, Arun pulls back the curtain and introduces us to some lesser-known public servants, including your authoress’s future husband, Deputy Director of Oval Office Operations Brian Mosteller. Prepare to learn a bit about Barack and a shitload about the people in the White House who aren’t Kenyan Muslins! Read more on Barack Obama and Other Persons Have Resolutions To Share…
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Barack Obama Wishes You a Gay Military Industrial Christmas

Happy happy Christmas week, you elf-fellating scum! Yes, it’s time for the Season of Lying to Children about the existence of any one of a number of Magical Miracle Men. To truly get in the Christmas spirit, I suggest you cut down a Druid’s tree, set a sacred pagan grove on fire, and start an apocalyptic desert cult that grows into the world’s oldest and largest child-fuckery concern. Make it an LLC, or pretend it is “nonprofit,” whichever suits your tastes! And now, on to the worship of the One True God, Barack Hussein Obama. Read more on Barack Obama Wishes You a Gay Military Industrial Christmas…
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Barack Obama Would Like To Know What Bon Jovi Thinks

Well, hello, Wonketteers! This will presumably be the last “Barry Can You Hear Me?” of whatever year it is, so I’d like to take a moment to thank all of you knuckle-draggers for straining your third-grade reading skills in order to absorb the pure genius I spew at you each and every Friday. What a glorious reward it is for you, the unwashed masses, to take a break from your jobs at the scrimshaw shop and the local cooperage franchise in order to have a brief meditative moment scanning this lady-scrivener’s intellectual dispatches from the heart of Obama Fandonia, a kingdom that I rule with an iron pussy. Speaking of Barack, let’s see what that handsome scamp got up to this week! Read more on Barack Obama Would Like To Know What Bon Jovi Thinks…
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Barack Obama Loves Human Sacrifice

Merry Jewmas, freaks! By “freaks” I of course mean “all Wonketteers,” not just the Jews. You see, this Season of Light has given me time to reflect that each and every one of you is a disgusting excuse for a carbon-based life form, regardless of which obscure imaginary desert god you pray to on the toilet. You know who is neither disgusting nor obscure? President Barack Obama! Let’s see what he was up to this week, while your soul sank ever-deeper into the mire. As usual, White House serial pornographic talkie West Wing Week will be our guide. Read more on Barack Obama Loves Human Sacrifice…
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Obama Is On a Manic Medal-Awarding Spree

Greetings, skankarellas and skankarinos! What did you do this week? Award the Medal of Honor to a very handsome young man in uniform? Announce the recipients of the 2011 Medal of Presidential Freedom? Did you give a fucking medal to anybody, you worthless sack of European rabbit excrement? No, of course not, because you are a value-free bag of tiny turdpellets produced by the Oryctolagus cuniculus. Since you are such a disappointment, let us instead turn our eyes to feast upon the sexy black man who is our 65th president. Read more on Obama Is On a Manic Medal-Awarding Spree…
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Obama Hits Weird-Japanese-Commercial Portion of Presidency

This week, Barack Obama went over to Asia to see what happens when a model minority owns an entire continent. He obvs already knew, because his hippie mom made him live there in some off-the-grid shack for a hot minute with a foreign non-daddy, but it was worth another look to see if anything had changed, like if a sizable portion of the population had lost or gained an epicanthic fold. Read more on Obama Hits Weird-Japanese-Commercial Portion of Presidency…
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Obama Is Just Fine With the Election Results, Okay?

Barack Obama had a Very Tough Week, in that he was still the president and the first black chief executive of these United States and a hero to millions around the world and brilliant and handsome and also, fuck you, he gave you health insurance and saved your stupid auto industry. But whatevs, people in Congress lost or won things, so I guess that means he is finished. It is with a heavy heart and a throbbing girlboner that I turn your attention to Barry’s recent scamperings with this week’s West Wing Week! Huzzah. Read more on Obama Is Just Fine With the Election Results, Okay?…
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Barack Obama Will Not Stop It With the Home Invasions

Oh, hello there, filthy Wonkette freaklings. I didn’t know today was the Skank Parade! Aren’t you cute, with your sallow whorefaces and your characteristic odor of rot? I suppose you’ve come to this space in search of your weekly dose of breathless celebrity reportage about a man who is greater in body, mind and spirit than you can even contemplate. Well, ye shall have it, though ye deserveth it not. It’s time for another edition of “Barry, Can You Hear Me?” As usual, we’ll rely on White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary’s Frederick Wiseman-esque groundbreaking documentary series, “West Wing Week,” to guide our journey. Read more on Barack Obama Will Not Stop It With the Home Invasions…