We’ve seen this before from the McCain campaign, its Maverick-y process of rationalization. When Obama didn’t agree to McCain’s call for a series of 80 town halls, the McCain campaign used this as a justification to make nasty shit up about Obama, such as “Obama wants to teach your kindergartners how to bang each other.” When the Obama campaign made fun of McCain’s ~7 houses, the McCain campaign considered this an insult to Cindy McCain — wives are off-limits! — and responded with its first ad about, uh, Tony Rezko. And now we come to the present situation, in which the McCain campaign is using a random Congressman’s weekend rant to justify its upcoming usage of Jeremiah Wright. MORE »

This new Republican National Senatorial Committee ad against Minnesota candidate Al Franken calls him a rape-lover who loves to rape white women or really rape anything; rapes boys, rapes pandas, even rapes himself when he’s out of other things to rape. Rape rape rape rape raper rap erp rae peraraep. The rape ad tells us that his rape porn is “so vile” that even the rapey DEMOCRATS denounced it, the Democrats, the terrible insect-raping Democrats. And that’s why Al Franken’s in teevee rapist jail at the end of the ad: for raping rape. [YouTube]

Ooh, it’s the new scary McCain ad! Alas, it leaves out William Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, the Rosenbergs, and Jane Fonda. They are all from Chicago, and they all have implanted chips in Barack Obama’s brain that make him Not Ready to Lead. [YouTube]

Here’s the latest ad from the New Barack Obama, who’s nothing more than a big meanie. It’s responding to an independent ad from BornAliveTruth.org that claimed Barry voted to KILL LIVE BABIES — ones that have actually popped out of the vag! — during his pitiful tenure as a state senator. Obama directly blames this smear on the McCain campaign as yet another “DESPICABLE LIE.” Why is this fruitball Barack Obama suddenly trying to play politics? [YouTube]

Barack Obama has taken off his gloves again and this is what we have, America: a goofy ad that points out John McCain can’t use a computer. The ad itself is so double-reverse-bizarro-meta ironic that it features that lame cursive font your local PTA likes to use on bake sale flyers. If this is their national media strategy, then we should all hope that the Obama team’s vaunted “ground game” is as sharp as ever. ["Still" Ad]

Good gravy, what is up with the news today? The earth has halted in its orbit around the sun while everybody just gawps at how many frigging houses John McCain has. So Barack Obama made this ad SLAMMING McCain and HITTING HIM HARD &c about being a terrible out-of-touch plutocrat land baron rapist of the poor. The McCain campaign will probably respond in the next half hour or so with an ad that just says ARUGULA GODDAMMIT. Oh silly season. [YouTube]

This is why John McCain will win the presidency: All of his exciting sex scandals happened 50 years ago, and since then he’s pretty much confined his misdoings to dull and complicated campaign finance/influence peddling bullshit that nobody cares about. We defy you to watch this very informative attack ad without falling asleep 15 times. How boring is this ad? So boring that in spite of the fact that it’s called “Tainted” we could only manufacture one tiny joke about Ralph Reed’s monstrous, world-devouring taint. Please Jesus let Vicki Iseman be knocked up with a little walnut-cheeked hellion so the DNC can make better ads. [YouTube]

A day after the Atlantic released tons of confidential memos and e-mails that, yet again, proved Hillary Clinton’s former chief strategist Mark “Bowser” Penn kills puppies for bloodsport, the Politico has comically published an op-ed from this very same Mark Penn, entitled, “Negative ads: They really do work.” Christ, Mark, we get it; Wolfson and Grunwald and Ickes were silly sallies who kept spoiling your hellish strategy for charred victory. But that doesn’t mean you have to write some creepy op-ed in the damn Politico every three hours! Seriously, creepy — in this op-ed, Penn reveals how he and Bill Clinton used to stalk people at the mall in 1996. MORE »

This ad about John McCain’s 26 years servicing Washington has funny olde-tyme flapper music and lots of clips of John McCain debasing himself by hugging people and going on the Jay Leno show. The most shocking part is the outtakes from his sex tape with Paris Hilton: he is not known as the “White Tornado” for nothing. [Ben Smith]

Both presidential candidates released some angry shit-talking commercials today. Apparently Barack Obama promises your family fewer jobs, while John McCain lives in a tiny black-and-white television with George Bush. The question is, which candidate more stealthily removed the other candidate’s balls and replaced them with harmless Neuticles? View and assess, after the jump. MORE »

Oh that wacky Paris Hilton, seizing on the moment. Here she is wearing a creepy swimming gown and responding to John McCain’s dumb ad about her in an internet video from some comedy website we’ve never heard of. Top story on Drudge? Mission accomplished, obviously. [Funny Or Die]