Good gravy, what is up with the news today? The earth has halted in its orbit around the sun while everybody just gawps at how many frigging houses John McCain has. So Barack Obama made this ad SLAMMING McCain and HITTING HIM HARD &c about being a terrible out-of-touch plutocrat land baron rapist of the poor. The McCain campaign will probably respond in the next half hour or so with an ad that just says ARUGULA GODDAMMIT. Oh silly season. [YouTube]

It’s easy to forget that some other guy was president before the McCain/Obama joint rulership of America began. The other guy’s name was “George Bush,” and he flew around the world dancing with the natives and bombing nonexistent nuke installations. But now that Dick Cheney has tired of operating the chip in his brain, George Bush needs a new place to live, so he has dispatched his wife to investigate every cavernous tacky 7,000-square-foot limestone piece of shit in the greater Dallas area. Let’s explore the possibilities, together. MORE »

Clinton campaign spokesperson and offensive sweater-wearer Howard Wolfson doesn’t have a lot to be happy about these days, but at least he finally sold his Central Park West condo (pictured, left). The property had been on the market since last July. Now the new owner will be able to enjoy its luxurious limestone bathrooms while Sad Howard sleeps on a grate along with John Edwards’ war veterans. [New York Observer]