If you’re of a Certain Age (”not ancient” yet “not young”), you may recall this guy Alexander Haig because he ran around yelling “I am in control here!” and “Fuck the Pope!” after Ronald Reagan was shot in 1981. Or, you may not. Most people who grew up in the 1980s don’t remember anything beyond the band Journey and how Boy George “looked like a fuckin’ fag.” Ha ha, life seemed pretty bad back then, didn’t it? Uh, anyway, this guy Alexander Haig died. MORE »

So long, old fella. [NYT]

The Summer of Celebrity/News Death continues! Don Hewitt, the guy who created famous old-people program 60 Minutes, is dead at 86. He, like all people who died this summer and got obits in the NYT, is/was a legend. Legend of what, you ask? TeeVee! Before this guy, we hear, there was no such thing as the TeeVee News Magazine. We don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing — well, on second thought, it was probably a bad thing. The television news killed the important newspaper industry, remember? And now look where we are! [CBS News]

He hadn’t anchored the Evening News in nearly three decades, but Walter Cronkite set the standard for serious, authoritative network news. The stuff he covered was the biggest stuff of the 20th Century: from WWII to JFK, Apollo to Vietnam, Chicago ‘68 to Watergate and the slow rot of America beginning in the mid-1970s. MORE »

America’s first black president, 12-year-old space monster Michael Jackson, is still dead. But like most Americans, you are probably wondering, “Is he in the coffin at that vulgar Staples Center death show in Los Angeles, or is whatever’s left of his body somewhere else?” TMZ just sent us this EXCLUSIVE photo showing … we don’t know, really. Some microbes? PROOF OF LIFE ON MARS? Yes, we think so. 7/7, never forget. [TMZ]

Robert McNamara accomplished many things in his long life, from revitalizing Ford Motor Co. with a new line of safe compact cars to decades of work to alleviate global poverty and reduce the risk of nuclear war. But he dies today as the “architect of the Vietnam War,” and it seemed the whole rest of his life was a good faith attempt to make up for that awful karma. MORE »

One-man circus Michael Jackson has officially died, and somebody is very, very happy about this news. (That “somebody” is Mark Sanford. Adios, Mark! Enjoy the rest of your life.) We, of course, could give a hoot about Michael Jackson, although your editor once free-lanced a “concert review” of Wacko Jacko’s post-pedophile (?) 1996 performance in Prague, and the National Enquirer paid something like $500, enough for a plane ticket back to America. So, thanks, Michael! Thanks for the good times, and thanks to Vladan for getting us the Ecstasy so we could tolerate that awful spectacle. Also, Michael, you sure did get yourself photographed with a lot of 1980s and ’90s presidents! You were truly the Barack Obama of that particular era. MORE »

PAUL HARVEY … DEAD: “He had a face for radio and the political compass of the Inquisition. Born to a long line of Baptist preachers, he became the biggest snake oil salesmen of them all. Although known as a full-bore right wing nut, he broke with Nixon on Cambodia and (so he claimed) Joe McCarthy on some minor point or another.” [AOL Political Machine]

Socks the Cat, sorta beloved pet of the Clintons, died on Friday in the care of retired Clinton secretary Betty Currie. And why was Currie watching over Socks? Because when Bill Clinton left the White House for New York, he brought along newer pet Buddy the Dog, who was soon run over and crushed to death by a car. Socks was supposedly going to live in Hillary’s fancy new house in Washington, but Hillary was never quite “ready” to allow her own pet — a helpless animal — to move to Georgetown. So poor old Socks was stuck with Mrs. Currie, or poor old Mrs. Currie was stuck with Socks. But at least they were no longer stuck with the Clintons, the end. [Obit Magazine/Top of the Ticket]

• JOHN UPDIKE: Many tipsters are wondering why Wonkette hasn’t “covered” the important D.C. political news regarding the death of New York/Massachusetts novelist John Updike. Here you go! [Washington Post]

• JESSE HELMS: AMERICAN GARBAGE Read your editor’s obituary for Jesse Helms, and let’s all laugh together. [AOL Political Machine]

Red alert! It appears Kos and his liberal netroots have breached the inner circle of ABC News’ George Stephanopoulos and killed him to death. He is a Greek “white ethnic” so that is a Hate Crime. George Stephanopoulos was 16 years old. [YouTube]

You’d never know it by reading National Review today, but that conservative magazine used to be an important, interesting and intellectual journal. That’s because William F. Buckley Jr., who died early this morning at the ripe old age of 82, was a hell of a writer (but a crappy novelist). He also had famous eyebrows, as the New York Times notes in its obituary. MORE »