BARBARA BUSH HAS SUCCESSFUL HEART SURGERY: Former first lady (and a Pierce by birth, never you forget) Barbara Bush underwent what the cretins call “open heart surgery” earlier today. Doctors successfully removed the Jameson bottle and now she’s… oops, wrong Kennedy. You only heard about this news tonight because it would have been very uncouth to alert the public to this embarrassing affair earlier in the day. Oh, puddingsticks. [CNN]