We’re in a weird time, folks, a very weird time. Here, psychotic near-dead Watergate burglar G. Gordon Liddy rasps and mumbles as a pretty pissed-off Chris Matthews tries to drag this particular racist night worm of pathetic American thought into the light. Good fucking god, we are really on a cliff here.

Hey guess what, people? Hillary Clinton is still trying to “woo” superdelegates by sending threatening letters to Nancy Pelosi; Barack Obama continues to shake his head sadly, with dignity; and John McCain wants Democrats to vote for him. In other words, boring news rules the Internet today, which is why we bring you this important update on the increasingly fragile emotional state of the bear who drove the National Zoo’s Butterstick to experiment with hard drugs. MORE »

Randy Crow is not a hero. He’s just a simple North Carolinian running for president as a Democrat. Allow us to introduce this wonder whose website we stumbled across — or rather, allow Randy Crow to introduce himself: “I am the tenth generation or so grandson of Pocahontas through my mother and father.” MORE »

In one of the better “This Thing Is Like That Thing”(tm) routines we’ve encountered, the remaining 19 supporters of the Iraq catastrophe have a new strategy to show why everyone should quit complaining about the bloodbath: The occupation of Iraq is no different than Katie Couric’s low ratings on the CBS Evening News. MORE »