Man, what kind of a free speech country do we even have anymore when a man holding an innocuous “Death to Obama” sign outside a contentious town hall meeting, one that goes about as poorly as the other meetings that featured GUNS AND KNIVES and lots of shouting, is detained by police? No wonder everybody wants their America back! This America blows. MORE »

Blogger “Tim C.” has posted an excellent “Child’s Garden of Teabaggery” photo tour at Blue Hampshire depicting insane children holding signs at yesterday’s Portsmouth gun rally. This is our favorite, with the little girl holding up some confusing child-labor slogan right next to a freaking real-life Walter Sobchak describing his consecutive mouth- and anal-rape fantasies. In another photo, a little girl argues for tort reform. [Blue Hampshire]

We’ve all been feeling so proud of our nation after hearing yesterday’s news about the insane, bloody war — like real-life, actual War, with guns and troops and Prussians and shit — scheduled for St. Louis today, between the unions and the people who should be in unions but aren’t and therefore hate unions. So, what was the BODY COUNT? Brave operative “Nick B.” brings us the whole, sad story: “My two friends and I were the ONLY people counter-protesting at the wingnut SEIU protest in St. Louis today, and I thought I might share what went down. The SEIU office is just a few blocks away, so we made some signs with posterboard and headed down, assuming that there would be others like us. But when we got there it was just a crowd of 150 or so with ‘Don’t Tread On Me’ signs (which fooled us at first, since they’re the same colors as SEIU has), with people on both sides of the street.” Click the clicky to see whether “Nick” survived, or e-mailed us his report from Hell. MORE »

Things are so fucked up right now in America. The atmosphere surrounding these health care town halls is evolving faster than the HIV virus on cocaine, and steroids. Last night we saw the first fights break out in St. Louis and Tampa, over proposed legislation to reform an inefficient, costly sector of the domestic economy. For a heartwarming account of the Tampa event, read the delightful e-mail Ta-Nehisi Coates received today! As for St. Louis, things went so well yesterday, violence-wise, that they’re all getting back together tomorrow to murder each other. MORE »

President Cop-Killer announced yesterday, or today, or some time recently, that he will be making a few stops in Virginia and North Carolina this week to talk up health care with a carefully vetted ensemble of malaria-stricken blind quadriplegics and morbidly obese comatose pancreatic cancer patients, none of whom can afford all the gizmos and elixirs and magical goat’s blood that they need. Bad form, Nobama — don’t you know that the Raleigh area is the Northern Wake Republican Club’s territory, as marked by their piss? And, thanks to Wonkette operative “notsofreshfeelings,” we have obtained their protest strategy e-mail for Wednesday’s event. And you better believe that they’re cookin’ up some devastating slogans for their Obama-kryptonite signs. MORE »

Who is this Serento fellow, anyway? The Honduran coup leader? Thanks to intrepid Shaker Heights photojournalist “Pamela” for the picture.

Alan Keyes wanted to get arrested at Notre Dame and thrown in jail forever so very much that… well he just COULD NOT WAIT until the actually graduation ceremony in nine days! He and some friends were apprehended on the Notre Dame campus today, for trespassing: “Keyes was among a group of 26 protesters, some of them pushing baby carriages with dolls covered in fake blood.” Is your pscyhology all fucked up now, liberals?! Oh. Anyway all of these folks turned down the $250 bail option and will starve to death in this jail… meaning more abortions for the rest of us! [Chicago Breaking News]

Father to a lesbian Hell Demon and former “Maryland diplomat” Alan Keyes, the self-proclaimed “abortion of politics,” well he’s going to Notre Dame, is what he’s doing, to protest Barack Obama’s upcoming commencement speech alongside the bloody baby carriages and Abortion Planes. Remember that not five years ago, Alan Keyes was Barack Obama’s general election opponent for the United States Senate. Now Obama is president, and Keyes is the obnoxious slob who stands near the back of the auditorium at Obama’s speeches shouting arbitrary, violent Bible verses for a few seconds before getting arrested. And Keyes is really looking forward to getting arrested at Notre Dame and spending the rest of his life in an Indiana county prison. MORE »

We’ll just throw all of these pictures in and not bother with the one-liners this time, because this is Art and must be respected. Here are some important themes, motifs and keywords though: Star Wars, furries, whores, the boardwalk, YouTube Thomas Paine impersonator as Big Brother, French aristocracy, CNN, Osama, Obama, media saturation, Adolf Hitler, attractive hobos, homosexuals, racism, black people, vulgarity, cancer, testicles, death, sadness, misery, failure, and gonorrhea. MORE »

Brave Wonkette operative Matt Singerman is — and we say this with complete accuracy — just cold taking pictures of a handful of ill-informed dingbats wandering around in the freezing rain with their droopy signs about … well, take your pick, really. Remember when libtards were the ones who held the goofball million-cause marches? Well, now it’s the wingnuts’ turn, and they sure bring a new flavor to the proceedings. Mmm, tastes like racism! MORE »

We saw this tuxedoed pig-man belting his terrifying song about money outside the White House without knowing, say, what the hell was wrong with him. And then other non-tuxedoed protesters started yelling in his ear and telling him to shut up, so we just assumed that it was a microcosm of the considerably important ideological war between the Insanes and the AstroTurfs. But some lady later informed us that these tuxedoed pigs were “probably” secret ACORN agents, who, if you recall, make up Obama’s personal S.S. “hit squad.” They are employing the liberal tactic of Irony to show that the Tea Parties are just a corporate scam. Whatever. But they do have the cops in their back pocket! [YouTube]

“obfuscator” sends word from the Baggers Convention in beautiful Springfield, Illinois, “on the very steps of the same capitol building which served as the the launchpad for Barry Hussein Nobama’s political career or was that William Ayers’ terrorfag breakfast nook? Lolwut. Enjoy. (There was also a guy wearing a sandwich board that simply said ‘BUY GUNS’. He was handing out dvds that ‘explain how the government is trying to kill us’. I was scared to photograph him oh well.)” Thank you obfuscator for nearly getting murdered by a gun nut!

Ever since America’s most recent 9/11, when an ex-derivatives trader ranted on the cable news money channel about Obama’s $75 billion plan to subsidize salvageable mortgages, certain Real Americans have developed this masturbatory obsession with tea bags and ladies’ tea parties and also sucking each others’ balls. They are doing this because of socialism, the cartoon movie The Watch Men, and the blacks — Congress, essentially. And as part of this ball-sucking guerilla war they now appear to be issuing “threats” by mailing certain substances in suspicious envelopes to the Senate. They freak out mail room employees and security guards for a few seconds until they realize that the substance is just tea — tea in the form of tea bags — probably mixed up with a few pubic hairs, for show. MORE »