Wonkette

John McCain is inspiring some very spirited protests from, uh, these two people, pictured here. MORE »

Hello everyone. How were your Fourth of July weeks? Well that’s wonderful. The worst Fourth of July experience this year was probably that of Jesse Helms, who hilariously died. But important founding father Thomas Jefferson also died on the Fourth of July (five, ten years ago-ish), and that’s why President Bush spent his holiday at Jefferson’s house, Monticello, among the ghosts of his “mocha” bastard slave children. And then RADICAL LEFT protest group Code Pink harassed him a bunch of times, just like they did every day when Jefferson lived his naked life with Sacagawea. [YouTube]

Thousands of dockworkers from Seattle to San Diego didn’t show up at work today, forcing the closure of all 29 ports in the Western United States — including the busiest American ports at Los Angeles and Long Beach. What the hell? MORE »

It may look like common D.C. traffic, but all those honking trucks around the Capitol today are actually part of a Ron Paul trucker protest because diesel costs like $5 a gallon and the truckers are all going broke, so they want John McCain to make diesel free, and he said okay because he is also a poor trucker. Fuel riots, food rationing, people thrown out of their homes by the millions … who knew 2008 would be so exciting? [Associated Press]

A woman who works in a restaurant at the Little Rock airport said she was fired after she held up a Hillary Clinton sign in view of John McCain’s landing plane. Micah Qualls says former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee saw her holding up the sign in the parking lot and complained to her boss, who promptly canned her. But Mike Huckabee and her boss say no such thing happened, and this is all a terrible misunderstanding! So who’s lying — the sassy lassie who starred in a local theater production of “Anything Goes,” or the devout governor whose covenant wedding Qualls protested three years ago? MORE »

Here are Ron Paul’s supporters, still leading the Ron Paul rEVOLution, on the lawn of the U.S. Capitol yesterday at a rally, gazing longingly at George Washington’s aluminum-tipped erect penis in the distance. Did you know that Ron Paul will also have a famous obelisk-cum-penis when he is president, again? More pictures of his concubines dancing the dance of Freedom, after the jump! MORE »

SAN FRANCISCO IS HAVING PROTESTS TOO: Old people fighting cops, 140 arrests, people in gorilla suits … San Francisco did not disappoint. [SF Gate]

Iraq War protester-hippies poured red paint on the sidewalk outside of an Army recruitment office today. When a recruiter — who, along with his colleagues, was counter-protesting — noticed the spill, he asked some hippies what impact pouring red paint on the sidewalk has on the war. One hippie responded along the lines of, “It’s the blood of foreign countries that you’ve spilled.” The recruiter responded with something about bringing peace to the Middle East. This really happened. They each went their own ways after a minute or so — the hippie back to his hippie mob which was chanting “fuck the war!”; the recruiter back to his Army friends who were responding with “win the war!” (although it might have been “bring the war!” which is, well, terrible). Between these two groups was a puddle of red paint on the sidewalk, claiming naive pedestrians one-by-one.

Worst protest in the history of protests. Our last pictures are below, so you can see for yourself. MORE »

The key to any hippie protest is having a wide range of signs, usually homemade, each of which features some wry slogan of the individual protester’s making. This strategy creates a safeguard against the corrosive effects of Mob Rule upon the brain. To illustrate further: a protester is at home reading conspiracy theories on the Internet, and this protester’s mind is churning out revolutionary new postulates by the second. The protester can write the best of them all — “The Bush is burning,” say — on his or her sign. Each protester does this, the Mob Mentality sets in, and voila, it’s a protest: a sea of ugly signs with pathetic phrases and a loud roar of “BWAH BWAH BWAH BWAH” erupting from hundreds of overfed mouths. A Wonkette Photo Tour of today’s best signs, after the jump. MORE »

This is another party of protesting hippie marauders, who met up around noon to march down K Street — home of evil lobbyists like John McCain — and yell at all the corporates in their plush silk-lined oil money offices. For a good half an hour, the group was steadily making its way through D.C. yelling “Down with K Street,” or some such. For this same half an hour, they were on L Street. Oops! Check out this latest Wonkette Film, where the hobbits finally reach K Street, the road they hate. [YouTube]