Alan Keyes wanted to get arrested at Notre Dame and thrown in jail forever so very much that… well he just COULD NOT WAIT until the actually graduation ceremony in nine days! He and some friends were apprehended on the Notre Dame campus today, for trespassing: “Keyes was among a group of 26 protesters, some of them pushing baby carriages with dolls covered in fake blood.” Is your pscyhology all fucked up now, liberals?! Oh. Anyway all of these folks turned down the $250 bail option and will starve to death in this jail… meaning more abortions for the rest of us! [Chicago Breaking News]

Father to a lesbian Hell Demon and former “Maryland diplomat” Alan Keyes, the self-proclaimed “abortion of politics,” well he’s going to Notre Dame, is what he’s doing, to protest Barack Obama’s upcoming commencement speech alongside the bloody baby carriages and Abortion Planes. Remember that not five years ago, Alan Keyes was Barack Obama’s general election opponent for the United States Senate. Now Obama is president, and Keyes is the obnoxious slob who stands near the back of the auditorium at Obama’s speeches shouting arbitrary, violent Bible verses for a few seconds before getting arrested. And Keyes is really looking forward to getting arrested at Notre Dame and spending the rest of his life in an Indiana county prison. MORE »

We’ll just throw all of these pictures in and not bother with the one-liners this time, because this is Art and must be respected. Here are some important themes, motifs and keywords though: Star Wars, furries, whores, the boardwalk, YouTube Thomas Paine impersonator as Big Brother, French aristocracy, CNN, Osama, Obama, media saturation, Adolf Hitler, attractive hobos, homosexuals, racism, black people, vulgarity, cancer, testicles, death, sadness, misery, failure, and gonorrhea. MORE »

Brave Wonkette operative Matt Singerman is — and we say this with complete accuracy — just cold taking pictures of a handful of ill-informed dingbats wandering around in the freezing rain with their droopy signs about … well, take your pick, really. Remember when libtards were the ones who held the goofball million-cause marches? Well, now it’s the wingnuts’ turn, and they sure bring a new flavor to the proceedings. Mmm, tastes like racism! MORE »

We saw this tuxedoed pig-man belting his terrifying song about money outside the White House without knowing, say, what the hell was wrong with him. And then other non-tuxedoed protesters started yelling in his ear and telling him to shut up, so we just assumed that it was a microcosm of the considerably important ideological war between the Insanes and the AstroTurfs. But some lady later informed us that these tuxedoed pigs were “probably” secret ACORN agents, who, if you recall, make up Obama’s personal S.S. “hit squad.” They are employing the liberal tactic of Irony to show that the Tea Parties are just a corporate scam. Whatever. But they do have the cops in their back pocket! [YouTube]

“obfuscator” sends word from the Baggers Convention in beautiful Springfield, Illinois, “on the very steps of the same capitol building which served as the the launchpad for Barry Hussein Nobama’s political career or was that William Ayers’ terrorfag breakfast nook? Lolwut. Enjoy. (There was also a guy wearing a sandwich board that simply said ‘BUY GUNS’. He was handing out dvds that ‘explain how the government is trying to kill us’. I was scared to photograph him oh well.)” Thank you obfuscator for nearly getting murdered by a gun nut!

Ever since America’s most recent 9/11, when an ex-derivatives trader ranted on the cable news money channel about Obama’s $75 billion plan to subsidize salvageable mortgages, certain Real Americans have developed this masturbatory obsession with tea bags and ladies’ tea parties and also sucking each others’ balls. They are doing this because of socialism, the cartoon movie The Watch Men, and the blacks — Congress, essentially. And as part of this ball-sucking guerilla war they now appear to be issuing “threats” by mailing certain substances in suspicious envelopes to the Senate. They freak out mail room employees and security guards for a few seconds until they realize that the substance is just tea — tea in the form of tea bags — probably mixed up with a few pubic hairs, for show. MORE »

• The Politico, having already sufficiently raped and pillaged the Morning, Evening, and Afternoon, now has its sights set on the THE DAWN, the rosy fingertips of which it will pry its signature demon scooplets from mercilessly. (No but, uh, actually. See bottom.) [Ben Smith]
• Nate Silver’s pet Andrew has thrown up some math numbers about tied elections being rare (…?), but not before warning us that “probably Nate could come up with something a bit more precise.” Sad. [538]
• Slate has a CONTRARIAN new article about how pointless the G20 is. Just try telling that to the millions who have risked their iPhones and limited-run sneakers and taken to the streets today in London to march against (or for?) something or other. [Slate]
• 2008 human souvenir Carly Fiorina might mount an unsuccessful run against Barbara Boxer. [CNN Political Ticker]
• A sneak peek at the ADP report reveals that something like three quarters of a million jobs were lost in March. But this is good news, you see, because now that there are no more jobs, we cannot possibly report greater losses in April. [AMERICAblog]

The YouTubes are flooded with protest videos from G20 where, in quieter quarters, Obama is giving the Queen an iPod filled with libidinous American “noise.” This offers a good Aerial Shot, though, of the protesters — whose parents are probably inside the conference, deciding interest rate policy — taunting the Bobbies, who simply have to take one step forward to scare them all away for a few seconds. [YouTube]

Today at High Noon, the disciples of CNBC teevee ranter Rick Santelli held teabagging parties around the country. Apparently they did not pick up on the nonchalance in Santelli’s voice when he said, “we’re going to hold a… like a tea party or something because of this Obama, ha ha, weird.” Well, the biggest of these parties was in Washington, by the White House, and like 20 people took cabs from CPAC to stand around in poop hats and complain about fiat currency for a few minutes while Michelle Malkin filmed them in various pornographic poses. Major thank yous to poop operatives “Jamie” and “Ethan” for sending most of the photos below, as well as to intrepid D.C. blog reporter Dave Weigel, some of whose photos we have stolen. MORE »

The Code Pink liberals held their “throw shoes at Bush” reenactment yesterday, yay. A small but dedicated crowd went and threw shoes at a plaster Bush zombie. But then something far worse appeared, from the “neo-liberal” Washington Post newspaper: DANA MILBANK, with a cameraman, reporting on the fun for his next grating “local color” column. It’s hard to express how smug Dana Milbank is in this video, even by his standards. Don’t torture yourself! Just skip to the end when the Pinks start throwing shoes at Milbank instead, until he starts whining. [More protest videos at Nikolas Schiller's]