Oh my God, you guys, get ready to pack up your sex toys and hobo beans and flee to the Mexican refugee camps, because Real America™ has had ENOUGH with this Marxo-Islamunist bull hockey in Washington, and is coming for your SOULLSSSS. Girt in the armor of righteousness, but not carrying the AR-15 of the […]

It feels wrong to just go about our usual business of making dick jokes about politics without acknowledging that the governments of Venezuela and Ukraine are murdering peaceful protesters by the dozens. We won’t pretend to have any special insight into either conflict. Maybe an appropriate thing to do is to be self-absorbed Americans and be thankful for […]

Well this is nice, indeed. We weren’t surprised at all when we heard that yet another Catholic school had pressured a faculty member to resign after finding out he’d gotten married to his same-sex partner. But in the Seattle suburb of Sammamish, when students at Eastside Catholic High School learned that Vice Principal Mark Zmuda […]

Dust off the Truck Nutz and grab your favorite lot lizard, because there’s a new bunch of kooks out to save us against our wills: Truckers To Shut Down America! That’s a link to their Facebook page, and it is fabulously dumb! The plan goes like this: 1) Don’t work or buy anything for three […]

Oh John McCain, who you pissing off now? Fresh off his failed attempt to either make the Muslim Brotherhood gay marry Egypt or else get the fuck bombed out of them, the failed presidential candidate, naval pilot, and possible Hillary ’16 supporter, Senator John McCain, has decided to shut up for a second about those foreign […]

So remember last year when Michigan’s Nerd-Governor Rick Snyder passed Right-To-Work like a ninja without so much as a committee hearing or an acknowledgment that Right to Work was something he wanted to do? Yeah, that was fun. And remember how all those union thugs — teachers, nurses, autoworkers, society’s dregs mostly — protested this stunning public […]

“These are the times that try men’s souls,” Thomas Paine once wrote, even though some scold of a junior high language arts teacher probably told him he should have written “times like these try men’s souls” because active voice. Today, as in Paine’s time, men’s souls are tried. We’re not worried about securing our independence […]

Every crew of friends has its successful members and its fuck-ups. The latter can often be found on the former’s lovely Teutonic couch, sleeping off a long night of getting wasted on ouzo and freak-dancing to the music of Yanni. This is sort of exactly what is happening right now between Germany and Greece, two […]

Look at what the freedom-hating Chinese government has done! They’ve gone and passed a law saying that it is illegal to enter a “restricted” area even if you didn’t know that the space was restricted, and also made it illegal to protest in said “restricted” area or do anything that could be “disruptive,” like booing. […]

And now we will interrupt your Friday with this killer lead-in from CNN: “We got something weird happening in Washington, D.C.” News you can use! What is it, confused CNN anchor? “George Clooney is standing in the middle of a group of people.” Woah, that is, like, so weird! GO ON? Let’s see, the police […]

JACKPOT  12:15 pm March 8, 2012

Obama Hugs Black Guy

by Jim Newell

Watch the latest video at This is essentially the top TV clip of the last five years. You’re gonna wanna bookmark it so that one day years down the road, you might tell your fat post-apocalyptic alien grandkids about how the Ghost of Breitbart era of terror began. It allllll started right here, with […]

Hippies, or should we say “people affected and insulted by the total lack of accountability in the global economic system following its collapse a few years ago,” were all excited about the upcoming G8 Summit of first-world leaders set to take place in Chicago this May. What a great opportunity to yell at terrible people, […]

First the lunch Nazis came in their moon buggies to force healthier school meals on children with a tyrannical attempt to redefine pizza sauce as “not a vegetable.” They lost! So now the lunch Nazis are back again to wage a devious new battle that is confusingly the total opposite of the previous one: They […]

CPACALYPSE  12:52 pm February 10, 2012

The Ocupados Have Arrived At CPAC!

by Jim Newell

Finally, some action! The Occupy people have reached CPAC and are protesting around this cute kitty furry structure near the driveway. So far no murders, but maybe if the kitty keeps squeezing that worker? Squeeze the worker, Garfield, squeeze him for every last Amero! Oh and that fellow with the long hair at the bottom […]

The DC-area Occupy people, having been kicked out of their park this weekend, have a fun new thing in the works: Occupying CPAC. It’s just around the corner, so why not? According to the Occupiers’ website, they will “march to the Marriott” to “create as much non-violent resistance as possible, and make this a conference […]