Tag Archives: protesters

  paging captain ron

Eric Holder Will Save Captain Ron’s Marriage So He Can Keep Saving Ferguson

brohug
Attorney General Eric Holder spent Wednesday checking on the progress of Barack Obama’s tyrannical federal takeover of Missouri, and while he was there, he had what we assume is a totally coincidental path-crossing with Ron Johnson, captain of the State Highway Patrol and Guy Who’s In Charge Around Here. Holder had taken a break from inspiring local community college students and usurping the state’s right to gloss over its own (potential) wrongdoing to have some lunch at Drake’s Place in Ferguson. Happenstancely, that’s just when Ron Johnson got hungry too! What are the odds? (The odds are nil because obviously, Ron Johnson is a MACHINE that runs on adrenaline and integrity.) Read more on Eric Holder Will Save Captain Ron’s Marriage So He Can Keep Saving Ferguson…
  isn't it ironic don't you think

Gun-Toting ‘Pro-life’ Thugs Want Abortion Clinic Shut Down To Keep Away Gun-Toting ‘Pro-life’ Thugs

Don’t you just HATE how abortion clinics are like catnip for violent, dangerous “pro-lifers” who like to threaten and stalk and harass and terrorize — and, oh yeah, sometimes bomb and murder — doctors and their patients? Boy, those violent, dangerous “pro-lifers” sure do! That’s why they’re trying to shut down the abortion clinic in Wichita, Kansas, that used to be run by Dr. George Tiller — you know, before he was gunned down in his church by a violent, dangerous “pro-lifer.” Because life! Tuesday morning, abortion opponents went before the Wichita City Council seeking to shut down the South Wind Women’s Center, a clinic that provides abortions. Among their complaints: The clinic draws gun violence. This struck some, including the clinic’s director, Julie Burkhart, as ironic. After all, South Wind opened in April in the same building that housed George Tiller’s clinic. Before Tiller was murdered in church by an anti-abortion extremist in 2009, there was indeed documented gun violence in front of the clinic—by Shelley Shannon, an abortion opponent who shot Tiller. Well, yes, that IS just so spoons-on-your-wedding-day ironic, isn’t it? This clinic that provides health care to women is so irresistible to the gun-toting, life-threatening element that it should be shut down to protect the gun-toting life-threatening element from … from itself, we guess? Naturally, that is not how they see it. It never is, is it? Read more on Gun-Toting ‘Pro-life’ Thugs Want Abortion Clinic Shut Down To Keep Away Gun-Toting ‘Pro-life’ Thugs…
  pussy riot

Super Cool Police Lady Shows All Other Anaheim Protesters How To Properly Throw Bottles At Cops

OC Weekly — where one of your Wonkettes may have spent a cool dozen years of her benighted life — has what appears to be the smoking Molotov in the recent Anaheim Unpleasantness. Through a series of still photos and videos, they seem to have got the goods on a nice lady who went from showing the badge number tattooed on her wrist to trying to incite a riot among her “fellow” protesters! Wha? An undercover provocateuress? The hell you say, OC Weekly. We will believe it when we see it. Read more on Super Cool Police Lady Shows All Other Anaheim Protesters How To Properly Throw Bottles At Cops…
  wuss

Tough Guy War Criminal Dick Cheney Terrified of Visiting Canada

Undead goblin king Dick Cheney dedicated his thousand year shadow reign of darkness to murdering and torturing the people of Iraq in order to make Dick Cheney feel safer, but it turns out he may have picked the wrong country. Dick Cheney now wishes he had bombed Canada, the only nation with citizens wicked enough to shoot such mortal fear into the virus-ridden slime running through Dick Cheney’s veins that he refuses to set foot in it. Freedom-hating Canadians tried to bust in on one of his book readings in Vancouver last September to remind him he is a war criminal, so Dick Cheney has decided to cancel a planned speech in Toronto, out of concerns for his safety. (Sorry about that, Iraq.) Read more on Tough Guy War Criminal Dick Cheney Terrified of Visiting Canada…
  cowards

Scary Protesters Chase G8 Summit From Chicago To Camp David

Hippies, or should we say “people affected and insulted by the total lack of accountability in the global economic system following its collapse a few years ago,” were all excited about the upcoming G8 Summit of first-world leaders set to take place in Chicago this May. What a great opportunity to yell at terrible people, right? Well now our dear leader, President Obama, has moved the summit to his mountain ranch at Camp David, Maryland, where hippies will be kept miles away and murdered on the Antietam battlefield. Read more on Scary Protesters Chase G8 Summit From Chicago To Camp David…
  dimwits have opinions about other dimwits

We Now Agree With Newt Gingrich About One Thing, Can You Guess?

This is a very inane video and we do not generally like to reward insipid topics like “interviews with Newt Gingrich” with more viewz, but this one is fun because it includes Newt having a giggle at Meghan McCain’s constant ridiculousness. Finally, a single theme that can bring America back together again! Who even cares what Mistress Meg said about Newt’s dumb campaign? The point is that she has No Clue. Even Newt Gingrich giggles when he thinks about her. EVEN NEWT GINGRICH GIGGLES AT HER, when she calls him stupid. And we laugh at Newt Gingrich all the time, so somehow these things multiply with one another like rabbits, on meth, having sex a hundred times per hour, to create infinite comedy. Read more on We Now Agree With Newt Gingrich About One Thing, Can You Guess?…
  occupy the board of trade

Jackass Trader Expands On Crazy Leaflets With Insane Manifesto

Last week the smug oddballs at the Chicago Board of Trade were dumping cryptic leaflets on the Occupy Chicago protesters mysteriously proclaiming with all the rhetorical precision of Chuck Grassley’s Twitter feed to be the “1% paying for this.” But one turd floating in the swimming pool is never enough, right?, so our anonymous chicken shit trader is back loosing a whole stream of word-diarrhea threatening to eat elementary school teachers and leave bad tips at restaurants. Yikes. Cocaine is not breakfast food, children! Read more on Jackass Trader Expands On Crazy Leaflets With Insane Manifesto…
  america thanks you for your service

Here’s the Insane Video of Marine Vet Scott Olsen Shot At #OccupyOakland

Jesus H. Christ. First it’s a lot of BANG BANG BANG and screaming as tear gas fills the air followed by GRAPHIC (there, you’re warned if you’re at work) footage of former Marine Scott Olsen from Veterans for Peace being carried away by fellow protesters with blood covering his head after being hit in the face by some type of police projectile. The Contra Costa Times mentions “unconfirmed reports that flash-bang grenades and wood dowels were launched at protesters,” items that cops assume would, what… tickle the protesters if fired directly at their heads? No, the asshole cops know exactly what they are doing, and the Guardian is now reporting that Olsen is currently in critical condition with a skull fracture. We’re glad you survived Iraq, Scott, and it’s unbelievably sad that we now have to hope you survive the Oakland Police Department. Read more on Here’s the Insane Video of Marine Vet Scott Olsen Shot At #OccupyOakland…
  half-assed policy changes

Obama Carefully Begs Angry Young People To Vote For Him Again

OH, THAT’S KIND OF WEIRD: President Obama will make a fancy announcement about some sort of Official Plan to help the college edjumucated young’uns shed a few less tears when they receive their mammoth monthly student loan bill statements, just now, today, for some reason! Oh right, the kids are angry these days. Obama’s mollification program for the Occupy Wall Street protesters concerned about crushing student loan debt includes a timid handful of tweaks to the current federal student loan relief plan that will probably only help 16% or so of over 36 million borrowers, but here’s “hoping” their love comes cheaper than Wall Street bankers’! Read more on Obama Carefully Begs Angry Young People To Vote For Him Again…
  journamalism

NY Post Blames Peaceful Ocupados For (Fake?) Rise In Gun Violence

The wheezy little shadow humans hovering around in the dank caves over at Rupert Murdoch’s terror pamphlet the New York Post sure are devoting an awful lot of comical reporting to the fabrication of elaborate Jesusween bedtime stories about the Occupy Wall Street protesters. It’s like they’re kind of (very) worried or something! The latest strenuous fiction plucked at random — there are several to choose from on any given day — has a variety of anonymous numbers and sources claiming that shootings across the city have risen two billion percent since the protests started on account of the NYPD having too much fun beating up on peaceful protesters to go beating up on actual criminals with guns anymore. That would be sort of embarrassing for the cops, if it were actually true! Read more on NY Post Blames Peaceful Ocupados For (Fake?) Rise In Gun Violence…
  bitter tears

Mean Protesters Ruin John Boehner’s Golf Game With Demands For Jobs

We hope that overgrown Orangesicle John Boehner enjoyed the joyful noises of a group of chanting protesters who showed up to his golf tournament in the Republican fortress of Orange County, California, since this is probably something John Boehner had hoped to avoid when he left Washington for a few days. Funny, isn’t it, how those people seem to be everywhere? AND THEY’RE GETTING CLOSER: one protester even managed to get inside the golf club to deliver a petition with 26,000 signatures asking Boehner to pass Barack Obama’s jobs bill. Naturally, Boehner fled from the man. Read more on Mean Protesters Ruin John Boehner’s Golf Game With Demands For Jobs…
  malkin has to be fed too

Fox News’ Mike Tobin Says He Was Attacked By Wisconsin Protester

Masses of people in Wisconsin have been peacefully protesting for weeks now, because of their governor’s decision to take away worker’s rights for no good reason; not a single protester in Madison haseven been arrested. But that hasn’t stopped Fox News from trying to convict them all. Witness this hilarious report from Fox’s Mike Tobin on Sunday, pretending a whole bunch of protesters were going to get violent, get shot by tear gas, and get arrested. These people are from the Midwest, so they’re spending their time at the protest kindly knitting with each other, but that won’t stop this Fox guy from saying they “hit” him. RIGHT-WING BLOGOSPHERE POWER RANGERS, IT’S MORPHIN’ TIME! Read more on Fox News’ Mike Tobin Says He Was Attacked By Wisconsin Protester…
  convict the oil spill!

Liveblogging Tony Hayward’s … Whoa Everybody’s Freaking Out!

OKAY NOW THE ACTION IS HAPPENING. Tony Hayward just took his Oath of Grillin’ and some lady is cold going nuts, yelling and screaming, oil all over her head, five or six Capitol police dragging her out. Tony just sitting there, trying not to look behind him. Oh jesus what a circus, welcome to America! Ha ha, relax Tony, only another five hours of this. Read more on Liveblogging Tony Hayward’s … Whoa Everybody’s Freaking Out!…
  funny pictures

Tripping Death Monster Asks Vague Question, In Iowa

Wonkette zombie sex operative “Karen N.” of Iowa City, Iowa, sends us this filthy picture she took yesterday — “Sorry for sending you this eye candy a little late. We were drinking.” — during Obama’s “We passed health care but here’s a rally anyway” thing. This fellow wants to know what Obama did with his autonomy. Don’t worry, friend! Flip your poster back to the side with the shrooms. That’s where your autonomy is. Read more on Tripping Death Monster Asks Vague Question, In Iowa…
  everyone's a critic

They Make Obama Protesters In Hawaii, Too

Say, which two flavors of protesters are so devoted to their causes that they’ve chased Obama all the way to his terrifying pineapple tundra, Hawaii, in the middle of this brutal winter? (Nope, no PUMAs — TSA still has of its shit together enough to crash that party.) On one side of the street you’ll find the dirty fucking anti-American gay hippies suggesting that Obama’s endless imperial warfare is “bad”; on the other you have the usual anti-abortion folk. So both groups are against death but probably don’t think the other’s death is really death-death. And Barack Obama plays golf. [YouTube] Read more on They Make Obama Protesters In Hawaii, Too…
  blood on the dance floor

MoveOn.org Librul Monster Bites Off Old Man’s Pinky At Town Hall

  We’ve been waiting to write a headline like that for years! People are now EATING EACH OTHERS’ DIGITS over health care reform and other pieces of legislation and whatever that none of them probably understand. Read more on MoveOn.org Librul Monster Bites Off Old Man’s Pinky At Town Hall…
  turd fairy or whatever he's called

Hippie Tries To Arrest Karl Rove, Gets Smacked

This is a truly great clip, my friends, truly great, because it involves Karl Rove behaving foolishly. He was holding some sort of discussion panel thing this morning with former Democratic Sen. George Mitchell — in the communist port town of San Francisco. “Oh boy!” is right. First some crazy drunk lady walks on stage and tries to handcuff Rove, and as soon as she makes her move, he SWATS her hands away like a baby while staring straight ahead. And then another hippie goes nuts in the audience. Finally, Rove says some whiny thing, pretending to be offended, and literally everyone laughs at him and Mitchell is like, “shutup, fraud.” All in all a fine session of political discourse. [YouTube, ABC 7] Read more on Hippie Tries To Arrest Karl Rove, Gets Smacked…
  awful

Fox News Has Already Filmed Most Legendary Cable News Moment of Convention

Here’s Fox News reporter “Griff” Jenkins trying to infiltrate the “leftist protesters” today in Denver, right where your Wonkette is! The courageous Griffer risks his life by walking into the throngs of rebel protesters who — and this comes as a surprise to Griff — do not all love Obama. Hmm! Then, hilariously, the crowd starts shouting “Fuck Fox News!” Griff can only respond by asking them, “Do you not believe in freedom?” Instant classic. [YouTube] Read more on Fox News Has Already Filmed Most Legendary Cable News Moment of Convention…
 

Olympic Torch Fakeout Leaves San Francisco Protesters Burning Mad

San Franciscans have three favorite pastimes: sodomy, jamming up traffic with their bicycles, and protesting things with puppets. This third hobby was on full display yesterday as protesters lined the scenic Embarcardero waiting for the Olympic torch to go running by on its whirlwind tour of the globe. Throughout the world, Olympic officials have been consistently embarrassed by protesters dousing the torch, yelling about China and Tibet and human rights, and saying unkind things about America’s Banker. But by San Francisco, they’d gotten wise — and decided to fake out the protesters in the most farcical running of the Olympic torch ever! Read more on Olympic Torch Fakeout Leaves San Francisco Protesters Burning Mad…
 

Happy Abortion Day!

Today was the big Abortion Thingy on The Mall! Yay! Since my day job is right in the middle of it, I decided to go all photojournalisty on you. And what did I learn? First of all, these people couldn’t possibly be whiter. Also: What they lack in spelling skills, they make up for in juvenile voter fraud! Plus, of course, there were Paultards. To quote John Waters, I wish I were a girl so that I could get an abortion! More pictures after the jump… Read more on Happy Abortion Day!…
 

Area Protester Fooled by Satire

Faithful reader Sean spotted this intrepid protester outside the McPherson Square metro this morning. The lady is quite upset about the administration’s plans to re-hang Saddam “Suddan” Hussein — plans she presumably read about in The Onion. U.S. To Re-Hang Saddam Hussein [The Onion] Read more on Area Protester Fooled by Satire…