Wonkette

Law enforcement authorities had to break the sad news today that there will be absolutely no sexing at the upcoming Republican and Democratic National Conventions. Apparently, every four years a bunch of sex-worker advocacy groups issue dire predictions that prostitution will skyrocket in convention cities, and then everybody is horribly disappointed to discover that the only whoring that goes on is the very dull, “I’ll trade you one Bridge to Nowhere for your cloture vote” kind of crap that makes people hate politicians in the first place. MORE »

• SAN FRANCISCO ADOPTING ‘SAN FRANCISCO VALUES’: “SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A measure that aims to keep prostitutes from facing criminal charges has qualified for the November ballot in San Francisco … The Erotic Service Providers Union recently gathered the 12,000 signatures necessary to put the measure on the ballot.” Surely this is part of the Gay Agenda. [AP]

• HEADLINE OF THE DAY: “Plea Deal for Woman Accused of Having Sex With Senator’s Husband.” (And here’s what it’s actually talking about, and here’s the hooker gal, too!) [Washington Post]

FAMOUS D.C. WHOREMONGER GUILTY OF SEX: This hot off the wire!: “D.C. Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey has been found guilty of racketeering and money laundering.” Palfrey was caught last year-ish for selling sexy ladies to David Vitter et al. from 1993 to 2006, and now she is going to jail while David Vitter is destroying parking lots with his Freedom. [WTOP]

And here is the $150 hooker that polished the knob of Sen. Debbie “Stab Me Now” Stabenow’s husband “near” Big Beaver, in Michigan. Her name is Alycia Lorraine Martin (always three names with these gals!), and her MySpace page features these combinations of letters: “**If you cant handel me at my worst, den you dont deserve me at muh best** Life too short for sadness alwayz smile its worth it no matter wut! BELEIVE IT!! ..” Hmm. She appears to be speaking Mexican. Translation, anyone? [The Smoking Gun]

If there’s one thing Democrats have learned from this whole Spitzer mess, it’s that the public has no patience for public figures who overspend on hookers. That’s why Tom Athans, Michigan Senator Debbie Stabenow’s husband and the cofounder of a liberal radio station, deserves a hearty pat on the back for spending less on a hooker than he would have spent on a nice dinner with his wife. MORE »

Everyone knows that fun things are bad for you, and if you do enough fun things repeatedly then you are an “addict.” A man who has fun sex with hookers, for example, is a shamefully diseased sex addict on the verge of sexing himself to death. But generous Fate intervened on behalf of addict Eliot Spitzer, who has reportedly entered therapy to cure himself of this strange compulsion to have enjoyable no-strings-attached sex with young women. How long before the cure “takes”? MORE »

Some “secret footage” of pop music star and model Ashley Alexandra Dupre, the former prostitute who brought down ex-New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer 20-odd years ago, has been discovered by the cultural terrorists who produce the boob-flashing Girls Gone Wild series. According to TMZ, which has taken over the New York Times as the news source of record on Dupre, “‘GGW’ has ‘a week’s worth’ of video of Ashley celebrating her 18th birthday, which she did on the big bus. We’re told that ‘GGW’ plans on releasing an Ashley Dupre-specific video ’shortly.’” Be sure to check out the late-night GGW promos on Comedy Central for an official release date. She. Never. Goes. Away. [TMZ]

Forget Silda Wall Spitzer — the biggest victim in the whole Eliot Spitzer Prostitute Sex Scandal 2k8 is Louisiana Sen. David Vitter, who has become the target of a heinous elitist liberal smear campaign. While Vitter had sex with a high-priced call girl, like Eliot Spitzer, he lashed out at reporters yesterday who suggested the incidents might be, say, similar? Vitter reminds us that they are not at all similar, because of his stance on The Illegals, and other such things. MORE »

The infamous Room 871 in D.C.’s fancy Mayflower Hotel has been expunged from the nation’s memory. Where once we might have witnessed the tender love shenanigans of sweet Jersey girl and a space muppet by the name of Eliot Spitzer, we now find just a door without a room number. Who is responsible for this outrage? MORE »

ASHLEY-KRISTEN ON TOP! The exciting music of Ashley “Kristen” Alexandra Dupre now holds both the No. 1 and the No. 2 chart positions at this digital download site! Truly this is just like that movie with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, but if the Richard Gere character lost his job and his dignity and then got indicted on federal white-slavery charges. [Amie Street/OC Register]

Hey Rhode Islanders, did you all know that prostitution is kinda legal in your heathen separatist state? Well thanks to Eliot Spitzer, that may not be the case anymore! According to the Providence Journal, “Rhode Island lawmakers are considering a bill that would close the loophole in this state’s laws that makes prostitution legal if it occurs indoors.” Yes, that is slightly more than a loophole. Either way, thanks for ruining more lives, Spitzer. MORE »

Four bucks says these two friends of “Kristen,” the “high-priced call girl” that made wondrous Love to Eliot Spitzer, will both get multi-billion dollar record contracts within a week. Will these two and “Kristen” become the new Black-Eyed Peas, since they are also a team of boys and girls that make by-the-numbers hip hop? Maybe if Barack Obama is president. [MSNBC]

The New York Times has a profile up of “Kristen.” Her name is actually Ashley Alexandra Dupré, and her story is imaginably depressing. But then if you go to her MySpace page, it plays a pretty blah hip-hop song (”amateurish, hip-hop inflected rhythm and blues tune that asks, ‘Can you handle me, boy?’ and uses some dated slang, calling someone her ‘boo,’” says the mean New York Times). That’s when we lost sympathy, and also why she’ll probably get a record deal within hours. [NYT]