Tag Archives: prostitutes

  Nailed!

Obvious Gay Hooker Service Raided For Being Obvious Gay Hooker Service

Did anyone order a COMPANION?
Did anyone order a NONSEXUAL COMPANION? Being a gay hooker is illegal in U.S. America, except for in parts of Nevada or whatever. It’s not the “gay” part that’s illegal, otherwise we’d all be outlaws! We’re not here to debate whether hooking should be legalized or not, and we’re neither here to shame sex workers nor say anything particularly nice about them either. Let’s just all agree they exist! Read more on Obvious Gay Hooker Service Raided For Being Obvious Gay Hooker Service…
  in his majesty’s secret service … chug chug chug!

Secret Service Bros Drunk Drive Into White House Barricades. Party On!

Have you ever wondered, when they’re not scoring those sweet, sweet South American hookers or being generally incompetent, what Secret Service agents do for fun? Sure you have. Well, it turns out they behave just like the rest of us — at least, like the rest of us did when we were drug-addled, brain-dead college freshman. Read more on Secret Service Bros Drunk Drive Into White House Barricades. Party On!…
  dear john

Secret Service Hooker Investigator Canned, You Will Never Guess Why Just Kidding

Remember when the Secret Service couldn’t stop visiting prostitutes, and then some poor kid from the White House advance team couldn’t stop visiting prostitutes, and it was obviously Obama’s fault coverupbenghaziworsethanwatergate? Of course you do, that is all you read about on yr Wonkette. Well, the Department of Homeland Security investigated all those happy endings, and you will never guess what happened to the dude who was doing the investigation, just kidding, of course you will: Read more on Secret Service Hooker Investigator Canned, You Will Never Guess Why Just Kidding…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly March Through The Marshes Of Madness

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we scrape the dumbest possible news leftovers off our overheated browser tabs, blend them into an almost-digestible slurry, and serve them up to you with a muffin and a warning to imbibe heavily. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly March Through The Marshes Of Madness…
  o brothel where art thou

So Far, Only Hookers Seem To Like Obamacare

Here’s another story about sex workers who are happy to get insurance under the Affordable Care Act. Combine that with wingnut Noel Sheppard’s freakout over san Francisco hookers signing up for the ACA, and it is now officially a Trend. of course, in this case, the women signing up are legally employed at a Nevada brothel, the Moonlight Bunny Ranch, so at least there’s none of that “criminal” stigma, right? Aha, well, not so much; The Blaze simply says “It’s come to this” and shakes its head sadly. So get ready for HookerCare to become a wingnut meme. Read more on So Far, Only Hookers Seem To Like Obamacare…
  which ones are the prostitutes again?

AP Scoop: Dominican Republic Hookers in Menendez Story Were Not Trustworthy After All

Like a middle-aged man in the grip of a Viagra-fueled sex spree, this whole “Did New Jersey Senator Robert Menendez (D-Sexytimes) Sex Up Some Underage Hookers In The Dominican Republic” story just keeps on keepin’ on! Just to recap: not long before the November election, chipmunk-faced ace reporter Matthew Boyle broke the shocking news that an unmarried man might have stiffed a couple of hookers, and also underpaid them, while he was on some sort of sex-crazed sexanalia in the DR, where prostitution happens to be legal. Of course, this is New Jersey, which already has its share of embarrassing citizens, so everyone there was all “Meh” and “Go Big Blue” and “Nice state we got here, be a shame if anything…HOLY MOTHER OF GOD SEND HELP!” But much like herpes, Boyle would not go away. Read more on AP Scoop: Dominican Republic Hookers in Menendez Story Were Not Trustworthy After All…
  blowvember

NJ Sen. Bob Menendez Proves Old Truism: Dude, Pay Your Hookers

New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez, repeat after us: Pay your hookers. Pay your hookers. PAY YOUR GODDAMN HOOKERS. Maybe you thought $100 was enough for working gals in the Dominican Republic. If that is so, you should have told them that UP FRONT instead of agreeing to $500 and then only forking over a lousy Benjie. (The possibility that the “intermediary” who paid the women kept the difference is not aired in Tucker Carlson’s D&C. We will bring up that possibility now. Because obviously, the moral question here is not whether the 58-year-old divorced Menendez availed himself of the erotic services of a couple of consenting adults making a living, but whether he PAID HIS GODDAMN HOOKERS.) Read more on NJ Sen. Bob Menendez Proves Old Truism: Dude, Pay Your Hookers…
  america's wang we love you

Florida Politicians Sure Do Love Paying For Sex

How many elected officials in the state of Florida have to be discovered on a list of clients at a brothel before Your Wonkette deigns to write about it? One? Two? Three? Oh, no, wait, we guess it’s only two. So, noted central Florida pimp Mark David Risner, what sort of politicians did you lure to the “sex room” in your house, for paid sex? A state representative and “rising GOP star,” plus a comically titled “vice mayor”? And they paid you $200 an hour, which last we checked the exchange rate was about two and a half whore diamonds? Nice work! Read more on Florida Politicians Sure Do Love Paying For Sex…
  wingnuts probably furious

Why Is California Trying To Make It Easier For Prostitutes To Break Away From Their Rightful Owners?

Dumb California hippies are at it again, trying to nationalize your muneez from your hardworking hands and use it for cosmetic surgery for lowlifes! First they took all the tax dollars in the world and gave it to (former) gang members, just so (former) gang members could their gang tattoos removed and get jerbs. And now they are trying to take your money to give to ho’s to remove their pimps’ names from their bodies from when they were child prostitutes! Have we no concern left for the pimps’ inalienable right to the pursuit of property? CONSTITUTION!!1! Ron Paul! END TEH FED! Read more on Why Is California Trying To Make It Easier For Prostitutes To Break Away From Their Rightful Owners?…
  loose lips sink ships also too

BREAKING! Secret Service Sexing Must Be Rampant Because Marines Bought A Hooker In Brazil!

Well now we are getting to the bottom of this! When the Secret Service was sexing all those ladies in Cartagena, was that an isolated incident? NO IT WAS NOT! And how do we know this? Because Defense Secretary Leon Panetta “admitted” that last year three US Marines hired a sex worker in Brazil! Now, was there more to this ridiculous waste of pixels? Yes, there was more to this ridiculous waste of pixels: the Marines were busted down a rank after throwing her from their moving vehicle, and the US embassy paid her medical bills — which, after all, would be the gentlemanly thing to do. Read more on BREAKING! Secret Service Sexing Must Be Rampant Because Marines Bought A Hooker In Brazil!…
  grampa cornpants

Chuck Grassley’s Got This Whole Secret Service Problem Covered, You Guys

Oh dear, Sen. Chuck Grassley snuck out the window again after lights-out, and now he’s leading inquiries into the Secret Service sex scandal. Whatcha got so far, inspector? “Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) said the Colombia prostitutes at the center of the Secret Service scandal may have been spies planted by the Russian government.” And if they were… well, Chuck’s gonna give those ladies what for, he is. Read more on Chuck Grassley’s Got This Whole Secret Service Problem Covered, You Guys…
  Republicans Poking Around Again

Friendly Republicans Offer To Help Obama Out By Looking Into This Whole Hooker Thing For Him

A heated exchange between a prostitute and a Secret Service agent has led to an embarrassing situation for President Obama to deal with. It turns out eleven U.S. Secret Service agents and five military service members are under investigation and facing possible reprimand for allegedly cavorting with prostitutes and drinking excessively at a Colombian hotel ahead of President Obama’s visit to Colombia to explain that no he will never ever ever ever decriminalize drugs. If the investigation turns out to hold merit — and it is probably going to turn out to hold lots of merit, among other things it is holding — Obama is going to be pissed. “If it turns out some of the allegations that have been made in the press are confirmed, then, of course, I’ll be angry,” he said, doing that thing where he tries and fails to do an impression of “angry.” He doesn’t need to get “angry.” He has people for that. Read more on Friendly Republicans Offer To Help Obama Out By Looking Into This Whole Hooker Thing For Him…
  secret serviced

Barack Obama Finally Gets A Sex Scandal

“Wheels up, rings off,” amirite Secret Service? Maybe! Everything we know about this sexxxy new scandal we learned from Twitter! What else does Twitter have to tell us about the #SecretService getting bom dia-ed in Colombia? * Pay your prostitute DUMBASS. * They had a Groupon. * 10 Recommendations For a quicker and much easier Purchase When Selling Your House * Obama is probably using hookers too because MOOCHELLE. Read more on Barack Obama Finally Gets A Sex Scandal…
  eyebleach

Free Speech Martyr Rush Limbaugh Gets Hooker Website Ad Offer

Having spent four (12? 40?) days wheezing into his herpes-flecked microphone about hot nubile coeds and the sextapes they should make for him, poor martyred modern-day Mario Savio Rush Limbaugh finally caught a break when loathsome hooker website “SeekingArrangement.com” decided they could use some more publicity, and announced their hopes to advertise. Read more on Free Speech Martyr Rush Limbaugh Gets Hooker Website Ad Offer…
  snowbilly book news

Todd Palin’s Alleged Prostitute Releasing Exciting Book About Sex With Todd Palin

Somehow, the Wasilla gravy train has finally run out of steam. What else can explain Todd Palin’s alleged Wasilla mistress/prostitute not getting a six-figure book deal for her story? America has finally grown tired of Sarah Palin and her snowbilly family’s oxycontin exploits. But, just in case you need a final dose, be sure to buy the hawt new paperback Boys Will Be Boys by Shailey Tripp. (Tripp?) Read more on Todd Palin’s Alleged Prostitute Releasing Exciting Book About Sex With Todd Palin…