Tag: prostitutes

Two great tastes that go great together...

Senate Sunday: Louisiana Won’t Be Electing David Duke To US Senate. Sorry Racist Scumbags!

Son of a gun, too many idiots run, on the Bayou.

Love Child! Stay Away From David Vitter Or He Will Bortion You (Allegedly)

Sen. David Vitter, the family values Republican from Adult Diapers, Louisiana, would like to be governor. And he would also like everyone to stop asking him about that time he committed a "very serious sin" by banging hookers -- not...
Did anyone order a COMPANION?

Obvious Gay Hooker Service Raided For Being Obvious Gay Hooker Service

Being a gay hooker is illegal in U.S. America, except for in parts of Nevada or whatever. It's not the "gay" part that's illegal, otherwise we'd all be outlaws! We're not here to debate whether hooking should be legalized or...
Wanna discuss important Pentagon business?

Pentagon Workers Using YOUR Tax Dollars For Gamblin’ And F*ckin’

Would you be outraged to know that Pentagon employees (military AND civilian) have been using YOUR TAX DOLLARS GRRR for the services of cardsharks and common harlots? WELL THEY ARE (kinda sorta). GET MAD: A Defense Department audit has found that...

Secret Service Bros Drunk Drive Into White House Barricades. Party On!

Have you ever wondered, when they’re not scoring those sweet, sweet South American hookers or being generally incompetent, what Secret Service agents do for fun? Sure you have. Well, it turns out they behave just like the rest of...

Secret Service Hooker Investigator Canned, You Will Never Guess Why Just Kidding

Remember when the Secret Service couldn't stop visiting prostitutes, and then some poor kid from the White House advance team couldn't stop visiting prostitutes, and it was obviously Obama's fault coverupbenghaziworsethanwatergate? Of course you do, that is all you...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly March Through The Marshes Of Madness

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we scrape the dumbest possible news leftovers off our overheated browser tabs, blend them into an almost-digestible slurry, and serve them up to you with a muffin and...

So Far, Only Hookers Seem To Like Obamacare

Here's another story about sex workers who are happy to get insurance under the Affordable Care Act. Combine that with wingnut Noel Sheppard's freakout over san Francisco hookers signing up for the ACA, and it is now officially a...

AP Scoop: Dominican Republic Hookers in Menendez Story Were Not Trustworthy After All

Like a middle-aged man in the grip of a Viagra-fueled sex spree, this whole “Did New Jersey Senator Robert Menendez (D-Sexytimes) Sex Up Some Underage Hookers In The Dominican Republic” story just keeps on keepin’ on! Just to recap:...

NJ Sen. Bob Menendez Proves Old Truism: Dude, Pay Your Hookers

New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez, repeat after us: Pay your hookers. Pay your hookers. PAY YOUR GODDAMN HOOKERS. Maybe you thought $100 was enough for working gals in the Dominican Republic. If that is so, you should have told...

Florida Politicians Sure Do Love Paying For Sex

How many elected officials in the state of Florida have to be discovered on a list of clients at a brothel before Your Wonkette deigns to write about it? One? Two? Three? Oh, no, wait,...

Why Is California Trying To Make It Easier For Prostitutes To Break Away From Their Rightful Owners?

Dumb California hippies are at it again, trying to nationalize your muneez from your hardworking hands and use it for cosmetic surgery for lowlifes! First they took all the tax dollars in the world and gave it to (former)...

BREAKING! Secret Service Sexing Must Be Rampant Because Marines Bought A Hooker In Brazil!

Well now we are getting to the bottom of this! When the Secret Service was sexing all those ladies in Cartagena, was that an isolated incident? NO IT WAS NOT! And how do we know this? Because Defense Secretary...

Chuck Grassley’s Got This Whole Secret Service Problem Covered, You Guys

Oh dear, Sen. Chuck Grassley snuck out the window again after lights-out, and now he's leading inquiries into the Secret Service sex scandal. Whatcha got so far, inspector? "Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) said the Colombia prostitutes at the center...

Friendly Republicans Offer To Help Obama Out By Looking Into This Whole Hooker Thing For Him

A heated exchange between a prostitute and a Secret Service agent has led to an embarrassing situation for President Obama to deal with. It turns out eleven U.S. Secret Service agents and five military service members are under investigation...

Barack Obama Finally Gets A Sex Scandal

"Wheels up, rings off," amirite Secret Service? Maybe! Everything we know about this sexxxy new scandal we learned from Twitter! What else does Twitter have to tell us about the #SecretService getting bom dia-ed in Colombia? * Pay your prostitute...